Thursday, May 08, 2008

Questioning Forgiveness

What does God require of us to be forgiven?

Do we really need to repent?

Are we forgiven even before we sin? or after we sin?

Is forgiveness different for those who are not children of God? Are there those that God does not forgive?

I get stuck on these questions a lot. I wonder about forgiveness and the difference or similarities of "giving it to God".

If a person wrongs you and then comes to you to ask forgiveness, without a doubt you are commanded to forgive.

If a person wrongs you and never asks forgiveness and continues to wrong you, what is the point in forgiveness? Some say "forgiveness isn't for the offender in that case, it's for you, your peace of mind." But then I ask, if forgiveness is for the one who was offended, why would God ever forgive? Does God need to forgive for His peace of mind?

Are we really required to forgive those who wrong us, who never ever repent, and then continually wrong us? Or, are we asked to give that person/situation over to God. Let God deal with that person and remove ourselves from harms way?

Is forgiveness a "two-way" deal? Can there be true forgiveness if one party doesn't want it? Would God forgive me if I didn't ask?

I do wonder sometimes if we require more of ourselves than God himself requires when if comes to forgiveness. If God forgives when we repent, shouldn't we require the same?

Maybe forgiveness is the actual act of handing over an unrepentant offender to the Lord. If we can do this, we are acting biblically. We are maintaining our relationship with the Father and not allowing unforgiviness to become a sin "of the mind" that would hinder our relationship with God.

This is one of those things that keeps me up at night...pondering.

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Matthew 6:14-15)

At first glance it seems that verse is teaching that God only forgives us when and if we forgive others who may have wronged us. As I examine this closer I see that it is possibly teaching that not forgiving = sin, and that sin of unforgiveness's is what is separating us from God's forgiveness.

God's forgiveness: It bloggles the mind!

Repost from 2/17/04

Labels: christianity

Posted by Susan L. Prince at 10:37 AM

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Thursday, May 01, 2008

For Tradition's Sake!

Growing up I have been exposed to many traditions. Some are family traditions while others are cultural and/or religious. Recently I have found myself on a quest for truth regarding Christmas and Easter. Now, I'm not going into all the details of the discoveries I have made regarding pagan practices vs. God glorifying practices, but I do have a problem with the fact that Christians who know the Truth continue to celebrate traditions filled with flaws.

For instance, how many kings were present at the stable when Jesus was a "babe in a manger"?

Answer: None!

There were no kings and no wisemen present when Jesus was born. Wisemen came to see King Jesus when he was a toddler and he wasn't in a manger! There is only one King who really stands out to me and he didn't come to present Jesus with gifts!

This is just one simple example of many many stories that have been passed down through the ages amongst Christians...folklore presented as truth for the sake of tradition. For years...even now, I find myself guilty of falling into patterns of living for tradition's sake. Where does that leave God?

I have to question....

Is it harmless? What if Jesus came to visit a local church at Christmas time to see the portrayal of His birth? Would he sit silently or would he correct our misinterpretations?

Where does this leave me? What will I do differently?

I don't have an answer at this time. I only know that I will continue on my quest...while searching my heart and seeking God for answers.

When asking religious leaders why Christians continue to practice things that are not true and teach them as if they are, they don't seem to think there is anything wrong with it. They think it's okay as long as the point is made.

Is it okay to create confusion for a new believer right from the start?

Lies, lies and more lies:

A friend made an excellent point. He said that we indirectly teach our children to worship Santa, the Easter Bunny, even the Tooth Fairy...eventually they learn that it's all a lie. Then we tell them about Jesus and expect them to believe?

My words are not written in judgement or accusation. Perhaps they are written from personal conviciton. Or perhaps they are simply the ponderings of my heart as I hunger for Truth.

Today's Flavor Shot:

Deuteronomy 13: 29-32
Don't worship the Lord your God the way pagan nations worship their Gods.

Labels: christianity, holidays, traditions

Posted by Katie at 7:06 PM

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Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The Expense of Church

Katie originally posted this in March of 2003. The points are still valid and I thought I'd repost it again as food for thought.

----

I remember when I was young. Christians attended church to hear the word of God taught. There were family outings at the park and tithes paid for materials for Sunday school. That was sufficient. Now, in a world of "No matter how much you have, you always want more, bigger, better", I am somewhat convicted. Has this philosophy of life penetrated into the church? The service isn't enough anymore. Even with all the talent and drama and music of today that is so awesome, we still want more. Now we go to seminars and conferences that are becoming more and more popular. Christian concerts are no longer taking up love offerings. They are charging more money for tickets than many secular music shows. I know.....they have to make a living. It's expensive to put on the big shows and seminars. I must say, I have attended and will continue to attend these things as long as God makes a way for me to do it. I do grow in many ways and I definitely benefit from it. I think the biggest reason I attend these events is not actually the event itself. It's the fellowship. It's spending the night in a hotel and traveling with my sisters in Christ. I love, getting to know them on a more personal level. I love it. I'm not here to bash anybody or criticize. I'm just trying to sort some things on my heart.

For example:

This month Sue and I are attending a conference. In order to attend, the cost (excluding hotel and all but two lunches) is $99.00 per person. This is for 3 sessions over two days. At church today, in the bulletin, we were informed that we had to pay the deposit of $40.00 for the youth trip and the remainder of the $246.00 can be paid later. Then, I was approached by the interpretive movement instructor that I would need to purchase ballet slippers, tights and leotards in order for my daughter to be a part of the Easter presentation. This should come to at least $50.00.

Today, there was an awesome sermon. I was so blessed by it and the praise and worship. I felt renewed, refreshed and stronger against the financial blows I have been receiving this year. Then, I read the bulletin, was approached about the things my daughter would need, and thought about how much money Sue and I have been asked to spend the past two weeks. Not including hotel costs for next weekend, the total comes to approximately $500.00. I must say, it put a damper on my spirit before I even walked out the door. I wanted to cry. Not because of the expense, but because I am wondering.......Is this really necessary? Jesus asks us to be like Him. He had nothing but the clothes on his back and the shoes on his feet. People followed him everywhere and he didn't charge one dime. He offered himself freely to all who came. He gave His love, His time, His attention, His loving discipline, His knowledge, His wisdom, His strength, His body, His blood, His life. He gave. GAVE! He gave it all freely and for freedom's sake.

So, do we need all this entertainment? If so, I have to wonder why? Sure it's fun. I can see this from both sides. I think it's wonderful that we have the awesome music that we have now. I love it! I love going to the concerts and I love the fulfillment that comes from conferences. It was at a Beth Moore conference where I received the calling to minister to women and to attend school for this. I am in college now because of that conference. I can see that lives are changed. I praise God that I am so blessed that somebody paid for me to go. She knew God wanted me there. He will always make a way for His will to be done. It can be really fun in the process.

