Monday, June 29, 2009

Somebody, Please, Smack Me Upside the Head

In my last three posts I shared with you what God revealed to me about my sin of failing to submit to spiritual authority. I shared some of the consequences of rejecting those in authority over me and how freeing it is to submit and how important it is to heed the instruction of those God has placed over you. Today I want to share some of the things in my life that brought me to the point that I recognized my sin and was finally able to do something about it. I want to share because I think it will highlight the way God works in our lives, through His Church, the Body of Christ, His Word, and through circumstances.

It is hard to know exactly where to start, but I will start at the point that I realized that I was in a spiritual desert. You can read more about that here and/or here. I heard a message (Jim Mindling of Open Door Christian Church in Elyria, OH) one day that opened my eyes to the fact that I was in a dry place spiritually and that I was in that desert place for a reason. Up until that point, I just felt like a failure in my Christian walk because I was so stuck and felt useless in the Kingdom. Here is one of the first places that God started using people in my life to bring me up out of the desert.

My friend Debbie, who was the person who originally shared the gospel with me, told me one day in early summer of 2007 that she had heard a message and that message was for me. She felt it would speak into my life and help me with the place I was in spiritually. She had no idea how life changing hearing that message would be, so I chalk it up to the providence of God.

At the same time I heard that message and was pondering it, our church began a summer series in our SaLT groups that explored how small groups should look and what their purpose within our churches should be. That study impacted me because it forced me to see how I was not transparent with the people in my group. Small groups within our churches should promote and foster deep meaningful relationships amongst believers and if I am not sharing about where I am spiritually, how are the people I surround myself supposed to know how to pray for me, or how to help me?

I really took that study seriously and it also made me consider another message I had heard earlier in 2007 about "doing life together". I started thinking about how I had been in the same SaLT group for years, but didn't feel intimately connected with anyone in it. I wasn't sharing life with anybody, I was meeting with them weekly studying God's Word, but not living it out. I was not experiencing any type of spiritual connection and thus was missing the point of "Sharing and Learning Truth" or "Serving and Learning Together" or "Sharing and Learning Together" or whatever SaLT stands for! I became acutely aware that as Christians we do need to be intentional about reaching out to our brothers and sisters in Christ, carrying one another's burdens, praying with one another, confessing our sins to one another and learning to love God together. We weren't meant to do it on our own. So, one day in a SummerSaLT gathering I confessed I was in a spiritual desert and that it was sad that people in my group may have had no idea.

I am introverted and so for me to reach out to people takes some extra effort on my part and requires me to really step out of my comfort zone. I made a conscious decision to go to a woman in my group that I felt would be good mentor because of her spiritual maturity and also for the fact that she seemed to be affected by the study of what a small group should be as well. It seemed we both were desiring to experience "doing life together". What is interesting to note here is that for years my friend Katie felt that Karen would be a good match for me in that sense and so through Katie's urging, I went to Karen. We both prayed about it and a connection was formed. We began to meet for prayer, study and fellowship consistently every couple of weeks and have been doing so ever since. It has enriched my life tremendously!

Many months later, in January of 2008, God placed another person in my life. Again, armed with my readiness to step out of my comfort zone of introvertedness and "do life together" I went out on a limb and contacted a person whom I had only had limited "conversation" with online. When we met we immediately hit it off and a year and a half later we are close friends. What has been so special to me about the relationship with my friend Ellen, is that there is a comfortableness in sharing. Also, because she was just getting to know me and came to my life with an unpredjudiced view of who I am, she was able to see things in it that I never had before. She helped me to see things that needed some attention and encouraged me to see things with a different perspective. She was very patient with me as I have stumbled through this past year! LOL

Last May I took my first steps out of the spiritual desert I was stranded in for so long. For the first time in years I was experiencing a newness with God again. I was feeling His Presence in my life. I could pray again! With a renewed sensitivity to the Spirit of the Living God, I was about to go through some spiritual struggles that would eventually lead me into a place of revelation, confession, repentance and growth.

My friend Katie has also been instrumental throughout my spiritual struggle in the desert and loved me unconditionally through it all. She has always been a source of comfort in that way and has put up with a lot of the consequences of my being there. She dealt with my critical spirit, skeptism, doubt, short-temper, and all other things associated with not being in right relationship with God. She has also adjusted to me as I've been growing in the emergence of a new spiritual place in my life. Believe me, it hasn't been easy.

For years I placed the blame on my lack of spiritual growth on various things like other people, broken things in my house, finances not being where I'd like them, studying too much brainiac stuff at church and not paying attention to heart conditions, but never did I look to myself. The people God put in my life, Katie, Karen, Ellen, as well as many at Northbrook Church, by praying for me and helping me see certain things finally broke through.

Finally I got the smack upside the head I needed and went to counsel with a pastor. (Some of that I shared about in previous posts so I won't go back there with this post. ) When I think back to first being told to listen to a message about being in a spiritual desert and then watching how God orchestrated events, circumstances and people all around me to gently prompt me out of the desert and into His oasis, I'm in awe. It bloggles the mind! He was gentle and merciful through this whole process and to Him belongs the glory!

I've learned so much through this experience, and one main thing I hope to always remember is to listen to the people God has placed in my life. Not everybody is matter of fact and gets to the point right away and some Godly wisdom and insight was shared with me but I was too blind, or stubborn, to see it. I hope that I have learned to be more attentive to the words people speak to me. I am praying that it won't take someone smacking me upside the head to point out my sin, but if it does, I pray that God puts that person, or people, there with the conviction to do it. I sure am thankful that He did this time.

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 9:14 AM

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Thursday, June 25, 2009

Identify the Enemy and Win (Part II)

In part one of this blog I shared how God spoke to me through creation and how I prayed for Him to show me the truth about my life and bring any lies into the light. He did and still is….

