February 02, 2006 at 04:50 PM CST
Thursday, 2/2/06

I am grateful to Melissa Walsh and Seth Chandler for enabling the creation of this new site for the many kind souls who are paying close attention to Holly's condition. I (her father) will try to keep this page updated daily.

We are glad to report that Holly is making progress. She is no longer unconscious, having awakened just three days after the January 28th accident. She is not yet able to speak, and we are still working on getting her to be able to swallow liquids. She is up out of bed in a wheelchair for several hours a day. She is not yet able to walk around because of her pelvis injury. Today Holly got her stitches out and her beautiful blonde hair washed and braided for the first time since the accident. She seems to enjoy watching videos of old JRPD plays she had roles in, as well as other favorites. I had some sweet moments with her this morning reading her some favorite passages from the Bible.

Please pray that within the next day Holly remembers how to swallow liquids so we can get her off of the IV.

Thank you so much for your love and concern and many prayers. Our home is full of beautiful flowers and cards. Holly's room is covered with notes, cards, and other expressions of kindness. We are discovering once again the extraordinary power of Christian community, as the incarnation of Christ's body in the world.

February 04, 2006 at 09:50 AM CST
Yesterday Holly did swallow a bit of water, juice, and even some pudding for the first time. So the main prayer request for yesterday was achieved. Thank you for your prayers. Keep at it, please.

My three hours in the hospital at mid-day showed me the complexity of what is going on, and the challenges being presented to Holly.

Pray for her thinking of it this way: When awake, Holly is definitely conscious of what people are saying to her and at times responds to their various commands: raise a thumb, squeeze my hand, etc. She is able to do this with both her right and left hands, which is critically important, because it shows that functionality in both hemispheres of the brain still exists.

All day long in the hospital, this girl who is injured and sore and frightened and confused about what has happened to her, with a bruised brain and a broken pelvis, this girl who is intelligent, conscious, and yet unable to communicate, is bombarded by people trying to get her to do things for them or with them.

It is all part of the process but I can tell you that she gets rarely 5 minutes of peace between visits by neuro doctors and nurss, physical therapists, speech pathologists, occupational therapists, etc. Then of course there are us, the family members, other friends, visiting ministers, people who know us from the hospital and are just dropping by, official business types who need to see me or Jeanie, etc. No wonder she just wants to go to sleep. After three hours in that environment, I do too, from sheer overstimulation.

So the prayer for Holly is that she can each day move toward regaining some of her damaged capacities, but also that she can get sufficient periods of rest to have the energy to do what everyone wants her to do. The prayer for us as her parents is to know how to play traffic cops and best protect her interests in the long run.

Other medical news for this following closely: Holly is now on a NG tube, which is at last getting her some nutrition after many days on an IV. She appears to be leaving it alone, not trying to pull it out, even though it can't be very comfortable. Getting this nutrition in her should really help her recover some strength.

She is cooperating with physical therapy in getting her up out of bed and sitting in a wheelchair.

Her pain seems to be increasing a bit for some reason. Perhaps the broken pelvis is aggravated from all the activity and her squirming around. The doctors and nurses are trying to figure out the best way to take care of the pain without sedating her too much, which is the last thing you want to do to a neuro patient who is trying to regain their full capacities.

The other day in response to a stimulus Holly said "Ow" loud enough for those in the room to hear it. This is the first verbal articulation of any type we have heard so far.

Another interesting thing that happened is that one evening last week her friend Francis left the room after a visit and Holly seemed to be unhappy about that, as expressed by kicking her legs angrily. Her face currently shows no affect--a result of her injuries. This was the means she had available to her, I guess--kicking her legs.

I remain unspeakably grateful for the excellent and caring medical professionals serving Holly and our family, and for the faithful friends who have kept vigil with us in this very long week.

Pray for the girl we know, the girl who is in that wounded but recovering brain. She will come back to us, by God's grace.

February 04, 2006 at 11:59 PM CST
Tonight I had the blessed privilege of hanging out with Holly for the 3-11 shift. We have it organized so that someone is with Holly at all times. I'm so glad it was my turn tonight.

I sense that Holly is coming back to us. Thanks be to God.

The most spectacular development happened when her friend Francis suggested that we try the blink test with Holly. So we tried it. "Holly, if you want some water right now, please blink once." And she did it! Holly, if you want some pudding, please blink once. And she did it! Holly, if you want to watch Harry Potter on TV, please blink. Once again she did it. And then, Holly if you want some more water, please blink. And she passed on that opportunity. I am confident that we are communicating with our girl once again!

Holly also today pushed herself up from her reclined bed position constantly. I think she is trying to find a way to sit comfortably with aching muscles, a damaged tailbone, and a fractured pelvis. I also think she is really eager to get out of bed. Once she swung her legs over the bedrails just trying to get out.

I successfully fed her some ice cream, pudding, and water by spoon today. She swallowed well but did not seem to want much. That is to be expected, I guess.

She is being fed by NG tube and seems to understand that she shouldn't mess with it because it is helping her. Her color and energy level and alertness are all improving, partly because she is at last getting some nutrition. I think that if it were not for her pelvis injury she would be up and walking around right now. She certainly seems eager to get out of bed.

Tonight I reflected on the mercies of God.

One week ago, Holly was in a terrible car accident. I went with Paul Jackson and Brian Hoppers to look at the car on Monday. I saw her totally smashed up little Sunfire. I saw the pretty beat up huge SUV that hit her. I think that it is without a doubt a miracle that Holly is with us. It is a miracle that Holly had no internal organ injuries, no broken left arm or leg, no glass in her eyes, no bone break that is not expected to heal fully. And it seems really quite miraculous that just one week later she is awake, fully conscious, finding ways to communicate, beginning to relearn some things, and recognizing the friendly faces around her. She has a long way to go, but it seems appropriate and only right to say with the Scriptures,

"Now unto the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only wise God, be honor and glory forever and ever, Amen."

February 05, 2006 at 07:53 PM CST
I was with Holly today between 7 and 3. It was a somewhat more difficult day, but we knew there would be days like these.

The challenge for the doctors is in balancing two conflicting priorities. They want her to be as alert as possible in order to make progress in brain recovery, and so they have ended the narcotic painkillers. But she does still have significant medical issues, and so too little pain medication leaves her in considerable pain. Today it seemed that the pain took over. It was sad to see her cry today, which happened a few times. Ultimately she was so uncomfortable that we had to send everybody away and just try to soothe her as her parents and with as peaceful an environment as possible.

It appears that fairly soon Holly will need to go to a neuro rehab center out of town. We are considering various possibilities. All will take several months, if not longer.

Pray in the short term for the best possible financial arrangements with the insurance company so that we can do what we need to do here. I am simply going to trust God that the exciting ecumenical effort being organized on our behalf by the newly constituted Loaves and Fishes Ministry, which will exist to help our family and others who face health crises like this, will provide the necessary funds where insurance coverage reaches its limits. To learn about and support this effort, contact its organizer, Seth Chandler, at 731-217-6649.

Here is the target prayer request for those of you who want to pray as boldly as possible:

Pray that Holly will eventually achieve 100% recovery from this traumatic brain injury!

People are telling us not to expect too much. They throw around terms like 80% or 90%, significant ongoing deficits, etc.

At one level, I seek nothing other than the opportunity to celebrate each day having my girl back from an accident that could have killed her. And I need nothing FROM Holly. She does not need to "accomplish" anything for me to be infinitely pleased with her, and infinitely grateful to God for her life.

No, I want us to pray boldly for 100% recovery for Holly for HER, for her full and joyful experience of adult life in years to come.