When I approached a precious friend today in regards to the youth trip, I asked, "Do you really think it's necessary that the kids go on a trip that is so expensive? Shouldn't there be some conviction?" She lovingly told me that she can understand my concern but that all the churches are doing it now and it is a very fulfilling experience in many ways. She said it is in-depth Bible study, and it also helps build relationships amongst the youth. She also made the point that it can be very expensive to put up the kids and feed them for a week. I can see her point. Okay, so lets all chip in, rent a couple cabins nearby in a campground, bring our own food and relax in the midst of God's creation. That would reduce the cost wouldn't it? But, would the kids be satisfied with that? If not, then why not? Is it because all the other churches are doing bigger and better things? Oh, okay so then it's right isn't it? Or is it?

Has the church become like the world in the aspect of not being content to gather in God's house and worship God without all the added expense of ballet costumes and fancy choir robes? Can we not learn and grow in our relationships to God and one another without spending thousands of dollars every year on conferences and materials? I am not knocking what is being done. I'm just trying to see things from All perspectives including and especially Gods. Are we a part of the body because we truly seek to please Him and fulfill His purpose in our lives? Or are we just part of the body because it's fun? I love that my kids anticipate going to church. But, if the trips stopped and we went back to studying the word of God with nothing but the Holy Spirit, our church leaders, praise, worship and the Bible would everybody quit meeting? Do these trips cause us to focus or keep us from focusing on the right things?

Okay, I'm about to digress. Each week I meet in the homes of my family SaLT members. We meet together for study, reflection, and fellowship. The homes we meet in are BEAUTIFUL! I sit there and think about how I would love to have a beautiful home like this one or that one. I even get envious sometimes and have to call on God to put things back into perspective. I would love to have a beautiful home, a wonderful husband and a family gathering around the fireplace to sing Christmas carols near the grand piano at Christmas every year. Most anybody would. But, at the same time, there is this other side of me (Maybe I'm schizophrenic) that feels compelled to give up material possessions in order to be better focused and able to do the will of God. This side of me wants to forget "things" and focus on the calling God has given me. I wonder if having a house would just be a distraction from my call. It would be something that would give me roots and plant me in one place. I would have to have a steady job to pay the bills and It would take away the freedom that I would have (after my kids are grown) to pick up and go wherever God leads.

I am by no means saying that it is wrong for people to have a nice home and material possessions. God lays different convictions on different hearts and I believe it all depends on what His calling is for their life. I'm not saying that it is wrong for the youth to go on this trip. I just can't help but wonder the kind of message that is sent to the poor and needy of the world when they don't know where their next meal is coming from and they learn of the money that is being spent by the church for elaborate youth camps and trips. Aren't we called to minister to the poor and needy? This doesn't just mean baskets at Christmas time! Wouldn't this money be better spent on a missionary trip? I don't know. I am not complaining at all. I just want to know if we are dong the right thing. Just because it's what everybody else is doing doesn't make it right. I have struggled with this for years. I just pray that God will give me an answer. I pray that He will once and for all grant me peace with my convictions. Should I continue to stand against these activities or should I accept them as part of His plan that I can't see?

Well, I've babbled on long enough. I wish I could say that I feel better now. I guess it's time to pray again.

Father,
I want to be like the lilies of the field.
Amen.

Labels: christianity, church

Posted by Susan L. Prince at 9:50 AM

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Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Witness a Christian

Are you the same person at church as you are at work? at home? at the grocery store?

I try to be. If I wouldn't feel comfortable doing or saying something at church, I won't do it or say it at work, home, or the store. Do I sometimes? Unfortunately, and regretfully I do. Sometimes I do not draw on the strength of the Spirit to have a heart like Christ. I am often convicted about the state of my heart, not having right attitudes, choosing inappropriate words, and behaving in ways opposite that how a person representing Christ should behave. (Kind of like Paul, eh?)

When I do not have on the full armor of God, I am susceptible to the enemy. The enemy is not stupid, and he knows exactly the areas in which I am weak. That is exactly where he attacks. In my situation it is usually my time. I want my time to be MY time...know what I mean? Sometimes I feel so selfish just wanting some time to MYself, but I need it and desire it. I am also a very impatient person but God is working in that area of my life. I can tell because I keep ending up in circumstances that require a great deal of patience! Katie keeps telling me "If you would hurry up and get some patience, you might not find yourself in these situations so much!" LOL Thing is, I know that when I do grow in that area, the situations will still be there, but it will be my reaction to them that will have matured.

The Christian walk is a journey. God is taking all the crooked lines in our lives and making them straight. Some of the crooked lines are easily bendable, while others require a bit more, well...a little more "coaxing".

It is important to remember through all of our growing what our main job is: Mark 16:15 "He said to them, 'Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation.'" Jesus commanded his followers to be witnesses. He also reminded them that they were going out like "sheep among wolves."

Jesus didn't just send them out. He "armed" them. He had taught them what, and how to teach and he also gave them a bit of advice. He said "I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves." (Matt 16:10)

I think for the majority of people, the "shrewed as snakes" comes a bit easier than the "innocent as doves" part. Jesus was telling his followers to be intelligent and watchful...He also told them that they would be watched, that their behavior is closely monitored by the world.

Christians are watched. I know I am at work, especially when circumstances arise where decisions on personnel are being made. I know my staff is wondering "how will she handle this?" Katie watches me, as my accountability partner, and calls me on my bad attitudes and if I may be straying from God's path. I never get far before she tenderly guides me back to the light. I know I am watched. The Spirit within me is the first line of defense for those moments that may jeopardize my witness.

What does "be as innocent as doves" mean? The dove is a symbol of peace, and also one of purity as evidenced by its use in early religious sacrifices. The dove symbolizes a childlike purity, an innocence, which is yet vulnerable to the evils of the world.

Evils are all around us, temptations are everywhere, but Jesus says "be innocent as doves". Easier said than done, but what are some ways we can make that happen in our own lives? I have a couple suggestions:

1. Watch what you say Ecclesiastes 10:12 "Words from a wise man's mouth are gracious, but a fool is consumed by his own lips." James 3:6 "The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell." Words can hurt. Words also reveal the heart. One that spews curses or insults is not a problem of the mouth, it is a problem of the heart. Matthew 12:34 "You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks." Instead of words that hate, words that hurt, let us use words like Paul prayed for in Ephesians 6:19-20 "Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should." A Christian should use his mouth to spread the good news.

2. Watch what you do I Peter I:13-14 "Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance." 1 John 3:17-19 "If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence." Rest in his presence. Rest? I do not rest when I know I have spoken in error. I do not rest when I know I have not done God's Will. I desire to feel that rest that God is so willing and merciful to give me. That rest comes when we are "as innocent as doves".

A Christian witness is a follower of Christ, the Son of God. We are righteous only through Christ and by nothing we have done or could do. God calls us to share His Good News with the world, and has given us guidelines and an example, Jesus, to follow. It is His Grace and Mercy that cover us when we fail, but we should "press on toward the goal" always!