Later that night, He showed me who the real enemy was and how I had been deceived for years. The battle was not between me and others. The "others" were on my side and the enemy was disguised as my advocate. I saw those who loved me as though they were out to destroy me and the one who sought to destroy me as my friend. I had been going through a time of heavy oppression and I didn't even know it! I was deceived into rebellion, isolation, loneliness, and heartbreak. What should have been a place I could run to for rest had become a polluted waste. It was a slow fade that happened without my detection over a long period of time.

This was the great awakening that brought me to the other side of a long and difficult battle for freedom. It brought me to my knees in repentance and I let it all go. I handed it over to the only One who could carry my load…finally. God shined His light in the darkness, helping me to discern the truth from the lies. Now, with His help, I am cleaning up the mess and rebuilding from the ruins. Since that night of revelation, I have learned so much more and I am continuing to learn. That night, the scales fell from my eyes. I was able to identify the true enemy and it brought victory to a long and seemingly hopeless battle.

Since then, there has been a well spring of joy flooding up and out of me! I am able to love those I once saw as my enemies..and see how much they have been loving me. Even better, I have put my dependence on God because I have realized that it is humanly impossible for people to fill me with joy. Circumstances cannot bring me joy. These things can bring moments of happiness but not lasting joy rooted deep within. My joy can only come from the Holy Spirit of God.

Often we blame others and circumstances for the darkness we experience when really, we only need to take a closer look at the pollution we have allowed to seep within our own heart. God opened my eyes and brought His light into the darkness. He has exposed the pollution and cleaned the mess I made. What is even more amazing is that even when my heart was filthy...He did not leave. He sat in the midst of it all and waited for me to meet Him there...just like I left the peninsula at first, but was drawn to go back and seek Him in the midst of it all…and that is where I found Him. He is still changing me, growing me, and purifying me with His righteousness more and more every day. He is creating in me a clean heart and renewing a steadfast spirit within me daily (Psalm 51:10 NIV).

This isn't much different than when God's people in Ezra turned from God and intermarried with those who would pollute their lives and turn them from God. It isn't much different than when Eve was deceived in the Garden of Eden. The same enemy who lived then still roams the earth seeking whom He will devour (I Peter 5:8). But when God's people humble themselves and pray and seek His face and turn from their wicked ways, He will hear from Heaven, forgive their sin and heal their land (2 Chron. 7:14). He is a God of new beginnings, of forgiveness and of love. He alone is the source of pure joy everlasting. I once again have placed my hope in God and God alone. He has made me clean. Now I can grow.

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Posted by Katie at 9:50 PM

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Identify the Enemy and Win (Part I)

Ezra 9:10-11
"But now, O our God, what can we say after this? For we have disregarded the commands you gave through your servants and prophets when you said: 'The land you are entering to possess is a land polluted by the corruption of its peoples. by their detestable practices they have filled it with their impurity from one end to the other.'"

Who would ever think that I might actually receive revelation from the book of Ezra? This just goes to show that God's Word is truly alive and we have fellowship with Him when we study His Truth and are obedient to what we learn.

A good friend and colleague said something to me recently that changed my life. It was in regards to the spiritual battle I have been fighting. He told me, "The battle is fought in prayer". Jesus didn't win the battle on the cross, the battle was already won by then. He won the battle in the garden when He prayed. This was a defining moment for me. I went home that night and surrendered to pray fervently until I reached the promised land of peace.

My prayers began turning up the heat and the battle was becoming almost unbearable. Finally, one day, I took a day trip with Sue to go back to Pickwick, a place where we once found peace and joy in God's presence. My heart was broken and I felt like I was about to go under. God seemed so far away. Looking back, I do believe God brought us there that day.

I fought the idea of going on this trip. I was too depressed. But, she talked me into it. In previous visits to this place, I had experienced so much joy and growth. But, this time, unknown to me, it was not going to be what I expected. My heart was heavy on this particular day. I felt as if life had beaten me to a pulp and I was running out of strength to go on. I needed strength that only God could give.

We arrived at our favorite place on the peninsula to great disappointment. We began to make our way to the very end where many years ago, we would relax and enjoy the beauty of God's creation. As we made our way there, we began no notice a stench in the air. As we continued to walk, we found the source of the stench. First we observed a few feathers, then more and more as we continued on further (hoping things would improve). Sue commented that it looked like there was some kind of bird fight. It wasn't long before we had to turn around and go back. The area had been saturated with carcasses of dead animals, fish, and pollution. Our favorite spot had been severely neglected.

From a distance it still looked beautiful. But as we took a deeper look, we began to see the filth and it was truly disgusting. We moved to a different area where it was nicer but I was drawn to go back and see if God was trying to tell me something in all of it.

I walked along the shore to avoid the worst, made my way to the very end of the peninsula, sat on a rock and watched the waves roll in. I spent a very long time contemplating and praying about the things I was struggling with. My surroundings began to paint a picture of my life. I had no idea how God was about to move. He always speaks to me through His creation and I knew He had a message for me. So, I began to pray and ask Him what He wanted me to learn from this experience.

He began with calling my attention again to the fact that once this place was once a beautiful place to find rest and peace. But neglect and carelessness transformed it into a polluted mess. Beneath all of that waste, however, there was still a beautiful place. It only needed some tender, loving care and attention to restore it to what it was before. It was then that I began to take a deeper look at a polluted mess within...the place in my heart where once I would run to and meet with God. I had let so many things in life pollute that place. I unknowingly carried baggage that was so old and it "smelled" as bad as the peninsula. I had let co-dependency, pride, selfishness, envy, and insecurity, create a mess not much unlike that which I was observing around me. This was the reason for my darkness...not people or circumstances. I had let circumstances determine my peace. I had been looking to people for joy, thinking that because God wasn't flesh, that He could not fill that need. When in reality, it's because he is not flesh that he can! I spent hours with God and very little time with Sue that day at the river. I prayed. I cried. I cried hard. I asked for wisdom. Eventually, I asked Him to show me the truth and bring darkness to light, no matter how painful it might be. This was the beginning of victory and the path that would lead me to joy.