But more, I want this for God's glory. The fierce prayer efforts that people have been making on Holly's behalf have already yielded great fruit after just one week. When Holly's recovery exceeds all expectations, there will be a profound celebration, and it won't just happen in Jackson, Tennessee.

Begin to pray right now for Holly's 100% recovery.

February 06, 2006 at 08:44 PM CST
Today was a much better day for Holly.

Her pain seems to have been better regulated, and so she was less uncomfortable. Jeanie thinks that Holly is comforted when I am there, and especially on the rare occasions when both Jeanie and I can be there with her together.

During that time today Holly was able to sit up in the wheelchair for over two hours, some of it awake and some it asleep. There was a real tender moment as I sang to her. I used to sing to the kids, especially Holly and Marie, when I put them to bed. Today I brought out a few of the old favorites. It was sweet as I sang "Amazing Grace," "The Old Rugged Cross," and "O Come O Come Emmanuel" to her, as I looked out our 6th floor window at the gray sky and watched Holly's drooping eyelids close and go off to sleep.

It's interesting that it's mainly when I sing that I get choked up these days. But the tears are part of the healing process, I know. And when I sing that God's grace is amazing I am reminded that I really do believe that, and I really am counting on that grace for Holly and for all of us, and I really have seen that grace already in so many profound ways.

A wonderful lady named Diane Hightower, from Northbrook Church, came by today. She is a speech therapist, one of the many Jackson General staff who (I gather) have gone out of their way to make a special visit to Holly beyond their normal rounds (along with the great folks who are there as part of their daily duties). Holly was quite responsive to Diane, responding to various commands that had not been attempted before, and actually moving rather quickly to make those responses. This was very encouraging.

We have also learned from both our devoted daughter Madeleine, visiting from out of state, and from Lynnie Grant (Grandmommy) that in the last two nights Holly has spoken in her sleep. Her first words were "No No No No No." We think she was maybe dreaming about the accident. Poor girl. But it is awesome to know that she can and will still talk.

We realize that we have joined a new community, or actually, a series of communities. We have joined the community of those whose children have suffered traumatic brain injury, abbreviated as TBI. It is sadly common, and most likely to be experienced in the age range of 15-25. I hope every young driver who reads these words will remember this, and bear it in mind, for the sake of your parents, and yourselves. Don't drive if you are not good at it. Don't ever drive if you are distracted. Remember that you are high-risk just because of your age and inexperience. Remember what is at stake every time you get behind the wheel.

But there is another kind of community tonight that I celebrate. That is the community of compassion that has converged around us during this time. There is the new Loaves and Fishes Ministry, initiated by Seth Chandler of JCS but in fact an ecumenical body with the potential to help many, many injured young people and their families in years to come. There are the many caring individuals, families, classes, and concerned people from all across our community and really, around the world. There is the gracious gesture of Dr. Steve Gaines and the good folks of Bellevue Baptist Church, to reach out with support for us almost immediately after the crisis. The same thing is happening here in town.

I have been changed by this experience. I had been tempted to think that fulfillment was found out THERE, on the road, in speeches and books and the attention of strangers. I now have been reminded in the most powerful way that what matters is right HERE, in this home and with the people who live here, in the community of my students whom I love and who love me, in the churches that have bombarded us with love, and in the entire local community of Jackson, Tennessee.

My place is here. In better days, may I return to others in need what has been so abundantly showered on me and my family in these difficult days.

February 07, 2006 at 08:26 PM CST
I am intensely focused tonight on what at this moment at least seems like the most important (earthly) decision we will ever make in this family: where to send Holly for neurological rehabilitation.

It's like an interview process; more deeply, a discernment process. We decided early on that we wanted to find the very best place for Holly that we could find. We know that there will not be a second chance to do the intensive brain rehabilitation that is required with traumatic brain injury, which is the official term for Holly's situation. We must now decide what is the very best place to send Holly for what is called "acute (care) neurological rehabilitation." That will be followed up by what is called postacute rehabilitation, which is then usually followed up by outpatient rehab, though there are various titles for various programs.

We have zeroed in on two programs in Atlanta. One is the Shepherd Center. The other is called Children's Healthcare of Atlanta@Scottish Rite. Both come very highly recommended. Both are among the best in the country. Both are sending representatives to talk to us in Jackson; Shepherd was here today; CHOA on Thursday. We need to make the decision very soon. It seems very clear to us that Holly needs to make the move to Atlanta sooner rather than later. Jeanie will go with her. I will visit, with the other kids, just as often as possible. They will probably be gone for several months.

I am trying to clear my mind of all other distractions to focus on studying the pros and cons of these centers. Please pray hard for Jeanie and me as we do this.

I have been studying acute brain injury enough to now say to all who love Holly that we are in for a long process, and that none of us will be the same on the other end.

I have learned that this is, of course, especially true of Holly. We continue to pray for 100% recovery; but the experts seem to suggest that "recovery" is not exactly the right word. One book says, "in addition to an emphasis on recovery of functions, part of rehabilitation involves acceptance of permanent changes." (Traumatic Head Injury, 1993).

The Holly of the future, with the best rehab that money can buy, will be different than the Holly of January 27, 2006, because she will be a complex combination of who she was before the accident, the trauma she has experienced and the damage that it caused, her way of coping with this trauma, the effectiveness of the neurological rehab she will experience and how she interacts with that rehab, and the way in which she is treated as she reintegrates into her community.

"Through love, understanding, and willingness to dedicate time to the family member or friend, positive growth does occur. There is, however, a point at which it must be recognized that the individual with a head injury will not return to be exactly as she was before the accident."

So all of us who love Holly will have a role to play when she returns in helping her to successfully reenter the community, church, school, and family. I will probably continue to use these pages to try to help us do that. Those who are interested can start studying the relevant websites, like www.neuro.pmr.vcu.edu.

In a sense, we need to go ahead and grieve, because what we knew as normal for Holly, and all of us, is apparently not coming back. But there is a "new normal" in the process of developing, and all of us can play a role in making it as loving, supportive, and welcoming for Holly as possible. Recognizing that normal now means a "new normal" has helped me alot in my own grieving process in the last few days. And I am reminded that our God has always brought people to and through dramatic transitions that no one welcomed but that made his people more faithful, and more holy. May it be so one more time.

February 08, 2006 at 09:34 PM CST
I have little time to write tonight as I am heading to the hospital for my precious night shift with Holly.

But I must report this one piece of great news: today, Holly laughed! And she smiled! Both for the first time since the accident.

Her friend Tiffany was telling a funny story to their mutual friend Francis. It must have broken through for Holly, and she laughed! How I wish I could have been there!

When I heard about this, I felt this pure surge of joy running all the way through me. My daughter laughed. And the angels in heaven rejoiced!

February 09, 2006 at 11:22 AM CST
I head to Atlanta with a discerning friend this evening out of the conviction that I must personally check out the two remaining options for Holly's care. Pray for my strength and energy after 2 hours of sleep. Pray for absolutely clear discernment of God's will. We will spend 3 hours at Shepherd and 3 hours at Children's Healthcare Scottish Rite tomorrow. Pray for me to ask the right questions, notice the right things, and be led into God's will. Because I believe that it would be presumptuous to ask for God's leadership without doing my own homework, I have been working hard to explore our options from all angles. Our prayer is that this would get resolved, with clarity, this weekend.

February 11, 2006 at 09:06 AM CST
I am grateful to my friend George Boyte who I asked to accompany me to Atlanta on Thursday evening. He did all the driving on Thursday when I was completely wiped out, and much of it on Friday on the way back. God preserved us as we fought through the snow last night and made it back to Jackson.