Your words today...think about them. Why were they spoken? Did they demonstrate your love for Christ? or His Love for you? What's your heart condition?

Your actions today...think about them. Why did you do that? Did it demonstrate God's Love and Mercy?

The world is watching, will it witness a Christian?

Labels: christianity

Posted by Susan L. Prince at 11:04 AM

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Thursday, April 24, 2008

God and His Promises

I say no, God does not break his promises. Then why am I confused when I read Numbers 14?

30 "Not one of you will enter the land I swore with uplifted hand to make your home, except Caleb son of Jephunneh and Joshua son of Nun." (NIV)

30 "Doubtless ye shall not come into the land, concerning which I sware to make you dwell therein, save Caleb the son of Jephunneh, and Joshua the son of Nun." (KJV)

29 "You will all die here in this wilderness! Because you complained against me, none of you who are twenty years old or older and were counted in the census 30will enter the land I swore to give you. The only exceptions will be Caleb son of Jephunneh and Joshua son of Nun." (NLT)

30 "Surely you shall not come into the land in which I swore to settle you, except Caleb the son of Jephunneh and Joshua the son of Nun." (NASB)

In any translation it sure looks to me like God says "I swore good things for you, but now I'm telling you that those good things aren't coming...except of course for those lucky dogs Caleb and Joshua" (lucky = obedient/faithful in the Susan L. Prince translation)

This has been bothering me...what exactly did God swear on oath to the Israelites? and did He actually break His promise? So I researched:

Genesis 17
8 The whole land of Canaan, where you are now an alien, I will give as an everlasting possession to you and your descendants after you; and I will be their God." 9 Then God said to Abraham, "As for you, you must keep my covenant, you and your descendants after you for the generations to come. 10 This is my covenant with you and your descendants after you, the covenant you are to keep: Every male among you shall be circumcised." and then we go through all the circumcision stuff blah blah blah...

Ok, so that was the covenant. There's more to it, but for now I will simply say that God promised to multiply Abraham's family and that his name would be known and be given a great nation.

Was the convenant unconditional? Hmmmmm, I think that when God makes a promise, that it really is unconditional. God will keep his promise whether or not the other party keeps theirs. In the end, God will keep His covenant, but it doesn't mean the other party will enjoy it. I think that could be what happened here in Numbers 14. The Israelites complained so much about being in the desert and not really appreciating the fact that God freed them from slavery. They wished that their misery in the desert would just end and they could die. I figure God gave them what they wanted! Still, Abraham's line made it into the land of Canaan, but that ungrateful generation didn't get to enjoy it. What a shame.

When God said "Not one of you will enter the land I swore with uplifted hand to make your home," I think that he wasn't necessarily saying "your" as in all of you here and now, but possibly he means those people. His people, as a whole, not as individuals. He also did give them responsibility when in the covenant He said "As for you, you must keep my covenant, you and your descendants after you for the generations to come"

Did God break His promise? No. Eventually those who were faithful and obedient made it there.

God has promised things for me too. I want to experience those things.

so I can experience the fullness of your glory and the life you wish to give me! Lord, please help me to have faith and trust in you. Let me yield to your Spirit and be obedient Woooooohooooooooooooo!!! I CAN'T WAIT TO LIVE IN THE LAND OF CANAAN! I WANT MY MILK AND HONEY!

So be thankful for where God has you now, whether it be in the desert, or in captivity, or in His freedom. Each stage of life He takes you through is growing you. He is molding you. You are there for a reason. Learn from the Israelites and don't complain. Realize your blessings, He loves you.

I know, easier said than done...I'M TRYING TO DO IT! I KNOW!

Labels: christianity

Posted by Susan L. Prince at 8:15 AM

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Monday, April 21, 2008

God's Will

Is God's Will being accomplished? Has it always been accomplished? Will it be accomplished if I don't follow God's will? Will it be accomplished if I do my best to always stay in His Will?

I think God's Will is always accomplished. I think He is always working everything together for His good purpose. Those who don't necessarily follow God's will may create detours, but in the end, God's Will is accomplished, it's just that those that don't follow it will not get to enjoy the blessings He showers upon the obedient.

If God is always working and His Will is always done, wouldn't it be better if I just joined in? Why waste time trying to figure out His Will? I mean, He knows what it is...it must be perfect! What He is doing is always best. If I take time to try to figure out what His Will is for me, I am probably missing out on valuable time I could be spending with Him doing His Will!

Jesus said in John 5:19 "I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does. "

Jesus, I know "grew in wisdom". I don't know if He always knew (from childhood) that He was going to the cross...that is probably one of those things people could debate about. I don't believe He always knew exactly what was in store for his life at every moment...he was human, and we don't know that kind of stuff. One thing He did learn, though, was to walk close with God. He was wise, wise enough to know that God was always working, and that God is perfect. When He saw God at work, He joined right in. He was sensitive to God and what God was doing. I don't remember Jesus praying for God to "reveal Your purpose for my life", instead He acknowledged God's Will for His life. Perfect obedience. Never questioning.

Maybe I just need to pay more attention to God and less attention to me. Wax on, wax off. Just do it.

(Re post from June 18, 2003)

Labels: christianity

Posted by Susan L. Prince at 10:01 PM

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Friday, April 18, 2008

God is Love, Grace, Mercy and Forgiveness

The God I serve is Love.

He is Grace.

He is Mercy and Forgiveness.

What does that mean to me?

His love for me can not be more than it is at this moment. His love can not be less. While human love is conditional, His Divine Love is unconditional. There is nothing I can do to make Him love me more, there is nothing you can do to make Him love me less. People have a tendency to love some people more than others, however, God's love is always the same, for everyone. People also find it easier to love someone who is nice to them, or treats them in a favorable way. God's love can envelope even those who despise Him. Jesus embraced His cross, He took my Sin upon Himself, and died for my sake. He became sin for me, and that sin was nailed to the cross. My sin died there and Jesus set me free from it. There is no greater love than that. (John 15:13)

God's Grace is amazing. When I recognized my sinful state for what it was, God's Grace is so amazing that there really is no shame. He even removes shame. When there is repentance, He can forgive and let me have a "do-over". I am reminded of the woman at the well (John 4:1-30), after Jesus finished speaking with this woman who had multiple husbands and was currently living with yet another man, the woman went to town to tell the people who she had just spoken with. She did not hide in shame, instead, she was bragging on Jesus and how he told her "everything she ever did". I find it wonderful that Jesus was able to speak in such love and compassion, that this woman instead of running off in embarrassment and shame, was able to walk away and speak to others about the Christ and His ways.

God uses the Holy Spirit to convict me of my sin and gently restores me. His still small voice can whisper to my heart, point out to me my sin, convict, and remind me of His love and amazing grace. His mercy and His forgiveness are gifts that He offers me to accept and I am so thankful to Him for that. His mercy exists because He has felt what I feel...He suffered as I suffer. Even as He suffered on the cross, He forgave. He forgives me for I know not what I do.