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Posted by Katie at 4:43 PM

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A Little Something I've Learned About Spiritual Authority (Part III)

For years the message I was getting from leadership that warned me about a possible co-dependency issue was always there in the back of my brain no matter how I tried to dismiss it. I don't want to give the impression that they were hounding me or constantly "holding me accountable" or anything like that. Quite the contrary; they said it and I rejected it. I rejected their belief that I was in bondage to a co-dependent relationship, and basically that was it. They just kept on loving me, edifying me, encouraging me and helping me when I needed help. They are spiritually minded enough to understand that I simply wasn't ready to receive their instruction and were willing to wait until I was.

Over the years I had been growing more discontent with the state of my life and a lot of it had to deal with my idea of what "dying to self" meant. This is where my co-dependency issue and spiritual immaturity collided and led to my sin of rebellion and failure to submit to authority.

Followers of the Sisters' Weblog know that since 2001 I have been sharing a home with Katie and her two children. It takes a lot of sacrifice and work to be successful in any family and/or framily (the term we coined to describe the bringing together of friends + family), and for that matter any relationship, and I got this idea in my head that I was dying to self in all of it. I sacrificed a lot of time, energy and finances. I began to be torn about it because I believe Christians are called to die to self and we are always to put others' before ourselves but to what end? I really began to struggle because I started to wonder if I had overstepped my boundaries? Had a given until it hurts? And beyond? I started to beat myself up over all of these questions and more. This was very detrimental to my spiritual life and it was all so very confusing.

Here is where the problem was with me; I basically took over and controlled everything in the framily when it came to day to day stuff, finances and "fixing things" to the point where it became such a bondage. I got tired of "having to do everything", but that's just it, I didn't have to do everything! I wanted to do everything and wouldn't let others do anything. Like a control freak! I began to carry burdens that were not mine. I carried them until they weighed me down to the point I was crushed and became useless.

I didn't conscientiously make the decision to do this, but it is what gradually started to happen to the point where I was getting so frustrated and worn out, even became resentful. Please understand that I am not placing any blame on any other party, this is totally on me and my issue with needing to help other people to the point it becomes destructive to me, and to them.

Another aspect is that I want to make others' happy. I will constantly do things so other people benefit, even if it is to my detriment. People don't even have to ask me for help, I just offer it and do it. This can become a problem because I will allow myself to be put in situations that I always feel a “need" to yield to another person's wants or needs. After awhile this starts to get to me because I start thinking "Hey! What about me?" and then I struggle because I should not have thoughts like that when I should be dying to self. This is so difficult for me to explain, but the main point is, I have an unhealthy need to make others happy and justify it by saying "I'm dying to self". The problem is then amplified because I am "dying to self" outside of the will of God. Anything I do outside of God's will is my will, and there is no dying to self in that at all. This would include not being obedient to spiritual authority.

My spiritual leaders saw this destructive behavior, as well as some other things that were destructive to me spiritually, and lovingly over the years tried to help me see it. They had insight into that which I could not see.

When things got to the point where I just couldn't handle it anymore, I had a friend who said to me one day "If you had obeyed years ago ... it may not have gotten this bad." Those words really struck a chord in me. It's not that I didn't know it, but she forced me to admit it to myself. She encouraged me to trust my pastor and other leaders and trust that God can give them insight into my life spiritually. I took a step of faith and as a result I have learned to trust them in order for them to speak truth to me, help me to see areas of weakness and help me to overcome any bondages associated with them.

My pastor lovingly pointed out to me when I finally was willing to submit to spiritual authority, wouldn't have yielding to leadership have been dying to self? It was easier to do what you wanted to do than to do what we were trying to help you see needed done. BAM! That was a true moment of enlightenment to me about dying to self. He was right. All along I was doing what I wanted to do and the end result was very destructive.

I also repented to him and told him I realize that I had not submitted to his spiritual authority over my life. I didn't get an "I told you so", what I got instead was a life affirming "I love this!"

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 3:06 PM

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A Little Something I've Learned About Spiritual Authority (Part II)

I mentioned in the last post that there were people around me, including some leaders in my church, who on occasion "hinted" to me that I may have an issue with co-dependency. I never really took that warning seriously and in fact was able to shrug it off without much effort, even to the point where I denied a problem and would say "they don't know what they are talking about", "I am responsible for my own life"or "they don't know my life, how can they know anything?".

Hindsight is 20/20 and as I look back over the years I can actually start to see why I ended up in a spiritual depression. Even as I was in it, I was blaming my presence there on various things including discontentment with my life and job, and studying so much theology that my brain was packed and my heart was empty. But, now I see exactly what it was! It was the thing that separates us from the love of God. It was sin.

My sin was rebellion. I rebelled against the spiritual authority in my life. I absolutely refused to submit to them. Much of this was done out of ignorance, but ignorance is never a defense, and it was also out of a lack of trust not only in my leaders, but obviously in my lack of trust in God. I didn't trust His anointed. That is never good!

Hebrews 13:17 tells me to obey my spiritual leaders. I Timothy 5:17-18 reminds me that elders are to be honored. I Peter 5:2-3 tells elders they are to guide the local church by setting its vision and direction, and in that to lead the members individually and collectively into productivity. A spiritual leader called by God is obviously entrusted by God with an awesome responsibility that He divinely equips them to do. Who am I to say that they don't know what they are talking about?

God put me into a body of believers and in that body are leaders that God has anointed. These people have been given a responsibility to watch over my spiritual well being and when I resist that, I am not allowing them to speak truth into my life. I am not allowing God to speak truth into my life! When you don't allow God to speak into your life --- you end up in a dry, dark and lonely desert wondering why you don't hear from God. No wonder!