We did indeed spend the morning at Shepherd Center and the afternoon at Children's Healthcare@Scottish Rite. Though both appear to be quite good, our choice is clear. We are going with Shepherd Center. Holly and Jeanie will be flown out of Jackson Tuesday morning quite early. I will probably drive the car down on Monday night, loaded with weeks and weeks of clothes for Jeanie, Holly, and me. Holly's intake assessment will happen on Tuesday and she will begin her acute inpatient treatment after that.

I am confident that God has directed us to the very best choice for Holly. People fly from all over the country to do neuro and spinal rehab at Shepherd. Everyone there gave me confidence. They also seemed quite caring. It looks like we will be spending the next two to six months in the Buckhead section of Atlanta. There's a Barnes and Noble right near the hospital so we know where we will be spending some of our time, anyway...If you have any other compelling suggestions for what one does in Buckhead, let me know.

I think that it was God who woke me in the middle of the night Wednesday in time to catch Holly from climbing out of bed. And it was in that wakeful time that I started to focus in on an email from Gail Waldrop, Jessica Pentecost's grandmother, who said "The family MUST VISIT the hospital and meet them the team in order to get as true a picture as possible." You can imagine that I have been getting dozens of emails with advice, etc, but this one broke through. So I cleared the calendar and went, and I am very glad. I am entrusting my precious daughter to this community of healers, and I needed to be sure that it was the very best one available.

Pray for safe and uneventful transport on Tuesday; for Holly to understand that the jarring move is for her good, and that she is safe; pray for Jeanie to be calm and gain rapid confidence in the Shepherd team; and pray for a great start to rehab down there this week. You could also perhaps begin praying for Holly's new 15 year old roommate from South Carolina, who is arriving about the same time. I will get her name to you later.

I will check back in as I can.Thanks for your prayers and all these amazing entries and reflections.

February 11, 2006 at 08:48 PM CST
Holly spoke today!

I wasn't there this afternoon, but I heard from her friend Tiffany that Holly broke through her silence and began half-whispering some words today in the hospital room. Jeanie talked to her on the phone and Holly said a recognizable "hey." Apparently she said several other things today. Perhaps Tiffany can post some more details as to what Holly has said this afternoon and evening.

Yesterday Holly made several breakthroughs: ate real food for the first time (fish and green beans and rice), and pointed to the right people when asked to identify specific friends in a photograph. She also made great progress with the speech therapist Diane Hightower. Now today she has relearned how to shake her head for yes or no, and has spoken/whispered for the first time.

The doctors are trying to wean Holly off of the NG tube now that she is eating real food, and so it seems quite possible that when she flies out on Tuesday she will have no tubes in her at all. She will be so much more like "our girl," and so much sooner than expected: dressed in regular clothes, eating regular food, and possibly even talking to those who are with her.

We have to ask that people not bombard Holly with visits in this last 48 hours that she is in town, but we do continue to thank you for your abundant, and abundantly powerful, prayers. I have this strong sense from reading all these posts, as well as cards and emails and messages from churches and others from around the country, that Holly and her whole family are floating on a sea of prayers, bathed in grace, lifted up with strength and stamina and healing far beyond what might be possible in human strength.

Think of it: the accident happened two weeks ago tonight. When the professionals in Atlanta reviewed Holly's records they were very, very encouraged about her progress, and that was before the events of the last 48 hours.

We still have a long way to go. But it seems that our journey is being turbo-powered by abundant love, both human and divine. "Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God...because God is love." 1 John 4:7-8.

February 11, 2006 at 10:08 PM CST
How do you document a miracle?

Can I tell you about a girl who two weeks ago was in a terrible car crash, was unconscious for three days, didn't speak for 11 days after that, and tonight has been sitting up in bed, surrounded by friends, talking, laughing, remembering phone numbers and old stories, doing arithmetic, eating a full meal, and talking with her mom and dad on the phone? She understands what is going on, that we have been beside her bed the whole time, that she is going to Atlanta for rehab.

Nelda Webb, our volunteer tonight, has gotten to witness a miracle. She reports that her husband, who also visited tonight, said that Holly is showing visible improvement "every 5 minutes."

I am simply overjoyed beyond words.

Thank you, my friends. Thank you for your prayers. Thanks be to God the Almighty and Merciful King.

February 13, 2006 at 01:09 PM CST
Today we begin the move to Atlanta's Shepherd Center. Holly will be checked in by mid-day tomorrow. This is a major transition for us, all of us, as a family. We would welcome your prayers especially for David and Marie as they have to miss their mother for long stretches of time. Pray that Holly will be calm and comfortable for her long journey, which will actually be by ambulance rather than plane.

I had some very precious moments with Holly last night. It was unspeakably meaningful to hang out with her, talk with her again, ask how she was feeling, watch TV with her, whatever she wanted to do.

I am not aware of any book, any doctor, or any website that suggested that Holly could make this much progress this fast. I cannot deny the conviction that God has intervened to work a miracle here. I believe that the ferocious and committed prayers of thousands have "availed much."

I asked last night for some pain Holly was reporting in her left shoulder area be checked out. It turns out that she has a cracked collarbone. This was not noticed by doctors even though the X-ray apparently showed it all along. I guess this is the only complaint I have so far about her medical care. But it is healing okay anyway.

It is important that everyone understand that while Holly's return to speaking, eating, etc has been amazing, there is still much healing to be done. It is clear to me that Holly currently has some short-term memory loss, for example. This was predicted by the materials that I have read. It is these kinds of issues that are dealt with by neuro rehab.

Still, besides the sheer exhaustion of the two most difficult weeks of my life, my overall mood after Holly's breakthrough yesterday can be captured by these verses: "I will turn their mourning into joy; I will comfort them, and give them gladness for sorrow." Jer. 31:13. And this from Psalms 126: "May those who sow in tears, reap with shouts of joy."

February 13, 2006 at 11:36 PM CST
In Atlanta.

Just before leaving town today I needed to run by the hospital to get a few things for the trip. Holly was wide awake and in good spirits. Everybody left us for a few moments so we could talk. Holly was so talkative and full of energy (and so much fun) that I could barely drag myself out of the room. We had a great time together. She is certainly going to be the live wire of Shepherd Center, that's for sure.

I reviewed my first entries here, which began Feb. 2. If you compare where Holly was then with where she is now, it is simply and overwhelmingly amazing. As I walked onto the 6th floor today I saw nurses and the social worker, Janice Forsyth, just beaming with excitement. Janice said she wept at the incredible progress Holly has made, that she has never seen anything like it at the hospital.

I think I must feel the way the parents felt whose children Jesus healed or raised. It is as if Holly was brought back from the dead. I have rarely if ever glimpsed this level of joy in my life. When I first got the phone call that Holly was in the ER after a serious accident I had every reason to fear the worst; then I got the news from whoever I talked to there that her brain "was not right" (all this while still in the car, in the rain, driving to the hospital). She initially tested out on the Glasgow Coma Scale as a 7, which indicates possible severe brain damage. For three days she was unconscious, and of course I had no idea how long that period might last. For days after that she could not speak; blinking was a breakthrough. Now today she's talking, laughing, and hanging out with her friends. Just ponder that for a minute....

I would be an ungrateful wretch if I did not conclude that God intervened and did a miracle here.

Of course, this raises other questions, and yearnings. One has to wonder why everyone's child is not spared. One has to yearn for a world in which no parent ever has to bury a child. I am sensitive to the fact that our celebration is matched by the pain of those parents who have not received their children back from the grip of death.

In this tear-stained world, one must simultaneously celebrate the moments of deliverance and grace while grieving those who are not delivered, and grieving with their families, and groaning for the complete and total redemption of our world, for the time when every tear is wiped away, and there shall be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.