The God I serve offers His love, grace, mercy and forgiveness. When I accept that He smiles.

I do not believe the God I serve smiles when I refuse His love and forgiveness. When I choose sin over an obedient life in Him, He does not smile. He hurts. His heart breaks for the unrepentant. I can't stand to think that I break my Lord's heart! Ever!

God will NEVER smile on sin.

The God I serve offers love, grace, mercy and forgiveness.

Thank you Father. May you give me faith and help me to remain obedient, that I may always feel your smile on me.

(Repost from April 2006)

Labels: christianity

Posted by Susan L. Prince at 11:08 AM

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Sunday, April 13, 2008

Is There Something To This?

A week or so ago Katie heard a message at a church she visited. She promptly advised me to listen to the podcast because she said it was for me.

Today another friend of mine said that during a message at her church tonight that I was brought to mind. She said it is a good message for me so she brought home a copy of that message on CD so that I might listen to it.

Both messages dealt with unforgiveness and bitterness that can result.

Is there something to this?

Is God using my friends to tell me something?

I don't feel like I have unforgiveness and bitterness...but is it all just hidden and/or unconfessed sin? Are my friends seeing this in me when I can't? Could this be what is hindering my relationship with God?

Why am I up at 1:00 AM?

Labels: christianity

Posted by Susan L. Prince at 12:14 AM

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Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Experiencing God

As a single person, I unfortunately, find it a lot easier to go out for breakfast than prepare my own at home. Ok, I should restate that and say as a lazy single person.

There are some disadvantages to this...spending the money and also it's most likely not the healthiest food choice, however, there are great advantages.

Some minor advantages are things like; I'm not doing any of the work of preparation or clean-up, and there is a bottomless cup of coffee. I looooove that part...too much...but, I digress.

The greatest advantage of my time spent at various eateries, are the relationships that develop over time with the servers. I genuinely try to get to know the servers that wait on me by name and chat with them when I can. I've spent years trying to share things of God with some people and today I experienced God breaking through, albeit in a small way...for now.

Today at a familar eatery, my server inquired about me and at one point asked if I have ever been married. Weird question, usually I'm asked "are you married", not "have you ever been", but anyway I told her no.

She went on to confess "I think I married the wrong person".

What was I supposed to say to that?

I must have looked somewhat stunned and there was an awkward moment there for sure. She continued on about how her blended family doesn't live like a family because everyone is doing their own thing and no one cares for each other at all. She's afraid to leave because she fears she won't be able to make it on her own. There's a bit more to the story, but I don't feel at liberty to discuss it here.

I wasn't exactly sure what to say, but I figured it was God opening some doors of communication, so I tried to share some encouragement and told her that I will pray for her and her situation. That's all I knew to do, and I have prayed for her, and will continue to lift her up.

God is so merciful and faithful, that even though I am having difficulty trusting Him, He still chooses to use me in His plan. This looks like a wonderful opportunity for me to start sharing about God. Me, experiencing God.

Labels: christianity

Posted by Susan L. Prince at 10:36 AM

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Friday, April 04, 2008

We Can't See It

I was talking with a friend yesterday because that's what friends do. They talk.

I was sharing some things I don't really like about myself and at one point she pointed out that we often can't see the things that other people love about us. She said (paraphrased) "there are things I love about you and you can't see them."

Such a simple statement. I don't think she could know the profundity of it in that moment she spoke it.

I can't see what it is people love about me? I wonder why that is? Is it because I am so often alone with my own thoughts? And I know my own thoughts?

Why are we sometimes so blinded to the good things about us? Why is it that I am so apt to see how selfish I am? That I so easily focus on my shortcomings?

I mean, if someone calls himself our friend, there obviously must be something that they like about us. I don't normally call myself a friend of someone I don't really like, you know? So, I must have likable parts.

I shared in my SaLT group years ago that I had always felt that I was a good and decent person, but since becoming a Christian (April 4, 1999 - Yay! Today's my born again birthday! I'm 9!) I feel like I am a worse person now. I feel as though I was a better person before I knew the Lord. One wise woman of the Word shared with me that day that when we become Christians our eyes are opened to sin, and the impact of sin. "The closer we get to God, the more 'ick' we see in ourselves". She wasn't saying that to affirm that I was "icky", but rather to teach me that like Isaiah, "I am a man of unclean lips", but went on to explain that we shan't call anything impure that God has made clean. When God looks at me, He doesn't see my "ick", He sees me filtered through His Perfect Son.

I need to get over myself.

Labels: christianity, Personal Interest

Posted by Susan L. Prince at 10:27 AM

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Thursday, April 03, 2008

Christ. Community. Music.

I just received my last issue of CCM Magazine, and it is the LAST printed issue ever. It's going exclusively online.

A few months back, CCM Magazine changed their name/tagline from "Contemporary Christian Music Magazine" to "Christ. Community. Music. Magazine" Good change I thought because CCM doesn't mean the same today as it did two to three decades ago. Christian music has evolved and "CCM" did become quite outdated.

I'm sad. I've subscribed to the magazine for nine years and I will miss it.

While I am an online junkie, I do enjoy reading through a printed magazine; at night before bed, on lunch break at work, in the dentist's waiting room, etc. It's just nice to have a magazine lying around the house for a quick pick up read.

Supposedly the remaining issues on my subscription will rollover to ChristianDigitalStore.com for music downloads, which will suffice, but I'm still sad.

Labels: christianity, entertainment

Posted by Susan L. Prince at 7:38 AM

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Wednesday, April 02, 2008

I Messed Up Again

As I have been struggling through my spiritual wilderness, I was listening with intent interest to this today. (Click the link and allow it to load so you can listen while you read.)

What you will hear is just a snippet from a song, but it is a heart cry, my heart's cry at this time.

In this wilderness I sometimes feel I will never emerge from it. Now and then I will have a glimmer of hope that I am hearing from God, that I am sensing His presence, or that maybe I am not as far gone as I think that I am. Unfortunately those moments are fleeting and I am left feeling defeated again. I hold on to hope only because I do trust His Word which teaches me that He will never leave or forsake me. I cling to His promises even though it is sometimes very difficult to muddle through. I know that my Father loves me and can never not love me. He can never love me less than He already does, and He can not possibly love me more. He is love, and I am His.

In this wilderness it is so easy to just feel like I want to "chunk it". You know, just be done with trying to feel anything, it is so exhausting. Isn't that stupid? Or at least I want a "do-over".

I keep trying to do the right things. I am meeting with a woman from church every other week to do Bible study and be transparent. I'm not sure I'm being successful with transparency. I want to get to church, but my work schedule is really hindering that and I have been working more than I have been worshipping. It's really taking a toll on me and I figure it is one way satan is shooting arrows at me. I'm just having difficulty talking about where I am spiritually with anyone because I don't really know where I am. I guess I should just talk to the One who knows where I am. I should just talk to I Am.