None of this revelation was made known to me in an instant. It took months of working through it in prayer and with the help of intervention from other believers. I guess I'm going into a Part III which will delve a bit into the process of how all this was revealed to me, what all I have learned, and how it has affected me.

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 11:25 AM

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A Little Something I've Learned About Spiritual Authority

For those of you who faithfully follow the Sisters' Weblog, I feel I must apologize for the lack of posting for the better part of a year now. There are reasons for the lack of posting, but most of them revolve around the fact that for the past year and a half to two years, I have been enduring a spiritual growth spurt. A lot of the learning I have acquired has required me to think and contemplate, meditate, pray, and maybe not announce everything I have experienced to the entire world through the blog. Also, during this season of growth I have thought things and I have said and done things that were less than pleasing to the Lord. I must tell the reader as well that I want what I share to edify and not tear down. It has been a difficult season to be sure, but as God would have it, He has and is using it for His purpose and to grow me more into the likeness of His Son.

A little over a year ago I emerged from a spiritual desert and with somewhat new eyes I have been more aware of His Presence in my life and how He is working in it. With a renewed sense of purpose and understanding I stepped out of the darkness of the desert and into the Light which exposed some things that I never saw before in myself. It exposed weaknesses and sin.

While there are multiple things I learned about myself in my Christian walk over the course of this past year or so, I have narrowed this post down to the one major breakthrough and that is what I learned about yielding to spiritual authority.

Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you. (Hebrews 13:17)
For many years I have had those in authority over me telling me, or rather inferring to me, that I have a co-dependent relationship.

I balked at that. For years. But, what I didn't realize is that my pastor and leaders in my church had insight spiritually that I did not have.

So, what was my sin in all this? My sins were many, but the biggest was that I didn't recognize my leaders as spiritual authority over me, therefore I rebelled and didn't submit them. I was spiritually blind.

This post is starting to get rather long and I do want to get into how exactly the revelation of these things came to be understood, so I will consider this Part I, next to come in Part II is some of how I began to see that when I am spiritually blinded, others' may have insight into my life that I just can't see.

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 8:34 AM

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Sunday, May 24, 2009

Katrina's Graduation From Union University



And there's more for Facebooker's here and here!

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 12:56 PM

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Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Cocoon Building

There we were, Ellen and I, minding our own business and enjoying the beautiful day from the swing in the backyard when she pointed out a stick hanging there in the air just a few feet from us.


Suspended from a thin line of string was this little "stick". We sat there theorizing why this stick was hanging on this thread that was leading up to the tree tops in my backyard. I thought "is it conditioning?" imagining a spider dangling a stick as added weight to build endurance in his web building.

Ellen said "it could be construction" as if there was some type of plan coming to fruition from the wondrous architects of the arachnid world.

I played on that a bit and started to help whomever was at the top and holding the other end of the thread and said "go right, right...ok, there, now drop" and on cue, that stick suddenly dropped down another few inches.

It startled us both! LOL

Then, upon further inspection as we watched that stick suspended in the air, it suddenly began to MOVE!

It was alive!

Ellen said "it's a caterpillar and it must be spinning its cocoon!"

This is a video of that caterpillar's trek back up that string spinning a cocoon.

Sound effects provided by none other than Ellen! Girl, you crack me up! LOL

Another interesting and surprising thing that happened is that earlier a butterfly came by and was showing off how beautiful he was.

Creation is wondrous!

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 8:51 PM

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Sunday, May 10, 2009

Ma

I don't know when I started calling my mother "Ma", but it happened somewhere along the line. I guess it is my term of endearment for her. She is my ma. She is a life-giver.

Although God created me, and Ma and "pop" adopted me as an infant and therefore was not born of my ma, I consider her a life-giver because of what she has spoken into my life since the day she brought me into her home.

Never did I ever doubt the love she has for me. My entire life has been filled with words of encouragement, words of love, words of hope and all of her words give life.

I am so blessed that God chose my family to put me into. Why of all the mothers on the planet did God destine me for the most perfect ma? It is simply because of the love He has for me!

I remember as a child literally thinking that I want to be like my ma when I grow up. She cares deeply for people and I noticed that even as a youth when she would drive my friends home from visiting me. She would always wait until my friend was safely in their home before we would leave. Simple thing, but from it I learned to care and to this day I don't like to leave from dropping someone off until they are safely inside.

I also remember how on those rebellious teenage days when I might have decided that I didn't need to go to softball practice that she would come into my room, sit beside me on my bed, scratch my back and the scowl on my face would literally melt away. She would encourage me to go to practice because I had a commitment to the team and practice is important. She reminded me that my semi-pro playing grandad wouldn't have appreciated me skipping out on ball practice. Within minutes my attitude would change and we'd be on the road to practice.

Each morning Ma would quietly open the door to my room and gently speak my name "Sue" to awaken me for school. Now and then she might say "up and at 'em" with smile and a cheerful tone that would make rising from bed a little less difficult. She prepared breakfast daily for me and would send me off to school contented and reassured that it would be a good day.

Ma is an optimist. She is the most patient person I know. All through grade school, college, and even now, she is the one I can always call to feel better if I receive some not so good news. She just has this way of making "tragedies" not seem so bad. Her calming voice immediately quells anxiety about any situation and I remember in college how my roommates would always ask "Can I call your mom, she always makes me feel better." You know, even my adult friends do the same today!

I am so happy that my Ma is living a retirement full of activity. She embraces life and can even make the mundane things in life like grocery shopping something to appreciate and she can find the positive side of it. See? She is even a "miracle worker"! LOL She sees the glass half-full in every circumstance.

One of the most important reasons that I feel so thankful that I have my ma is because of all the love she has poured out over me all of my life. Because of the way she loves me, I have an ability to comprehend the unwavering love of God. People often come to understand the love of God through the relationship they have with their parents, and because I never went a day without feeling loved by them, I have been able in my humanity to understand something of the love of God. Unshakable, undeserved, unwavering, and eternal.