After his reinstatement Peter asked Jesus what was going to happen to the disciple whom Jesus loved. Jesus essentially said that this was none of Peter's business. "What is that to you? You must follow me." I draw from this that none of us really can understand God's dealings with others, and it is not really our place to try to do so. I can't hide or deny my own amazed joy at what has happened with Holly because I am wondering why not everyone gets delivered from death like Holly has been. But I can "follow Jesus" by remembering how much it hurt to see Holly suffer so much, and remembering how sad and grieved and scared we were, and then turning that painful set of memories into much deeper compassion for those who worry over and mourn for their children. I have discovered that such frightened and grieved parents are everywhere, if you know where, and how, to look.

February 14, 2006 at 09:47 PM CST
After a long, long ambulance ride from Jackson, today we checked Holly into Shepherd Center. She was immediately surrounded by nurses, doctors, therapists, techs, etc--whom she immediately bathed with her many, many words. Holly is flowing with words, all kinds of words, articulate words, words that make sense, and the first words that come to her mind, for everyone she meets. They are not always appropriate, but they are often completely hilarious. One example: she told her primary doctor here that he "had a generic doctor kind of look." Sadly, Holly will have to learn a bit of self-censorship as part of the rehab process!

The initial examinations have left the Shepherd people very encouraged. She definitely has challenges ahead but no human being could have predicted this much progress this fast. They seem to think that she will not need to spend the full 25-30 days here in acute rehab, perhaps considerably less. Whenever she is released from here she will move on to day rehab, where she will live in an apartment and go to rehab on a normal school schedule. The goal is to send her back to her community, of course. We don't know when that will happen, but the news is good so far.

One of my prayers for this stage was that Jeanie (Mom) would immediately feel the sense of confidence in the Shepherd people that I felt when I met them. That has happened, and Jeanie is finally being able to relax a bit and begin to re-gather herself after the intense challenge of the last two weeks. Pray for Jeanie's restoration and health after this crisis, and that she will continue to depend on God.

For Holly, the next few days will be full of assessments and the beginning of rehab efforts. I think she will be very popular with her therapists, who are almost uniformly young women in their 20s and 30s. They shared plenty of laughs together today when she met them. They will work her hard, and I think she is quite ready for them.

Please pray for Holly's roommate, J (Name not revealed for confidentiality.). She would benefit greatly from your prayers.

We have moved into a very comfortable apartment, provided by
Shepherd. It is ours for 30 days, if we need it.

I would like to thank the good and caring folks at Jackson General for their marvelous care of our daughter. When things settle down I will write a proper thank you note to Jim Moss, but for now, I will just offer this very heartfelt word of thanks. You took great care of my daughter. Thank you.

Please do not try to contact Holly by phone or drop-in visit at Shepherd. She needs focused attention on rehab and on rest. At the proper time we will perhaps be able to loosen access just a bit.

The existence of this international virtual community of support for Holly has been a wonderful surprise and just one aspect of God's amazing grace in this situation. May God bless you richly for every grace you have shown my family.

February 15, 2006 at 06:00 PM CST
I am sitting on the floor in Holly's room at the Shepherd Center while she dictates the following words for all of you to hear:

"Hey guys, I'm down here in Atlanta. Supposedly there is good shopping here, and I am looking forward to that. I asked my parents what there is to do in Atlanta and they said shopping. I want to get a new North Face fleece because maybe it got destroyed in the accident and we haven't seen it.

This is for Carter: I saw a Borders and Barnes and Noble on the way into Atlanta and want to go there. My parents already went to Barnes and Noble and liked it.

The hospital seems really nice. There are lots of young people here working with me. They look like Union students. People see you and say hi to you in the hall. The patients seem nice here too. I met one who was nice, whose name is Tommy; we ate breakfast together, and after that I promptly threw up!

I have actually been talking alot to everybody, more than usual. My Dad got a fortune cookie last night that said, "Frequent conversations will bring you much joy," and they said that talking with me brings them much joy. I talked with people even when they are trying to take my vital signs. They had to tell me to be quiet.

Everyone, thank you so much for worrying about me and praying and visiting and coming by and giving gifts. Even if I don't know you, thank you anyway. It really means alot.

When I first woke up, I thought it was a dream or that I was in a hotel. I thought that I could just control things by thinking about them in my brain, like I thought "I want Jessica, Carter, and Josh to come see me" and then they walked in, and so I thought I was making it happen. But then I tried it again and it didn't work, and I realized what was going on. So now I know that this is real, this is not a dream, and I won't just wake up in the morning and be home.

Some of my first memories since the accident were watching alot of movies, but not really being able to tell what I was remembering from the movie versus what I was just now watching. My very first real memory since waking up was Stephanie and Miss Margaret Morrison coming by and bringing me a blanket.

The therapists worked me hard today. I was scared of therapy because I was afraid of failing the "tests," which I thought of as like the ACT or something. But it was kind of fun in its own way, and I think I did pretty well. There was actually a therapy dog here today, a Rottweiler, but I didn't work with him.

Thanks for praying for me. I will see you all when I get back. I can't wait to get back and see everybody. I miss my friends.

Love, Holly

February 15, 2006 at 08:46 PM CST
Sad Eyes

Today, in the midst of our joy over Holly's great ongoing progress, I couldn't help but notice the sorrow of others here.

There is a kind of sorrow in a mother's heart that is most visible in her ineffably sad eyes. These very sad eyes seem to reflect a combination of weariness, sorrow, effort, stress, and in some cases the fading of realistic hope.

Here in our space Holly laughs with us as we watch American Idol together. There on their side one hears only a daughter's moans and a mother's effort to draw her daughter back to the land of consciousness and speech.

No explanation can make sense of the difference. All we can do, on our side, is fall to our knees in gratitude, and simultaneously in prayer. "Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep."

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for God's justice."

"And behold, I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the old order of things had passed away."

"Even so, come Lord Jesus."

Let your heart break for the sad-eyed mothers of our world. Be a channel of God's mercy to them.

February 16, 2006 at 09:07 PM CST
I am back home now after the first of many flights to/from Atlanta.

We met with Holly's case manager today, who was full of good news. Using the word "incredible" about Holly's progress twice, she said that Holly is moving along rapidly and is already scheduled for release from acute inpatient rehab. She will move out next Saturday, the 25th, and will begin the next stage, Shepherd Pathways day program, starting Monday the 27th. In this program, she will live in an apartment in Atlanta with her mother (and with me, when I'm down there), and go to rehab during the day. We do not know how long she will be in that program, but once she is finished with it she will be able to come back home to us. We should all expect that at least 4-6 weeks in the Pathways program is realistic. What exactly will happen with return to school after that has yet to be determined.

For the first time last night, Holly had the opportunity to actually get on these care pages and see what has happened in the last two weeks. She was so grateful for the vast community of prayer support that has developed over these weeks. She seems to have a real appreciation for the miracle that God has done in her life, and for the many people (some she doesn't even know) whose prayers have been lifted up on her behalf.

Holly now has access to a laptop and it is my understanding that she will be using her myspace account to communicate directly with people as she has time and energy.

Holly is healing from her medical injuries and will be cleared to begin walking again on Monday. Her collarbone is the source of her greatest discomfort right now.

A closing thought for those of you who have been following Holly's situation since the beginning: 19 days since she experienced a traumatic brain injury in a car accident, Holly is talking, laughing, myspacing, reading, eating, and performing most "activities of daily living" just fine. I think it would be fair to say that she is at least 90%+ back to where she was before the accident. The rehab process will be about closing on 100%, which is what we have all been praying for.

Many expected it would take about a year to get to the point she now has reached.

All I can say, once again, is thanks be to God.