I want to want to pray, rather than feel like I have to or that it is such a chore.

I want to be carefree in the Lord as I once was, rather than be strapped to legalistic thinking that I abhor.

I want to open my Bible and see His love, rather than decipher the metaphors and the parables.

I don't understand where I went wrong, but through some of this I can only blame myself for walking off the narrow.

"I messed up again." It's a theme in my life lately.

So, while driving today, I was listening to this music and realized that I am beating myself up. "I messed up again." "I messed up again." "I messed up again."

I keep trying to make myself worthy of God. Duh. Ummmmm...not possible Sue!

I guess I feel that if I can make myself worthy, I'll get out of this desert place I am in. That sure is taking on a lot of responsibility and if I am honest with myself, I know that I can't handle it. I'll just mess up again!

It's time to get down on my knees.

Snippet: Jennifer Knapp "Undo Me" - Jennifer Knapp Live

Labels: christianity, Personal Interest

Posted by Susan L. Prince at 10:37 AM

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Monday, February 18, 2008

Transitions

Change is good, right? I sit here with tears in my eyes as I contemplate the many changes taking place in my life. Moving out of the comfort zone for me has been bittersweet, scary, fun, wonderful, mysterious, confusing, etc...

I have been so happy the last 7 years as a framily with my kids and Sue. Now, Justin is leaving the nest and taking with him all of my "adopted" sons who more than likely won't be coming around anymore.

In His loving provision, God has placed new people in both mine and Sue's lives...possibly taking us in separate directions. This, as beautiful a blessing as it is, is also a struggle for me. I think it's possible that I'm having separation anxiety. It's all happening so fast.

I have met a wonderful person who I have begun sharing my life with. It was all so exciting in the beginning. It still is. But, as I am seeing my life moving into a new direction I'm also spending more time away from home. The relationship I am in right now is somewhat long distance and takes me away many weekends. So, my heart is torn. When I'm away I miss home. When I'm home I miss Steve.

I have loved my life here in my Humboldt home the last 7 years. God has made such wonderful transformations in this family and in me. Now, I wonder, where is He taking me? Where is He taking Sue? Is Justin going to be ok? What will life be like for Tiffany and I? Will we finally become friends? Will she be happy without her brother? What is happening with my new relationship? Will it last or will my heart be broken yet again?

I feel so melancholy about all of this overall but at this very moment I am rejoicing. Tiff has been so sick and unable to rest for the last several days. It's almost time for her pain medicine and she is resting comfortably when usually she is counting down the minutes to the next pill. I am so drained. I have classes tonight and I missed work today. These are the times when God strengthens me. I wonder how it is I keep going, but I do. I haven't had a good night's sleep since Thursday. The last few nights have been especially difficult as I have been worrying about Tiff.

All of this time of focusing on getting Tiff well has left me the opportunity to contemplate the changes taking place. I am excited, and rejoicing yet I feel anxious and sometimes have doubts. I am afraid to step out of this wonderful comfort zone in my home with my framily. I'm afraid of making wrong choices. I'm hopeful in my new relationship. I am excited for Sue and her new friendship that God has provided during this time of transition. At the same time, I am somewhat envious of Ellen sharing the time with my life long best friend that I was once able to. I miss the times Sue and I used to have before I started working , going to school, and now dating. I miss framily nights. I miss God days *tears* and I miss having breakfast with my best friend on Wednesday mornings at Cathey's.

Sue, my precious sister, you will never know how God has blessed my life and the lives of my kids through you. You mean so much more to me than I can ever find the words to express. These have been the best years of my life...really. Some of the most wonderful memories I will always cherish have been the times I have shared with you. God sent you to this family before we even understood what was about to happen. He carried us through such a difficult time of transition and in the process gave us such beautiful memories.

I'm not sure where things are going at this point but I do know changes are happening and there seems to be no stopping it. I can see God working all around us and I marvel in amazement that He takes such time for us. I think I am at a point where I might be having a crisis of belief but I know He will provide for all our needs.

I remember when I first met you, you were studying Experiencing God and experiencing your first COB. Now, in this time of transition, you are studying Experiencing God again. What is God up to???? Will we be ok? I miss you.

Labels: christianity, parenting, Personal Interest

Posted by Katie at 9:31 AM

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Friday, February 15, 2008

Comfort Zones

In the Rollercoaster Tycoon game I play you can pick up a person, the SIM, and just drop them into another scene. The rollercoaster repair man is comfortably working on one coaster when I pick him up and dangle him near a broken down coaster on the other side of the park and drop him. Suddenly he's on the other side of the amusement park and heading toward another coaster to repair it. I took him out of his comfort zone and now he has to get his bearings in a new environment and get to work on a new task.

God does the same with me. One day things are rolling along, then all of a sudden, I'm picked up and moved to Tennessee. Eight years later, things are rolling along fine, secure in my home and new job. It's good.

Then, things start changing. I'm not feeling so "comfortable" anymore. The kids are growing up. Justin will be moving out, and he's joined the Navy! Tif will be driving soon and gaining even more independence. Katie has a man friend and sure is spending a lot of time with him. Life seems to have hit a couple of bumps in the road for me. I'm starting to feel a bit of uncertainty about the future. He's moving me out of my comfort zone.

Tonight I'm trying to be a good "not the mom" while Tif is sick with fever. I just celebrated the fact that it fell below 100°. But, caring for the sick is NOT in my comfort zone!

Speaking of caring for the sick -- I have a new friend who needs some help since she suffered a physical injury. That's really brought me out of my comfort zone because it is as though God is handing me some responsibility here. He's asking me to step out and serve someone. It's very awkward, but I'm doing it and He's blessing me. Blessing me BIG!

I've also been convicted about being more transparent in my Christian walk. God has provided me some people in my life to help me with this. It is definitely NOT an easy thing to do, be transparent, so again, I am way out of my comfort zone with this.

I am learning that there are wonderful blessings lurking beyond comfort zones. If I were to stay in my comfort zone, those blessings would remain hidden, but now that I am venturing out, I can see with new eyes, from a new perspective, and God then reveals those blessings to me. In fact, He is the source of these blessings and by stepping out, He is requiring me to trust Him. In doing so, I am experiencing Him in new ways, and will hopefully grow ever closer to Him.

I think God sometimes becomes invisible to us in our comfort zones so He moves us out. He can't stand for us not to be able to see him. I think it's like when sunlight shines in the window and you can see the air all full of dust -- that air always looks like that, but we don't notice it until the light shines through. We don't notice God unless we look out from behind the "zone" and into the Light!

We've got to move out of our comfort zones!

Labels: christianity, Personal Interest

Posted by Susan L. Prince at 10:50 PM

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Friday, February 08, 2008

Are We Close to God's Judgement?