I love my ma so much. The love I have for her is very deep and really inexpressible with words. My heart just bursts when I think on how blessed I am.

My ma keeps our family intact. My sisters and I are not the greatest at keeping in touch with each other, but Ma knows what is going on in all of our lives and keeps us all informed.

She is just such an amazing woman and when I grow up I want to be like her.

She is so amazing and cool, she even Twitters! Follow Ma! Her tweets often crack me up!

Happy Ma's Day Ma! I miss you so much and can't wait for my next hug from you!

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 7:54 AM

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Sunday, May 03, 2009

A Spiritual Retreat to Natchez Trace

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 12:04 AM

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Wednesday, April 15, 2009

What Is My Alternative?

As Katie and I make our way through Beth Moore's "Esther: It's Tough Being a Woman" study, we often take time out to evaluate what we are learning and how the spiritual principles may be applied to our individual lives. Yesterday was a quite convicting lesson, at least for me.

In the lesson of Week 5 Day 5 we examined the behavior of Zeresh, Haman's wife, and how she endeavored to get rid of Haman's little problem called Mordecai. Moore's point was that often we get so sick of dealing with the drama of a loved one's life, that sometimes we basically want to take matters into our own hands, deal with it in what ever way possible that would end the drama quickly and efficiently.

Toward the end of the lesson there were five questions that we were to answer with a "yes" or a "no". These are the questions:

  • Do I have a low tolerance for the discomforts and upsets of those around me?
  • Do I feel pressured to come up with solutions to a loved one's persisting problems?
  • Do I ever grow weary enough of my loved one's problem that I could be tempted to give advice normally uncharacteristic of me?
  • Do I tend to get inordinately wrapped up in my loved one's conflicts with people and develop strong feelings like jealously, resentment, or hatred toward their opponent?
  • Do I tend to take a quick trip from passionate to irrational?
So, I answered them all and read the very next statement:
If you answered any of the above questions with "yes", what is your alternative?
Ok, that was NOT what I was expecting. Immediately I was so convicted of wrong attitudes. I mean the love and concern I have for my loved ones is genuine, but the way it controls me and causes me to behave when trouble comes, is totally inappropriate as the lesson made that undeniably clear.

I answered four of the five questions "yes".

For a person gifted with wisdom, my love while strong and good, surely has not always been reflected wisely. This is something that needs to change. And now.

It was difficult to look in the mirror at myself today, but thank God I was forced to.

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 9:39 PM

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Monday, April 13, 2009

Marshmallow Peep Blows Up

This is how we enjoyed our Easter candy.

Nothing like blowing up peeps!

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 11:48 PM

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Saturday, April 11, 2009

Trampoline Bible Study

Katie and I spent the afternoon on the trampoline out in the backyard. We enjoyed that time under the trees that recently have just burst out into springtime green. We noticed a robin in the dogwood tree sitting on the eggs in her nest there and got a decent picture of that.

We did our Esther study by Beth Moore on the trampoline today and really enjoyed immersing ourselves in the Word and enjoying our time with one another on this beautiful day.

God is good!



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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 5:49 PM

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Thursday, April 02, 2009

Look What God has Done! Part 3...The Rest of the Story?

In my previous posts I have shared a journey from brokenness to restoration, from devastation to wholeness, from ashes to beauty. Here is the final post....

Three days ago, I completed my bachelor's degree at the top of my class and received an achievement award and a leadership award. I am not saying these things to brag on myself (okay, well, maybe just a little). However, this has only bee possible because of God's provision along with hard work and the sacrifice of many. He provided my best friend who has sacrificed more than I can ever repay. He provided my church, other good friends and mentors who have helped me through difficult times emotionally, spiritually, and financially.

Ten years ago my life was in utter destruction. Today, I am about to have a brand new beginning once again. This time however, my life is moving from glory to glory. I am a new person with a new family (so to speak). I have grown so much in my walk with Him, as a woman, homemaker, provider, and a mom. I have watched my kids grow into beautiful young adults.

Now, I am undergoing a crisis of belief as God is once again stretching me. He is taking me out of my comfort zone. It's time for me to dive in like Sue did years ago. I can only hope she has been half as blessed as I have been over the last 10 years...in spite of all the very difficult trials that had to be endured (some of them actually even appear funny looking back).

Now God is moving again. He is calling me and my daughter away from the place I have called home for the last decade..and from the state that has been my home for more than 25 years. This time He is calling me to the very same people who stepped in and took my kids every other weekend when they were small (to model a Christian marriage/family and to give mom a day off). This family has shared Thanksgiving dinner with us almost every year for the last 9 years. Our kids became best friends. Now, they have invited me and my daughter to temporarily reside with them in Atlanta as they assist us in gaining complete independence.

This is very frightening to me and a huge leap of faith. It is a very difficult move as I am happy in my current place of residence with my best friend for life. I will miss so much and my heart breaks at the thought of leaving. But, I must follow God's lead. If I have learned anything over the years, I have learned that God's way is truly best and when I try to do it my way...I get in a mess!

So, in summary...I started from a life of dysfunction, co-dependence, feelings of worthlessness, ignorance, and brokenness. I had two children who had no hope for a future the way things were going. God made it possible for me to raise those 2 children to be strong, healthy young adults (in spite of being a single mom with little education). He has taught me how to be a good mother (by surrounding me with healthy, strong, Godly people and sending my son strong male role models to provide the masculine influence that I couldn't). He has given me opportunities to be a minister to those who's shoes I once walked in. He has given me the opportunity to graduate from college (and I am not finished yet by the way...there has been talk of seminary in Atlanta). He has given my kids opportunities beyond anything they could have been afforded apart from Him. More and more I am beginning to stand on my own two feet financially and in every other way. He has humbled me. He has grown me deeper in my walk with Him. He has given me vision. He has given me and my family beauty from the ashes. Has worked everything out for good for my framily that loves Him and is called according to His purpose. He has given us a new life. He has given us esteem. He has given us dignity and worth in Him. Look what God has done!