February 17, 2006 at 11:34 PM CST
A major snow/ice storm is expected here tonight and so we may be hunkered down here awhile. It is good to be back with David and Marie, but I so yearn for the day when we can all be united again under one roof. It makes me think of the many families separated by war, illness, and other circumstances, and of the many biblical promises involving the gathering in of separated ones from their dispersion and exile--all of it pointing to the final communion of eternal life with God.

As you can see, Holly has begun responding to particular emails. That's very exciting. You can see her mind working well as she processes and responds to people's comments. She is also aware that there are aspects of her thinking that she will need to continue to work on, and she is doing that. Meanwhile, her overall health continues to improve as her temperature goes down, her nausea has abated (medicine change), and she moves toward being able to walk again next week.

I so admire Holly's spirit and her determination. She has never complained about her circumstances, never gotten down, never been unpleasant either with us or with the people working with her. As she faces reality she does so with faith and courage and good humor. Keep praying for her to stay on track in this way.

One of the most clearly supernatural things about this experience has been the way that some relationships that had been weak, strained, or otherwise not optimal have been healed or strengthened through this crisis. In my work as a Christian ethicist and writer, I often have taken positions that have aggravated or irritated this or that person. It's hard, and I don't like conflict, but it comes with the territory. With almost no exceptions, people during this time have dropped old issues or grievances or disagreements and simply come around us in Christian love. There has been something so very sweet about this moratorium on conflict that I have caught a glimpse of what Christian community is really supposed to be like. It has been sweet to be able to be vulnerable and be surrounded by others who have appreciated the tenderness of the moment and offered like tenderness to us.

This moratorium on conflict was punctured today by a written attack from a fellow Christian related to something I recently published. I guess it was inevitable that the "sweet, sweet spirit" of Christian love, and the moratorium on conflict, and the solicitude for the bruised emotions of our family, would not last forever. This isn't quite Heaven yet, is it? But I will remember the three weeks of peace and love as precious days indeed, and I will hope to remember to offer such grace to others who are in the midst of particularly intense trials.

February 18, 2006 at 08:27 PM CST
The news from Atlanta today is all good. Holly had a limited rehab schedule today because it is Saturday. Jeanie figured out how to get a movie for Holly and they found a private space to watch it together. Part of the day involved playing "Taboo" with other patients. She seems to have enjoyed that. Jeanie was able to take Holly out of the unit and all over the Shepherd Center in her wheelchair. They looked at the many artworks on the wall and met some other people. Holly hit it off with a spinal patient injured in a skiing accident on the same day that Holly was hurt. This 19-year-old is from Maine, one of many from around the nation who converge on Shepherd for brain and spinal injuries. She is paralyzed from the waist down. Shepherd is seen as the premier spinal injury center in the country, an expertise which actually preceded their excellent work on brain injuries.

I have noticed while going to various offices at Shepherd that many employees are in wheelchairs. I imagine that some are veterans of the Shepherd program. One of the many aspects of this experience for me has been much, much deeper sympathy and appreciation for the challenges faced, and the courage shown, by those not deemed quite "normal" in the broader society. Did you know that brain injury patients and spinal patients spend months preparing for the challenges posed by a not particularly friendly or sympathetic or accommodating outside world? They go on outings to malls and airports and ballgames and restaurants to (re)learn how to function in a world whose accessibility they can no longer take for granted.

The only difference between the guy in the wheelchair in Office 101, or the young lady in the rehab unit on the 2nd floor, is something that happened in a single moment of time: in a car, on the slopes, in a snowmobile, at work, or wherever. One moment--and everything changed. It could just as easily have happened to us. That immunity that we sometimes feel (it can't happen to me, such things only happen to other people) is a complete illusion.

I repent bitterly of the times that I have been dubious about the various learning challenges and disabilities that come my way in the persons of my students. I commit to being the kind of professor who will go the extra mile to make my classroom and learning experience accessible to ALL my students. I urge every reader to ask yourself about the space that is under your control, or the institution or office that you serve, and whether it is a welcoming, hospitable, safe place for those who face unusual challenges like brain or spinal injuries. See in the most vulnerable who come your way the face of Christ, who beckons to you through them. "As you did it to the least of these my brethren, you did it to me." (Mt. 25)

February 20, 2006 at 08:20 PM CST
Holly was finally cleared to walk today after three weeks recovering from her pelvis injury. She walked quite a long distance, dispensing with the intermediate "walking with a walker" stage and just moving into regular walking with an aide nearby. She said that the main thing that hurts when she walks is her left foot, oddly enough. Tomorrow Jeanie will be "certified" to walk with Holly without other medical personnel there, so this is yet one more blessed step toward being ready to leave inpatient care and return, at least in a modified way, to the outside world.

Saturday morning we will check Holly out of inpatient care at Shepherd and move her into the little apartment that they have provided for us there. She will begin the Shepherd Pathways day rehab program on Monday, staying however long they think is necessary before we drive her back home to Tennessee.

A blissful moment: right now Holly is chatting away with her sister Marie, talking about all the things that big sisters and little sisters talk about. I better break this up before the bill gets too outrageous--but I can hardly explain how thrilling is this very "ordinary" matter of a phone call between sisters.

I have to tell you about yet another extraordinary experience.

Sunday morning Jeanie attended the nearby Cathedral of Christ the King on Peachtree Street for an early service before heading up the road to spend the day with Holly, who had no scheduled activities on Sunday.

In the Catholic and Anglican worship service there is a moment where everyone turns to the person next to them and says "Peace be with you." It is a sweet moment as the anonymity of strangers assembled near each other is broken. This is an ancient tradition that really should be considered by every church.

Jeanie turned to the person next to her, a middle-aged man wearing a wedding ring and seated with his wife. Jeanie had never been in this church and never seen either this man or this couple before. No one was wearing name tags and there had been no introductions.

Jeanie extended her hand and said "Peace be with you."

The man shook her hand and said, "Peace be with you, Jeanie."

There is no earthly explanation for this, nor for the deep sense of comfort, rather than fear, that Jeanie felt in this startling moment.

No one could be worthy of the astonishing grace that is being shown to my family right now by the Lord of all creation.

February 21, 2006 at 07:33 PM CST
Today I participated in a conference call with the medical team caring for Holly.

The news is very good overall. Holly is making visible progress each day. She is on track to leave Shepherd Center on Saturday morning and begin day rehab on Monday. The average stay in the Shepherd Pathways day rehab program is 6 weeks; the doctor expressed hope that Holly will be done in less time than that. Then she would return home and reenter life here, continuing with regular outpatient rehab. He thinks that it is very realistic to hope that Holly will be able to graduate with her class in May.

It does need to be understood that the brain heals over a long period of time--six months to two years. Holly has made rapid progress but there is still going to be a healing process for some time, even after she returns home. I hope that everyone will understand that as Holly returns to her life here.

Please pray for my wife Jeanie. She has developed bronchitis and had to find the convenient care center in Atlanta today to get some medicine. I guess her illness is a symbol of the stress we have all been enduring.

Thanks for your continued prayers and support.

February 22, 2006 at 10:27 PM CST
So this is life as a single dad: up at 6, get the kids fed and off to school, go to work all day, ducking out briefly mid-morning to stock up on groceries. Pick up 9th grader from baseball practice upon receipt of cell phone call at uncertain time; this time it was 5 pm; provide dinner. Get gas in the car for next trip to Memphis to catch weekend plane. Pick up 7th grader from church at 7:45 and provide math tutoring, love, comfort, proper pain medicine and embarrassing stories from high school days. Help 9th grader turn 19th century history facts into a coherent pattern that can be studied and perhaps cared about. Be prepared to offer informed opinions about the top American Idol choices for the week. Walk dog in the rain, twice. Feed the fish and the cats. Keep the dishes processed. Plan weekend care for children while in Atlanta, leaving no gaps. Return phone calls. Talk with Atlanta-based wife and child in neuro rehab. Make list of things to bring on next trip to Atlanta. Buy batteries for failed calculator in time for next math test. Etc.