I'm stuck on a question in my Bible study: How close do you think your country is to God's judgment? Check one:

• I do not believe God will bring judgment on my country
• I believe God's judgment is a long time off
• I cannot understand why God has waited this long. I believe we are on the verge of a major judgment from God.
• I believe we are already experiencing a disciplinary judgment like that described in Isaiah 5:1-7.
• I believe we have already experienced part of God's judgment.

Now, once you choose and answer, you must state what evidence you can give to support it?

And what effect does your belief have on the way you live?

Looking for help here!

Labels: christianity

Posted by Susan L. Prince at 11:12 PM

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Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Gifted with Singleness

I was talking with a friend last night and I had an "ah-ha!" moment of clarity. I didn't really put it all together until this morning, but when the light came on it was actually refreshing.

I am a single 41 year old woman. To many people this is a weird thing. To the Church (universal) it is a weird thing and sometimes the Church just doesn't know what to do with singles. I'm not talking about singles in their 20s who have yet to be married, but singles 30+ who are not married, never married, and don't look to be anytime soon.

I'm here to say singles are not defective or weird. Singleness really can be a gift.

Katie, my sister in Christ, longs to be a wife. She pines for a soul mate to share her faith in God with and to share a relationship with a husband that represents the relationship of Christ to His church. As long as I have known her, this has been true. She seems to have been created to be a wife. When she hears "singleness is a gift", it is something she can't comprehend.

My other friend and sister in Christ also longs to have a deep intimate relationship with a mate. As we talked last night it became apparent to me that this longing that people have is persistent and can be very frustrating. When she hears "singleness is a gift", it is something she can't comprehend.

Just because someone is single, it doesn't mean they are gifted with it. People really need to stop throwing that phrase around to "comfort" the single person who longs to be in a relationship with a mate. It can be hurtful.

You see, I don't experience a desire to be with someone. I do not burn with passion. I do not have that longing to be anything but what I am, single, and at one point last night I even said "I must be broke".

But, this morning I remembered this:

"I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.

Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." (1 Corinthians 7:7-9)

Labels: christianity, Personal Interest

Posted by Susan L. Prince at 10:36 AM

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Monday, February 04, 2008

Staying Moldable, It's Too Hard

I am studying Henry Blackaby's "Experiencing God". Blackaby says that in our walk with God we will experience a Crisis of Belief which will require a Major Life Adjustment. When God reveals Himself to us as He pursues a loving relationship, it requires a response. He will ask us to respond and what we do next will reveal what we believe about God to be true. In other words, faith = action.

One of the women I am discipling with said "...if I am looking to God daily for His will, I am staying moldable in His hand, why would there need to be major adjustments?"

GOOD QUESTION!

I would say that the "being moldable" is the "major adjustment". If you are not moldable, you would resist any shaping whatsoever, therefore you would not make any adjustment at all.

An example: When I was moldable, God said "quit your job, leave your home, move to a foreign land". I literally was studying the Crisis of Belief (which came to be known as a "COB" in my Experiencing God class) when I was having a crisis of major proportions! A few months later I quit my job, left my home and moved to West TN. Now there's that MAJOR life adjustment! He then molded me and shaped me through those times for His work. His work was delivering one of His children from the bondage of abuse. He worked through me to do that. I experienced God in amazing ways because I allowed Him to TOTALLY MESS UP MY LIFE! *tongue in cheek* (truth in sarcasm).

However, somewhere along I had a few more COBs and started to resist them and any major life adjustments. It's too hard to stay moldable.

Labels: christianity

Posted by Susan L. Prince at 11:47 PM

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Sunday, February 03, 2008

Cha-cha--cha-changes

"Changes aren't permanent but change is."

That's one of my favorite quotes.

Life for me is slightly different today than it was a few months ago.

Katie is busy enjoying a new relationship with a man she met a couple of months ago. That is making me feel a bunch of things: uneasy, melancholy, scared, excited, happy, sad, but mostly good because I really believe she is meant to be a wife. It's just obvious that God created her for that role. So far she is having a good time learning about him and they are really hitting it off well. Looks like a possible match.

Justin is no longer a civilian. He is signed on for the Navy and will leave in September for basic. He's growing up and will soon be out on his own.

Tiffany is growing into a beautiful young woman and although my relationship with her has been strained in recent years, it seems that is changing. She is maturing and it is really nice to watch and be a part of. I hope someday she understands how important she is to me.

Katie and her kids are my framily and all these changes and possible changes have me slightly frightened that they may be moving on to new lives that won't necessarily include me as they do now. Not that I will be dumped or anything, but that things will just be different. I imagine a pretty lonely house and it's a bit disconcerting.

Nothing will be happening in the near near future, but the prospect of Katie getting married off and moving on is starting to be a real possibility and just has me thinking.

While all that is going on I have been developing some new friendships as well. I think God is providing.

I have been deepening a relationship with a wonderful woman of faith who is very special to me. I meet with her every couple of weeks at her home which is awesome. I look forward to that time together with her as we do some Bible study, just talk and get to know each other better, pray and laugh together. We will soon be meeting to discuss our latest study which is Experiencing God. I'm very excited to share with her what God is doing in my life and I can't wait to hear how He is working in hers. So God has provided a mentor and a new friend for me. I'm learning to be transparent with her and she is helping to guide me in the faith. She seems to be enjoying time with me as well, so all is cool with that!

I have also been spending time with another new friend in recent weeks. Actually the circumstances surrounding that are rather unlike me, but then again, maybe not since there is precedent for me meeting people via the Internet (see "Friends"). Yep, met this person through blogging and it seems we enjoy each others company so it looks like I have a new friend! Yay! I am an introvert and I am normally not comfortable meeting new people, but maybe that is something God is changing in me. Who knows? We have our faith in common and have spent some time discussing things and experiences just getting to know one another. I don't really know where God is leading all this, but I'm having fun and enjoying it.

So, that's just a few of the changes that I am experiencing and/or may be coming my way!

Labels: christianity, Personal Interest

Posted by Susan L. Prince at 9:48 PM

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Saturday, February 02, 2008

Ever Have a Moment?

Ever have a moment when you wonder how a loving God can allow such a terrible thing, yet in that same moment as thoughts overlap, He's all you are hanging onto?

Labels: christianity

Posted by Susan L. Prince at 11:00 PM

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Thursday, January 24, 2008

Spiritual Depression Guest Post

I'd like to thank Ellen Kimbro of Faith Matters at the Jackson Sun for finding my thoughts on Spiritual Depression guest post worthy. Starting last January 14th , she began posting parts of my "essay" on Spiritual Depression. This writing was actually taken from some things I had shared with her through email, and she asked me to edit it into a post. I was humbled to oblige and now that the series has run, I thought I'd post it here in it's entirety.

I posted previously a basic outline of some of my struggle with spiritual depression, and this is a bit more in depth as I share some of what God has and is teaching me through it.