The price was heavy. There were times of deep suffering and despair...all for His glory and I praise Him! And the story is still being written!

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Posted by Katie at 7:59 PM

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Look What God has Done! Part 2

In the first portion of this blog, I shared about how God sent me my best friend and Sister in Christ to help me rebuild a lifetime of destruction....Now, as the late Paul Harvey would say...I bring you...."The rest of the story"

.....I tried working in hopes to get my mind off of the brokenness I was suffering and have an income to help pay the bills. It was a nightmare. I was unable to come out ahead after paying the sitter and gas. I couldn't find a good babysitter and there was always trouble. I could only work part-time and make minimum wage. I started on Welfare and medicaid. I was very dependent on others to help me in so many ways because I was unable to help myself. God provided.

When child support seemed to be coming in regularly, God opened the door for me to attend college full time. I received my associate's degree with honors in 2004. I began working part-time again because my kids still needed me at home. I also kept the house running full-time while running around to church activities, camps, soccer practices, play practices, basketball practices, PTA meetings, and so much more. All of this running around and involvement with my kids was possible because my best friend believed that my kids needed their mom and did everything she could to help.

I volunteered with a local abuse recovery program for almost 5 years and ended up with a few surprising public speaking engagements as a result. God used me so unexpectedly and has brought so many into my life who's shoes I have worn out myself in the past. I know their pain. I understand their struggle and what they need more than anything is for somebody to understand...and offer them hope. I can do that now.

After getting my first degree, I decided I wanted to explore some culture. When I was in school I began painting. It came so easy. I never knew I had it in me. Shortly after that I was getting paid to paint murals in a local school. I also became active in community theater, landing a couple of decent roles in musicals. All along, Sue had begun playing in the symphony and I had my first experience with that as a guest of the orchestra! I also ended up seated at the table with a state representative! Oh the pleasures I have been indulged with...the plunder...that my loving Father just gave me. It all belongs to Him!

With each passing year, God has chosen a particular area, a focus in my life to stretch and grow me and my framily. Through all of it He was also growing Sue by leaps and bounds as well (and I promise you..it did not come easy)! There were so many dark times...times of utter hopelessness and despair. So many people with opinions tearing us down at every turn. But we continued to trudge through. Sue stuck with us through the worst of times....determined to see us grow.

In 2007, God called the kids and I on our first overseas mission trip. He provided for us to go and have the experience of a lifetime in Albania! I always knew I was called to missions...but my whole family? That in itself is another blog entirely! We got to minister in prisons and in neighborhoods; and ministries continue to grow from our time there. There are people and faces from that trip that I will never forget.

In the fall of 2007, I got my first full-time position and began going to school again. I was able to secure medical insurance and get off of government assistance. Shortly after I began working on my bachelor's degree, I fell into a great opportunity to do what I had always wanted to do. I began working as a ministry assistant in a local church. It was a step up from where I had been..towards the place where God is still taking me.

In 2008, My son graduated from High School, a strong Christian young man who received a standing ovation at his graduation for enlisting to serve our country. In December of 2008, he graduated Navy boot camp as the head of his division. His title: Recruit Petty Officer in Charge. There are no words to describe the pride and thankfulness that overwhelmed me in that moment!

My daughter is currently a lifeguard part-time. She has had the opportunity to save a life...and even rescue a few triathlon victims! Oh the stories she can tell! I am such a proud mom! She is a hard worker. She is an excellent college bound student getting excellent grades in advanced classes. This is all because of God's provision for both of my kids to attend a good Christian school...when it should not have been possible. He provided Sue, my church family, a job for me, and scholarships for my kids. It is a miracle that has taken place for 4 years now.

Read about the latest news in my nest and final post on what God has done.

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Posted by Katie at 7:37 PM

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Look What God has Done!

Almost 10 years ago I met my current best friend. She had just become a Christian (April 4, 1999). I was about to celebrate my 10th wedding anniversary...the date that I sent out a prayer request all over the World Wide Web. I was about to learn that God's thoughts and ways are not like mine.

During this time, my life was a dysfunctional mess. I was very co-dependent and living an an abusive environment. I was a stay-at-home mom with two young children, trying to figure out how I would ever escape the muck and mire of a dysfunctional life.

A newborn Christian named Sue responded to my desperate internet plea for my situation. She began to carry a burden for my family that she still carries even today. God made a heart connection that day that began her walk with a BIG BANG! Shortly thereafter, he began to lay it on Sue's heart to move to TN so He could use her in a decade of stretching, molding, and growing for both of us that, at times has been extremely painful to endure.

The marriage did not survive as Sue and I thought it would. We thought that God brought Sue here to help win my husband to Christ and therefore restore my marriage. It seemed logical. But my spouse's heart was hard against God. Instead, of seeing restoration, Sue ended up sacrificing her life to missions...a mission from God to help me rebuild places long devastated. Sue stepped in, willing to suffer with me, the consequences of my bad choices...to help me turn my life around...and so it has...completely.

When we met, although I was so happy in our friendship, I was a dysfunctional broken mess from a lifetime of wrong living and following poor examples. I had been a Christian and attended church faithfully and actively for most of my marriage. But, I was so naive...so broken and beaten down. I had only a high school diploma, no understanding of right living, no work experience for over a decade and two children to nurture, with little constructive guidance on parenting.

Although the divorce left a huge mark of failure for a very long time, God began restoring me right from the start. First, He provided us with a home. Sue and I and the kids moved in together and thus the word Framily was born (friend + family).

Read more about this in my next post.

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Posted by Katie at 6:21 PM

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Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Feed the Spirit...Starve the Flesh

"Feed the Spirit not the flesh...feed the Spirit not the flesh!!!!" Makes me think of a scene in the Muppet Christmas Carol....oh, I'm digressing before I even begin! Seriously.....