I have already mentioned here that this experience has awakened me (thanks to Eric Cohu of JCS for noticing the centrality of this image of "awakening" to this whole experience) to what life is like for people whose reality had never fully dawned on me. Those who grieve the children they have lost. Those who live with disabilities. And now, tonight, those millions of parents who juggle work and parenting and a million errands, every day, on their own.

We had a speaker on campus once at Union, a wonderful Greek Orthodox convert named Frederica Mathewes-Green. In her chapel address she quoted a Greek Orthodox Father who said something like this: "Be kind, because everyone you meet is in the midst of a great struggle." That makes a whole lot more sense to me than it ever did before...


Health News: The main news from rehab today is that Holly walked all over Shepherd Center today, including up and down steps, all without a walker. Jeanie's bronchitis is easing a bit under the impact of her new medicine.

Note: Several have asked how to contact our Atlanta contingent after Holly moves to day rehab. If you want to send anything to us there, the address is:

Shepherd Pathways
ABI Day Program Case Manager
Attn: Holly Gushee
1942 Clairmont Rd.
Decatur, GA 30033

Thanks for caring, and for praying.

February 23, 2006 at 11:51 AM CST
On Hearing Pachelbel's Canon

This morning I heard Pachelbel's Canon and was immediately overcome by an unexpected rush of emotion. It took me a few moments to figure out why.

It's about weddings. As a Baptist minister I officiate at a lot of weddings, many of them featuring the bride walking down the aisle to Pachelbel's Canon. I can see in my mind's eye the many times I have stood at the front of the church, with the groom in front of me looking back down the aisle at his bride as she approaches. Even the most nonchalant groom--the one full of laughter as he jokes with his groomsmen just before the service--sobers up quickly as he experiences the beauty of his beloved processing down the aisle toward him.

Hearing the music associated with this moment reminded me of what might be called the "anticipatory grief" that I experienced when I saw Holly in the ER, then sat by her bedside for those agonizing days in intensive care, and waited with her during those still agonizing days of her silence after she moved to room 616.

I don't recall ever explicitly thinking, "I guess this means I will never walk Holly down the aisle." But hearing Pachelbel triggered my awareness that this fear was present as part of this experience. I remember Jeanie saying early into this event that the way to get through it was not to look back, and not to look ahead, but to focus on the challenges of the day at hand. I knew she was right. So wondering about whether I would see Holly's high school graduation, or college graduation, or wedding day, was never really allowed. It was too painful to contemplate.

And at the time I was just overwhelmingly glad that I could see her at all, that she lived, that she could breathe, that her life had been spared.

Today, 3 1/2 weeks later, we have reason for optimism that we will see a high school and college graduation for Holly, and a wedding day with a rendering of Pachelbel's Canon to greet our lovely daughter as she floats toward her waiting groom.

Of course I now know that there are no guarantees in this life, not just for Holly but for any of us. The guarantees that we can bank on are eternal ones, while our hopes for this life must always remain provisional.

That being said, on this day I celebrate with deep gratitude the provisional but realistic hope that one day I will walk my precious daughter Holly down the aisle.

February 24, 2006 at 09:39 PM CST
Atlanta

D-Day tomorrow: Discharge Day, after almost a month in hospitals. I think it is fair to say that all of us are ready for this transition, even though it will bring its own new challenges. Holly will be very pleased to no longer have to hear the sirens of a bed alarm every time she shifts her position.

It is awesome to watch Holly walking around, talking on her cell phone for the first time since the accident, checking email, posting on her blog, and so on.

Despite these amazing and grace-filled advances, testing shows that Holly will indeed face subtle but real challenges in months to come, and there is indeed good reason for her to remain here in Atlanta for as much Shepherd Pathways day rehab as the doctors recommend. Pray for Holly to have continued courage and good spirit in dealing with issues that are new to her and that many never have to face. She is so aware of how blessed she is compared to most with brain injuries that she is focusing on those blessings rather than the challenges, which is, again, quite inspiring. But undoubtedly she will face difficult days that demand her very best, as empowered by God's Spirit.

Pray for Jeanie as she now has to learn how to navigate a new part of the Atlanta area and continues to deal with a nastier, more aggressive, less patient kind of driver than has been her experience for the last decade in Jackson. She misses being home and of course we miss her (and Holly) at home very much.

We continue to thank all of you, this extended international, ecumenical, community of love and support, for how your love has been demonstrated toward us in so many ways over this past month.

February 25, 2006 at 03:11 PM CST
Lenox Mall, Atlanta

Four weeks after her car accident, Holly walked out of Shepherd Center under her own power this morning.

Those of you who know Holly will not be surprised to learn that we are already spending our first afternoon at the local shopping mall. I am actually sitting near the "corner bakery" while Jeanie and Holly do some shopping together. I provide the money, they provide the shopping. Good plan indeed.

It has been a day of many firsts. Holly got to wash her hair and brush it out in the way she likes it for the first time since January 28. She got to put on makeup for the first time. She got to go out for lunch for the first time. And now she is shopping for the first time (not counting an official brief outing with Shepherd patients yesterday). Later this evening we will undoubtedly hit the bookstore for the first time. Sunday she will go to church for the first time.

As I sat at TGIFriday's today looking at my pretty Holly across the table, listening to her chatter and laugh, I could hardly contain my sense of awe and gratitude to God for her incredible, miraculous progress in just four weeks.

Again, for those keeping score at home: on the night of January 28, she was scored as a "Glasgow Coma Scale" 7, marking moderate to severe brain damage. Three days later she opened her eyes for the first time. On Saturday night February 11 she spoke for the first time. Today on Saturday, February 25 she is shopping at the mall.

O God, may I never, ever lose my sense of gratitude for what you have done in bringing my Holly back from an accident that could have killed her....

Now there are the new daily challenges. For example, Holly has always struggled with carsickness. The painfully slow ride around Peachtree Road today (and to/from Shepherd Pathways, to figure out how to get there) was an agonizing experience of carsickness for her. If she is unable to drive any distance without feeling sick, this could present some real challenges. If anyone knows of any anti-nausea medicine that does not also make you sleepy/drugged, I would appreciate the recommendation.

Holly and her parents are also now beginning a process of negotiation about how to manage this next stage of Holly's life. As I told her today, our bottom line principle in this early stage has got to be to protect her from harm to her healing brain (and the rest of her body). We will try to offer her as much freedom as possible within the parameters established by this non-negotiable principle. (In any case, Shepherd tells us that Holly requires 24 hour a day adult supervision still at this time.)

We are especially and appropriately afraid of anything that could lead to any kind of trauma to her head. Everything we have seen and read so far shows us that while one brain injury is enough to be catastrophic, people who have two brain injuries face exponentially more difficult challenges. While we were still in the hospital in Jackson, three people who had each experienced two brain injuries were brought to meet us. I don't know the express purpose of each visit but I do know that each certainly impressed upon us the deep conviction that if there is any way we can spare Holly a second brain injury we must do it.

This may mean that we will not feel comfortable allowing Holly to be driven anywhere in Jackson by anyone other than adult drivers. It may mean that Holly's socializing will primarily need to occur in our home. It will involve us being careful to keep Holly's life as stress-free as possible; all the materials tell us that this is important in recovering from brain injury. So far we have seen no sign of seizures, which are fairly common among brain injury survivors, but especially those who have had two injuries. I hope that everyone, including Holly, will understand our need to say No on many occasions in order to protect Holly's precious, recovering brain. But we need to know when to say yes, too...Pray for us!