So here it is:

Spiritual Depression is something all Christians endure. You have either gone through a season already, you are currently suffering through one as am I, or you will in the future wander into the dark and dry place. There are different reasons people end up in a spiritual desert and they may include physical ailments, broken relationships, difficult life circumstances, financial trouble, troubling church issues...etc. This post is simply some fairly random thoughts about the spiritual depression I am currently experiencing and is intended to offer hope to the reader. There is hope because spiritual depression is one tool through which God molds you. It is also something that has been experienced by Jesus Himself! I am praying that this post may also offer some practical suggestions on things one may do while in the desert that may help one find a way out.

From my own experience in this desert I can tell you that it wasn't easy for me to finally even admit I was in a dark, dry, and seemingly lonely place. I felt guilt just for having wandered into it, and feel guilt being stuck in it. Now that I have shared my circumstance with some select people, at times it still feels dark and very dry, in fact my soul is parched, but it is not as lonely. Many before me have wandered into this desert place, many will follow after, and I have learned that indeed, there are some in here with me. I am learning to thank God for this desert because it is an experience He is allowing for a reason. I'm just now beginning to understand some of the things He is teaching me.

I want to "go back" to what it used to "feel like". I do have a desire to be "carefree in the Lord" as a friend of mine calls it. I always say "I just wish it could be like it was when I first moved here." One of my spiritual mentors asked me something the last time we met, “You say you want to go back to what it felt like when you first knew Christ and first moved here...is that what you really want?"

Some background: I was newly saved when I moved here in January 2000. Totally ON FIRE for the Lord! I remember driving down the road thinking "this is awesome! The sun is shining on my face, the wind is at my back, and the road is rising to meet me. When you are walking with Him, He makes everything come together and it all works out! Life is good!” Literally! I can literally remember that day I thought that! The sky was a deep blue, the temperature outside was mild, quite a refreshing mild in January when I was used to frigid temperatures having come from the Midwest, and a slight breeze was blowing. You see, once I was saved the Lord led me from IA to TN (long story)...I quit my job with no new one lined up. I left my home, with only a temporary solution once I arrived in TN. Once I got here, I had a new job within 4 days, had a roof over my head, and all was good. I had in mind what God's plan was for me and it was so great! I thought that living as a Christian was going to be a piece of cake and now that I was in the "bible belt", totally surrounded by people of the same faith, it was going to be easy and glorious! I was very wrong about God's plan, or at least about how things were going to unfold. I was so naive.

I answered my friend and said "I understand that my new found faith was very emotional, but it was naive." I don't want my faith in the Lord to be grounded in emotion. It is like any love relationship, it's all "feel good" at the start, but time wears on and the novelty wears off. There needs to be depth for real love to take root. There needs to be fertile soil. The love I want to have for God is a total trust kind of love. A contentment in the fact that God's love for me is for who I am and who He created me to be. There is nothing anyone can say to change God's love for me, there is nothing anyone can do to make Him love me less, and there is NOTHING I can do to make Him love me more. He just loves me. He knows nothing else! He is love!

Christians are blessed with spiritual gifts. They are given by God to edify the body and glorify Him. Unfortunately, when spiritual gifts are not honed and practiced correctly, they can have an "opposite". I've learned that my spiritual gifts of discernment, wisdom and prophecy can actually hinder me in the areas of being critical and judgmental and I am learning to deal with that. (I have a LONG way to go too!)

Those with the gift of compassion have an "opposite" as well...which may be getting pulled into the area of seeing only negative (glass half empty), feeling guilty because you can't help more, always seeing a need...etc. Now, consider Jesus Christ. He embodies compassion. His life on this earth exemplified compassion. His pure heart was troubled by the sufferings of His people. He traveled and taught as much as He could while He was here with us, (Emmanuel), and at times I bet His heart was burdened so much for us that it broke. I wonder sometimes how this reflected in His countenance. I mean, how can a man walk around and see the suffering and injustice that He did and not look downtrodden? The Bible never really says "...and this cool dude Jesus had people following him all over the place because he was so much fun to be around. He was always smiling and just had this way with people. People loved him and wanted to be near him," but, because of the fact crowds followed him...I believe he must have had charisma. He had a magnetic personality and people were attracted to that. I imagine he liked to "play", the equivalent of throwing the ball around today, tossing the Frisbee, and maybe splashing in puddles, just to be with people. That kind of thing makes people like you and want to be around you. He was invited to parties a lot and people enjoyed opening their homes to Him. I think he often wore a smile, after all, He was spending His time with those He loved dearly...although rarely do artist renditions depict a smiling Christ. Now think about that, it is such a contradiction...a man walking around, carrying the burdens of the people He loved so much...carrying them to the extreme, with such a grace and "style" that people flocked to him. He even carried the burdens to the cross! The cross IS EXTREME! (He didn't smile at that point though.) Anyway, how could He do this? How could he present Himself as someone people liked to be around? How could he keep His heart focused? He prayed. A lot. He withdrew. A lot. He had on His spiritual armor.

A note about intercessory prayer: intercessors see all the "ick" of life. Praying people through needs constantly and seeing that needs are never ceasing can be overwhelming. This might even contribute to spiritual depression. I've been there, I am there, praying for someone's needs that never seem to be met, or when they are it seems like there is another tragedy waiting around every turn. But, we must remember that all of these needs do NOT surprise our Lord, nor are they our personal burdens to bear. They are His. We can pray and we can help comfort, but ultimately, we must learn to trust that He is in control and that He will provide. He knows we can't do it which is why He taught us to take His yoke...because He is going to take ours!

We should learn from Him! At times, we need to withdraw! We need to pray! We need to put on our spiritual armor daily! AND we need to trust HIM! Jesus was NEVER on the defensive in this world, never should we be. We ARE ON OFFENSE! We have the ball! The devil is out to destroy us and he is flailing. Just like we know the final outcome, so does he, so he pulls out all the stops! He comes at us relentlessly. We need to learn to be just as relentless in our pursuit of knowing God! Just as relentless in our pursuit of trusting God. As Christians, let us encourage one another to do that!

One way to do that is through transparency. God works through broken people. People who have broken spirits can be used by God. A wild horse bucks and expends a lot of energy with no direction, but once tamed the animal is very useful for work. The same unbridled energy, once focused, is a force for good. People with broken spirits are the best worship leaders because they can encourage others to lift their lives up to the Lord. If a worship leader has it "all together" and can put on a good show...how can God use that? If a worship leader is transparent, unmasked, and prays from the heart and sings to his/her Lord with love and devotion...that is true worship. Worship is when we put God back in the place He belongs, on the throne, and we step out of the way. We are happiest when God receives the praise, not us, but Satan lies and too often we believe the lie that we are really something special because of what we "do for God". No! We are something special because of what God has already done for us!