Sometimes I beat myself up because of the selfishness that I seem to have little control over. I can have an awesome day in the Lord, great Bible study, intimate prayer, deep revelation. He can convict me, restore me, and lift me to the highest heights...and it only takes one incident, one moment, one injustice and all that spiritual food I just digested begins to sour in my stomach as the flesh starts taking over. It is so easy to forget the beauty of the moment. So easy to get sidetracked...so easy to start focusing on what I want instead of what God wants for me.

I try to focus on scriptures that tell me to focus on what is good, and lovely...and I resent the very words that will heal. This is the battlefield for my mind...every minute..every day.

Life has a way of feeding the flesh. People say things that hurt, finances crumble, relationships die. I place my worth in what others think and say and forget that God's esteem is so much more rewarding and lasting. My deeds will never earn the respect of others. No matter how much I do or say, I will never measure up. People will always complain, find fault, and point out flaws. As I struggle to please people, I l exhaust myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually until I am bankrupt...and still I am criticized. That's just human nature. It's what people do..even the nicest people do this! I do this to other people! So, why do people seek the esteem of others when all we have to do to receive God's esteem is to desire it with all our heart?

I only have to truly seek to please my God with all my heart. I don't have to perfect pleasing God...I only have to seek His esteem over others...and in that alone He will be pleased. In that alone He honors. What? Being honored by God? Isn't it supposed to be the other way around...well, that's just the kind of God He is! That in itself is a reward beyond measure...a freedom that has no boundaries...yet it is so difficult to do. Why?

Is it because it requires faith like a child? My sister read something to me last night that I have pondered over and over. As we mature in the flesh, we become more dependent on ourselves. As we mature in the Spirit...we become less dependent on ourselves and more dependent on God. We begin to realize just how helpless we really are apart from Him. I must be maturing because I am realizing more and more every day how little I can do apart from Him (umm His Word says that I can do nothing)....and I am discovering more and more how much I need Him..His words...constantly planted and deeply rooted in my heart, soul, and mind..feeding my Spirit and starving my flesh! That is where my strength comes from. That is how I will grow. It can't be in spurts...it has to be constant..when I wake up, when I lie down, when I eat, sleep, drink, sleep, drive, work, visit with friends, talk on the phone...

When I am not feeding the Spirit...I am not starving the flesh...so I must never stop feeding my Spirit. I know it and it's obvious in my actions, conversation, and thoughts when I am starving my Spirit and feeding my flesh.

I can't feed the flesh and be satisfied...anymore than I can make every person like me all the time. But I need only hunger for Christ and his esteem to be satisfied beyond measure.

So, why should it ever be a battle? Because I do not have to seek evil...it seeks me out. And, although God is there, sometimes He does not make His presence obvious because He wants us to seek Him out....and if I seek Him with all my heart...I do find Him..and I am filled. He hears my cries and He answers. Then, I have to stay focused (I can't even do that apart from a miracle). If I just glance away for one moment...I find myself feeding the flesh yet again.

This is my confession. This is the battle of every single God fearing human being. Read about it in the Word of God. Read about Daniel, Noah, Moses, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Sarah, Esther, Job, David, Peter, Paul.....God's prophets and apostles were not even exempt from being human.

This is the greatest thing because....Christ died. He took our punishment so therefore...there is no more condemnation...NO GUILT! NO SHAME! Nosireeebob! He took all that.

The only thing God wants for us to have about our mess ups is conviction and repentence...anything else is not from Him. Christ absorbed that on the Cross. Wow, talk about injustice. Okay...I'm starting to ramble...so what?

So, I mess up! So, maybe I talked too much or too loud. Maybe I say dingy things sometimes, maybe I do dumb things...alot! Maybe I gossip, and maybe I hurt people...maybe I get convicted..maybe I will repent...maybe I do desire to please God and maybe I want His esteem more than any other..maybe I don't...maybe I will grow deeper in Him with every forgiven mistake...and maybe I'll have to start all over again tomorrow...Thank God His mercies are new EVERY morning and His love for me never changes...He will never love me more than yesterday or less than tomorrow. He will never love me less than He did from the Cross, or when He was creating the Earth...or than in this very moment. He loves me perfectly...always has...and always will...and I can only love that way when I feed the Spirit and starve the flesh.

Oh God...make me hunger to please You. When my heart is focused on what people think about me, it is not seeking to please you...I am feeding my flesh.

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Posted by Katie at 6:09 PM

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Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Spring Survives!!!!

This morning, as I drove into work, I was taken aback by the beautiful spring scenery before me. The trees’ blossoms resembled the snow that covered their barren limbs just a week ago! It’s hard to believe that everything was under a frozen blanket so recently and still spring is bursting forth right on schedule as usual! (I don’t know about you, but I find that pretty exciting!)

While I was absorbing the beauty of the morning, my thoughts were drawn to one solitary buttercup that had blossomed by my front porch for the first time this year. After several days of frigid temperatures, and being buried under a blanket of snow, I recalled glancing the flower just yesterday, still alive and just as beautiful as if the cold and snow never happened. As I marveled about this, my mind was directed to Matthew 6:25-30:

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet, I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how god clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?”

I often find myself losing sleep worrying over things that I should be trusting God to deal with. When it finally becomes overwhelming, as a last resort, I fall to my knees (when it should have been my first instinct). Philippians 4:6-7 tells us to make our requests known to God and then peace will settle our hearts and minds in Christ. It is only after I have laid my burdens before Him that I find peace and rest. We are in such a time of economic and social crisis in our world. It is likely that even the strongest in faith will be tempted to worry. Let the words of God be a constant reminder in these difficult times; to fall down before our Savior and let Him carry the weight of your burden because his burden is light (Matt. 11:30).

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Posted by Katie at 9:53 AM

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Friday, March 06, 2009

Guilt Free Prayer

I read a section called Lament in Yancey's book "Prayer" last night that was profound, well, at least to me.