February 26, 2006 at 02:59 PM CST
Atlanta Airport

At Justin Phillips' recommendation, I discovered the U2 song "Beautiful Day." I first listened to it on the day after I learned that Holly had begun to talk again. I shouted my joy in the car that day: "Yes, it IS a Beautiful Day." And that is how I feel today as I wait in the airport for the return trip to Memphis. On the same CD is "Elevation," with the line, "You make me feel like I can fly," and that is where my heart is this afternoon as I contemplate how well Holly is doing (thanks be to God) and how great it was to spend the weekend with Jeanie and Holly in someplace other than a hospital!

I told Holly over a Chinese lunch that maybe someday, maybe in 5 or 10 or 20 years, I will be able to get over how exciting it is just to be able to look at her across a restaurant table...but Jeanie and I agreed that on the other hand, maybe not, maybe not at all, maybe that "near miss" sense of gratitude and awe will never, ever go away....What if we lived every day, with every person we loved (with every person just because they are made in God's image?) with that exhilarating sense of awe and gratitude? I know that I feel a heightened sense of how precious David and Marie are--every time I see them, they somehow look different to me, their features sharper, their presence more resonant, their importance to me even deeper than I remembered it from the last time I saw them. I think that this is something of what the sacredness of human life means, and I want more of it, more with everyone, not just a few people--even though it is so rich as to be almost exhausting to see people this way, perhaps something like how God sees each of us without getting exhausted at all....

A Tribute to Jeanie

This afternoon I want to offer a tribute to my extraordinary wife, Jeanie. For four weeks she lived through the hospital experience with Holly. She suffered deeply for her daughter, the way that only a mother can suffer. She stood vigil by Holly's bedside. When Holly needed to be cared for like an injured child, Jeanie offered that care. When night-time vigils without much sleep were required, Jeanie offered those vigils. It was Jeanie who rode for 6 hours without an adequate breakfast in a bumpy ambulance with Holly from Jackson to Atlanta. When I saw her that afternoon she was a bit green but had endured it with the same stoic strength that has characterized her demeanor this whole time.

Pray for her ability to sleep at night, currently a problem. Pray for her stomach to relax. Pray for her new role as caretaker of a child who in some ways must be treated like a curious but fragile toddler (don't fall, don't touch, don't hurt yourself!) and in other ways is just exactly the same 18 year old that she was on the afternoon of January 28. Pray for Jeanie's ability to imagine a different future than what we foresaw in January but one that will still be manageable and happy.

Winter 2006 will always mean rain and suffering and sorrow and fear and, yes, grace and wonder and awe. This season will pass, and spring will come. It feels like it here in Atlanta today. Spring. New life. Awakenings. Resurrection.

February 28, 2006 at 09:41 AM CST
Yesterday Holly began the Shepherd Pathways program with a battery of evaluations by a team that included a speech therapist, physical therapist, occupational therapist, and psychologist. She will be evaluated in several different ways over the next few days. All of this evaluating makes me think of that scene from "Armageddon" where the oil drillers are being tested by NASA to see if they are ready to go out into space to save the world. So far Holly has handled all the testing and evaluation better than those guys did!

The basic results are as follows. Speech: Holly's speech and vocal patterns are "perfect." At home she is working on her singing again. She says that she doesn't sound right to herself, but to us she does sound like she has retained her voice quality.

Physical: Holly has no limp as she walks and no visible weakness where she was injured in her pelvis bone. There has been a slight shifting of the pelvic bone to the left, as I understand it, meaning that her left leg is now just a bit longer than her right. This would have been a result of how the pelvis healed while she was in the hospital.

Occupational: This therapist said that Holly's overall progress is "pretty miraculous." The issues that remain are subtle. She has some slight issues with "fine muscle control" with her hands, as evidenced by such things as handwriting, opening jars, and handling straws and glasses. She has some soreness when she reaches across her body with her left arm, where her clavicle was cracked. Her strength is somewhat lower in her left arm than her right arm.

Psych/cognitive: Holly, as is predicted with ABI patients at this stage (for the specialists, she is probably at a "Rancho 8" right now) has some issues with temper and irritability. She is also having to come to terms with the reduction of her mobility (no driving) and fears about her long-term independence and future. As of last week there was evidence of some subtle but potentially significant higher-order cognitive processing issues. But these will be tested further and addressed in neuro therapy at Shepherd Pathways.

Now that she is cleaned up, out of the hospital, and walking around, I think it is fair to say that the average person encountering Holly for the first time would have no idea that she ever had a brain injury. Let's say we are at 95% recovery at this point. The final 5% will take longer. But that is what we have been praying for, isn't it?

With such recovery, alas, comes homework. I will be taking Holly's JCS schoolwork to her this weekend and she will begin to do it in the apartment and sometimes in rehab itself. She will keep only the 4 classes required for graduation and it appears now that unless we are very surprised Holly will be able to graduate in May with her class.

We don't know yet when Holly and Jeanie will be coming home for good but we think that April 15 is a good outside deadline. She is already talking about trying out for "The Music Man."

It is really a shame that she was not able to continue with her role in "Grease." She is sad about this, and so wishes this had not happened, not just for her but for the cast that she loves.

I guess that Holly's rapid recovery means that probably I will not keep this carepages site beyond her release from Pathways. I want to thank all of you for being such a great community of support for Holly and our entire family.

March 02, 2006 at 07:51 PM CST
Shepherd Pathways wants to release Holly and send her back to Jackson on Friday, March 17th!

Jeanie and I are mainly overjoyed about this, with some mixture of concern that they are moving just a bit too quickly. We feel that we do not have enough information yet to know what exactly this release means in terms of Holly's cognitive functioning, readiness to return to school, readiness for college, etc. We know that it means she is doing extremely well, but still....

We really want them to go ahead and do the extensive neuropsych evaluation that they said they would do when Holly was admitted. I will strongly request that tomorrow.

But if she is ready to come home, really ready to come home on March 17th, that will be yet another amazing development in a series of such amazing, grace-filled developments that have left us breathless every step of the way.

Please pray for our trip to Atlanta tomorrow and a joyful family reunion as we gather for the first time in several weeks as a family.

March 04, 2006 at 07:32 PM CST
Borders Bookstore, Buckhead

It has been a happy family reunion as we all have gathered in Atlanta for the first time this weekend. I find myself exhausted at the end of the first 24 hours together. I don't know exactly why, other than the accumulated exhaustion.

The medical news is that it is still very likely that Holly will be released March 17. I carried a box of homework to her, so between now and then she will work on some of that.

When she does come back home, depending on Shepherd's recommendations in part, we and JCS will decide what kind of school schedule and workload Holly will return to. One possibility would be a modified school day with a break in the middle. Holly tires easily, which is part of the fallout of a brain injury. It is also uncertain how much more difficult regular assignments will be for Holly, how much longer they might take, how wearying the social demands of school will be, etc.

My friend Dr. Randy Phillips told me very early on that this whole brain injury process would consist in one decision after another for us, in ways we could not anticipate until we got there. That is definitely proving true. Pray for our strength as we work one day at a time, one decision at a time.

It will be good for us all to be home together as a family. This has been a nice foretaste. Soon we can settle back into our home and routine, at least in some kind of modified form.

May God bless each of you for caring about Holly and our whole family.

Blessings on the cast and crew of Grease this week and weekend!

March 06, 2006 at 10:30 PM CST
We gathered prayer requests at the Union faculty meeting today and as we did I was reminded that in any community of people of any size there is always pain. There are always people who are going through illness, suffering, and bereavement. This is the human condition until the end when Christ returns and every tear is wiped away.

How can we be anything but tender towards our fellow creatures, frail children of dust all, backs often bowing under a load of illness, sorrow, fear, or grief?

Tonight Holly seemed a bit depressed. She is not just weary of therapy and being away from home; she is also now adding up her losses: the play, a normal senior year, her preferred college plans, her car, her mobility, etc. She said, "I am now thinking that this is going to be affecting me even 15 years from now." I told her that I very much hoped that this would not be the case, and that we were going to do all we could to help her life to be as normal and happy as possible. Pray for Holly to be at peace as she wrestles with such fears and griefs.

I have a question for those of you who are still reading along: if you were Holly's parents, what would you do about the question of whether we allow Holly to ride with high school friends in their cars once she returns home?

Holly knows she can't drive and shouldn't drive. That is off the table for a long while. But she is having a real hard time with our current plan to keep her out of the cars of 16-18 year old drivers. Is this just parental paranoia, the fear of lightning striking twice in the same spot? Or is it a reasonable precaution given the dim prognoses of those with two or more brain injuries?

Obviously this can and must be our call as parents; but you have been functioning as such a profoundly helpful community all along, I solicit your feedback on this important question now....what is the tradeoff between our reasonable fears and Holly's need for mobility and a measure of independence?

My warmest thanks go to the various communities that have donated to Loaves and Fishes Ministry. Soon Seth Chandler or Bobby Hearn will be offering an update about the direction that this venture is taking. For now, it is doing what it was intended to do--helping our family with some travel related expenses back and forth to Atlanta and serving as a hedge against the massive medical expenses that are likely coming down the pike as the bills come due. The idea of this ministry has been to begin with Holly, but raise sufficient funds now and in the future to help many other young people and families who face similar crises. Thanks to those who have been finding creative ways to fund this initiative....

Good night, and God bless all of you.

March 07, 2006 at 11:11 PM CST
Just a brief entry tonight as it is late.

Holly had a good day in rehab and with her schoolwork. Jeanie tells me that Holly is taking a strong, systematic approach to making up her work and has already done the Bible and Economics homework/makeup work that was assigned. The Bible homework is significant in part because she was able to rather quickly memorize the better part of Matthew 7. This shows that her short term memory is rapidly improving, which was a major area of concern.

We have decided, with Holly's reluctant concurrence, that even though it was not her very first choice that Holly should attend Union in the fall. We will accept their offer of admission this week. Pray with us that Holly will come to love Union, find a rich experience of Christian community, and end up being very glad that she is there--even if her father DOES teach there. If you are part of the Union community, I hope and pray that you can be welcoming to Holly (that part is easy for good folks like you) without making her feel like she is getting alot of unwanted special attention (that part may be harder).

It looks more and more likely that Holly will be released on the 17th and I will be able to drive them both home on the 18th. That will be such a joyous day.

Thank you for all the feedback related to the question of Holly's "riding in cars with teens." You have offered very thoughtful reflections. Thank you for caring.

For those of you who want to donate to Loaves and Fishes ministry, as of this week it is being housed under the broad umbrella of West Tennessee Healthcare Foundation. You could give to WTH Foundation, 708 West Forest, Jackson, TN 38301. Write on the subject line, Loaves and Fishes Ministry. The only reason I feel comfortable mentioning this is because I am confident that most or all of the money given from this point forward will be able to be used for other families with teenagers facing health crises. God has been generous through so many of you already! If I knew all your names, I would thank you personally. Instead, I will thank God for you and for our amazing experience of the living Christ in and through you.

Good night.

March 12, 2006 at 04:58 PM CST
I had to keep silence for several days as I knew that Holly and Jeanie were coming in for a surprise appearance at the JCS performance of "Grease" but I wasn't allowed to tell anybody. Apparently the secret had been pretty well kept, and most of the cast was completely surprised when Holly showed up backstage yesterday afternoon.

It was a great and joyful experience for all who were there. Any sadness that Holly may have had in not being able to be in the show (if she was at all sad, she didn't say so) was far outweighed by her joy at seeing her friends perform, and their joy at seeing her. The play was wonderful fun, and it really was a thrill for our whole family to be able to witness it. We were also so pleased at the way that Holly was so warmly honored, and welcomed. Thank you, JCS community.

I thought while I was there: there is so much sadness in the world, and there has been so much reason for grief and sadness at JCS this year, it is really, really a blessed thing to just be a part of sheer joy and gratitude to God. Celebration is one of the best human experiences in all the world. We all celebrated yesterday.

This morning all five Gushees went to Northbrook and sat in our customary second row right. Holly sat next to me. She was tired (after everything, and especially after having visited the cast party late last night), and she laid her head on my shoulder as we listened to the sermon. She said something like: "I feel like I'm about 3 years old, but I'm going to put my head on your shoulder because I'm tired." And I thought: "You can lay your head on my shoulder any time, my little girl, anytime." And I felt--well, how about just calling it happy beyond description.

March 16, 2006 at 02:41 PM CST
Dear friends,

I believe that this will be my last entry on Carepages as I will close the site down this weekend after Holly and Jeanie return.

The news related to Holly is limited to a conversation that we had with her medical team on Tuesday. In essence, they told us that she continues to improve in all of her cognitive functions like memory, attention, and processing speed. When she returns home we will all enjoy the bliss of a quiet spring break, and then Holly will return to school, integrated with speech therapy (for ongoing cognitive issues) and physical therapy (to continue to work on the muscles associated with her injuries). The baton will be handed to local therapists for this work and Holly will continue just as long as she needs to, though how long that will be is undetermined right now.

How many hours a day Holly will be in school is not clear. We will experiment and see what works. An ideal plan might be for her to go her two morning classes, come home or go to rehab during mid-day, and then return in the afternoon for two other classes.

We have also received Shepherd's recommendation that Holly go ahead and plan to go to college in the fall (she's going to Union) and also plan to live in the dorm. But they recommend that she not start out taking a full load. We had already been thinking along these lines. I am very pleased that Holly is getting increasingly excited about going to Union, taking Jim Veneman's photojournalism minor, and proceeding with life as a college student near us but not under our roof.

When I look back on this whole experience, and the entries that I was making in early February, I remember the kinds of hopes that at the time were all we had (she will wake up; she will swallow water; she will eat food; she will talk again; she will walk again; she will get something of her personality back; in a year she will maybe be something like her old self). And now, less than two months after the accident, Holly will climb in a car and ride back to Jackson with us, looking for all the world like any other 18 year old girl, because that is what she is.

And yet she isn't. I think that for those who have been praying for her, and who saw her in the hospital, and who have walked through this journey with us, Holly will always be the one graced with God's miraculous intervention on her behalf. What she does with the life that has been given back to her is up to her; but at least she knows, and all of us know, that this is what she is: someone whose life was miraculously given back to her by our gracious God.

As such, she will always be a person whose life points beyond itself to something far greater--a sign of divine grace, of healing and mercy in a broken and often merciless world.

The legacy of Holly's accident is yet to be determined in full. One aspect of it is clearly Loaves and Fishes Ministry, which is not just a means by which families in crisis will be helped, but in its very ecumenical cooperation is itself a sign and embodiment of the unity that Christ prayed that his followers would demonstrate. I think that if you look at the L and F board you can see an unprecedented Christian unity for the Jackson community. Only God knows what good fruits this will bring in years to come.

Ultimately, Holly's recovery, the great outpouring of Christian love, the birth of Loaves and Fishes, the moments of awe-inspiring grace, the tender Christian unity--all are most important because they bring glory to God. They show the world and the church that God is real, that prayer matters, that God cares, that life triumphs over death, and that hope gets the last word.

If anyone wants to, perhaps now you can offer a welcome home message or thought for Holly and Jeanie. This weekend I will close down the site and we will keep all these precious messages as a keepsake. I'm sorry that I did not have time to respond personally to each one. God bless you all, dear friends.