"A dead-end marriage that seems to offer no way out. A surly teenager who saps the family finances and shows resentment, not appreciation...Global terrorism, a national election that goes the wrong way. A bitter and divided church. A parent with dementia. Each of these circumstances rightly calls for prayers of lament." (I could add a few things to this list that affect me personally, just like you the reader could I'm sure.)
I just always feel guilty praying about things like that, like I'm complaining and/or ticked off, which are things I, a Christ follower, should not be. I'm supposed to be grateful for all my blessings, instead, all I see sometimes is the negative, everything that is going wrong and how life isn't fair. He went on to say:
"Robertson McQuilkin, as patient a man as I know, confessed the temptation to scream at, even slap, his Alzheimer's-afflicted wife when irritation reached a certain level."
I KNOW THAT IRRITATION LEVEL! I feel like I live there almost daily for at least part of the day anyway!
Prayer offers a better alternative, just as the psalms' fierce prayers against enemies offer a better alternative than personal revenge. We need feel no guilt over such prayers of frustration, for God welcomes them."
I tried to pray guilt free last night. I didn't come natural at all.
"When I struggle with guilt, I find that inner conversation revolving around myself: attempt to rationalize or explain away my behavior, resentment against others who caused it, feelings of self-pity and remorse. Only confession can clear away that self-absorption and open my spirit to God's soft voice."
The confession part is big. Possibly where I'm stuck. Which leads to guilt. That Yancey dude wrote down MY thinking! LOL

What I read last night just kept swirling and swirling in my head all night and is still there this morning. I shall ponder it awhile longer.

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 11:14 AM

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Tuesday, March 03, 2009

In Not Of

"...for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world." (John 17:14)
"They are not of the world, even as I am not of it." (John 17:16)
Christians are not of this world. We are to live a life that is holy, or "set apart", and pleasing to the Lord.
"Jesus said, "My kingdom is not of this world...'" (John 18:36)
We love Jesus because He first loved us. He invited us to join Him in His Kingdom and those who chose life, who chose Jesus, are to live a life worthy of the Kingdom.
"If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world." (John 15:19)
As Christians, our lives should reflect our Kingdom values. Our lives should be "set apart", they should be holy lives.
"Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world." (1 John 2:15-16)
I've been thinking about being "in" and not "of" the world a lot recently. I've pointed the finger at myself because I realize I am so eager to throw stones. I've been examing how I'm working out my salvation.

I've been asking myself what does salvation look like? What does living a holy life look like? Does it look the same to everyone?

I believe that a Christian's life should look different than a non-Christian's life,

"A life that is totally and completely dependent on God will always look different!"

just as Jesus' life looked different to the non-believers of His day. His disciple's lives looked different too. A life that is totally and completely dependent on God will always look different! A person who loves the Lord with all his heart, soul, mind and strength, will live a life that expresses that relationship and I really don't see how it can be avoided.

I believe that if I grabbed a person off the street and had them spend the day with a non-believer, and then another whole day with a Christian, that those days would, or should, look different to the person off the street.

I consider whether my life looks different? I think some things do. Somethings, unfortunately do not. Other things, I know aren't different...especially my thought life.

What kind of things do I fill my life with that reflects the fact that I dwell in His Kingdom? There are a few different things about my life that I would say shows that I am not "of" this world. One is that I am very discerning about what music I listen to. I choose to listen to mainly Christian music, and music that carries positive messages. It's been quite awhile since I purchased anything secular. The radio is tuned to Christian music stations and mostly talk radio, but I listen mainly to my CDs which contain music that edify and glorifies God.

Television is another aspect in my Christian walk that has really changed. Basically, I haven't watched tv since 1999. I have a tv in the house, but no cable, which means we can receive one channel, the local ABC affiliate. I don't watch it. No one here really does, except now and then the news and Katie does enjoy Lost. I don't think the kids are being deprived either, at least not watching tv keeps them from being depraved!

I do watch movies, but again, I am very discerning about what I watch. I won't go to movies rated above PG-13, and I usually "screen" movies at Plugged In before going to view any. The movies I watch at home used to be Clean Films versions, until they were forced out of business. Still, we try to avoid movies that glamorize sex and/or violence, and have no redeeming value at all.

I am selective about what I read as well. Most of my reading material consists of Bible studies, theological studies and apologetics, and devotional material. Lately though, I haven't been reading enough of that stuff! I also read Discipleship Journal magazine and enjoy Reader's Digest, and other Christian magazines I subscribe to. I do read a lot of blogs too!

Then comes my finger pointing. One way I do NOT do very well with leading a holy

"As a Christian, our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit"

life is giving my body as a living sacrifice. I am not big on excercising and should probably do better taking care of this body. I need to improve in my eating habits. I consciously try to eat healthier foods, fruit instead of snickers bars, and water, instead of Coke, and did well for awhile, but do you realize how much easier it is to find a candy bar instead of fruit when you are hungry and trying to hold out until dinner? And I'm not very good with the water drinking! As a Christian, our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit and how we care for them should reflect that fact. I am very convicted.

I'm not always the tidiest person around either. I wonder sometimes if Christians should work a bit harder to maintain a clutter-free life and keep things simple. I pile things. Mail piles up all over the counter and my clothes pile up on my dresser. This is definitely an area I need to improve in and should, since I should be preparing for my mansion in paradise!

Another area of my life that is probably not serving Christ well all the time is the addiction I have to this computer and the Internet! I don't do anything "bad" on here, it is just possible that I spend too much time here and not with God. Katie keeps reprimanding me for making this an "idol". ugh. She's probably right.

I wonder sometimes what my life looks like to other people. I wonder if they can actually see that I live for God? I do believe it should be noticeable, and if it isn't, maybe I'm living too much like the world.

I am in this world, not of it. The world should "hate" me. If the world doesn't hate me, it is quite possible that I look too much like it.

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 10:36 PM

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