Christians are forever going to hurt Christians. We will do this over and over and over again. I had a friend tell me once, NEVER trust in man they will ALWAYS let you down eventually. I didn't want to believe this. Again, I was naive. I couldn't understand how it is that God-fearing people could let one another down. I failed to factor in sin. ONLY trust GOD. This is very wise counsel. Man is prone to follow his heart at times, and the Bible teaches that the heart is deceitful above all things.

I've never experienced a church split, but I've heard it is awful and very painful. This is something I hope I never experience. As church bodies we sometimes fail to look to God and Jesus Christ as the Head of the church. We get off track BAD when we look to man...any man, a pastor, a worship leader, an elder, whomever. Popular preachers will sometimes change churches...and it always struck me curious that congregants will leave and follow that preacher. That is spiritual dysfunction. God places us in certain church bodies to use the spiritual gifts to glorify Him and edify the body. If we are following a man from church to church, there is something seriously wrong! God never, NEVER, gave us spiritual gifts to glorify man!

I believe Satan works in the midst of our churches more than on the streets of our cities. The devil's work moves along smoothly in the dark alleys of the city streets because there is no resistance there. Satan is sly, and sneaky, and is on the prowl in the houses of God where he can do the most damage. I don't think many Christians prepare for that because we don't like to imagine that Satan is there, in our houses of worship, but our churches are filled with sin too. When we forget that, we let our guard down, and things happen which leads to division. It is a work of Satan. He knows that divided we fall.

There is good news! God is a God of restoration. Sometimes things must be destroyed in order to be rebuilt. I think some of that "break down" happens in the desert. Praise God! There is hope for those being broken down because that will allow the healing to begin. Nothing that we experience catches God off guard. None of it! While it can come as a sudden shock to us, God knew of it all along and He has no fear. He is also working to see that all things work together for good for those who love Him.

The closer we get to God, the more we see ourselves and can see the "ick". This I understand. We are like Isaiah and when the light is shone on ourselves, we realize how unclean we are. But, we are made clean by His touch! This is a healthy kind of humility. Have you ever felt "false" when you worship? When we understand that we are not worthy of Him, and allow Him to make us righteous, that is good. But, if we are not allowing Him to make us righteous, and just thinking about how "false" and "hypocritical" we are, we are putting God in a box. That is bad. We are not trusting Him to make us clean. We are saying we are "too far gone", or "God can't fix me"...and that is all a LIE STRAIGHT FROM THE PIT OF HELL! I have believed this lie on occasion. Anyone leading worship should not believe this lie. Anyone who seeks to truly worship God in humility should not believe this lie.

It is very hard trying to encourage others when we need encouragement ourselves. I think some of us can do that for a little while, but then we get pulled under by the tide. But, again, our hope should not be in others and how others can make us feel better, it must be in Christ alone. "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."

I am struggling with bitterness and hurt and much of this stems from problems with "bad christians" having hurt me or people I love, and some I must accept the blame for myself. This is where I am attempting to go to God for forgiveness and help. I think the biggest thing I've done in this struggle is asking others to help me. As Christians we must pray diligently for ourselves and each other. We must be transparent and be able to say "hey...I need to be encouraged" and "I need help".

All Christians will at one time or another experience spiritual depression. Don't give up! Pray and seek Him even when you don't feel like it! Thank Him for this season and how you will grow from it. Be transparent and tell God how you feel. Tell yourself how you feel...admit it! Admit you are in a spiritual desert and invite those who love you to help carry you through it. You will emerge a different person, but it will be a person closer to the image in which God created you. He will be rejoicing about that and you should too!

Labels: christianity

Posted by Susan L. Prince at 10:15 AM

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Wednesday, January 16, 2008

One of the Best Letters Ever Received

Below is a letter I received from a friend years ago. I had written her asking for some help with some life situations I was dealing with at the time. This letter was her response and it changed my life. As I am currently re-examining my life in Christ, I was drawn back to this letter, back to basics if you will, and wanted to share it. This letter from my friend is one of the best letters I have ever received because within its pages contains life changing wisdom and encouragement.

Saturday, February 27, 1999

Dear Sue,

I was thankful to receive your letter and humbled. Over the years, this is something that I have prayed for, that you would come to a place where you would re-examine your life, your faith and how you are living it out in your daily life.

I will attempt in my very human perspective to answer your questions and share with you what I can about my own spiritual journey.

I can only assure you what you are experiencing is normal. God created us as two dimensional beings ... a physical dimension and a spiritual dimension. The spiritual dimension can only be filled with the presence of God. Yet, we spent our lives trying to fill it with other things ... material possessions, drugs, alcohol, pursing goals and jobs that make us feel worthwhile, relationships, etc. We reach a point where it is all meaningless and wonder what is the purpose of life and is there really eternal life ... it is all so mystical. Each person internally whether they ever acknowledge it or not is aware at some level of God, the creator of the universe.

I believe Jesus allows pain, crisis, discomfort to come into our lives. It is during those times we grow in our relationship with Him. So, while I do not want to diminish your situation, I am thankful for it as it is causing you to examine your life in Him.

I can share with you that our God is a God of GRACE (Gods total unmerited love for us), FORGIVENESS (His grace reaches lower than our worst mistakes, no matter where we have been or what we have done, we are NOT beyond HIS forgiveness and love), MERCY (a just God who Hates sin will extend HIS MERCY to us if we only ask for HIS FORGIVENESS), LOVE (it is his love for me that I am most in awe of. How could HE love me? I lived much of my life denying HIM, the one who died on the cross for my sins). HE DOES NOT CHANGE! In world where our acceptance or rejection by others is often based upon our ability to perform to their expectations, meet their needs, God just loves us.

Let me share this phrase with you that I hear for the first time at Open Door Church one Sunday in May, 1994 that totally changed my life.

There is absolutely nothing I can do to make God love me more; there is nothing you can do to make God love me less. He loves me because of who HE is, not because of who I am are or what I have done.

We all, and I mean all, have fallen short of God's standard of perfection. No one will enter the kingdom of heaven based upon any deed or act of service they have performed during their lifetime.

You can only enter the kingdom of heaven by humbling yourself before the Lord Jesus Christ and accepting what HE did on the cross and placing your faith for eternal life in HIM.

Accepting Christ, His forgiveness ... placing your faith in Him this is what secures your place in His kingdom. Please do not let anyone or any self doubts you have diminish that idea. I will say it again, "believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be SAVED!" You don't have to clean up anything in your life before Christ accepts you all you have to do is Believe.

Church. I would encourage you to find a church that preaches the gospel, the Holy Scriptures. I will be in prayer about that for you. Where you land church wise is an important step.

Sue, I can only assure you that it is not easy. Humility, submission, faith, at least for me it has not been easy. Many a night I have been on my knees weeping tears and crying out to the Lord to heal my hurts, take away the consequences of my sin.

The bible I have sent is like the one I read. It is a Life Application Bible. What that means is on the bottom of the can refer to chapter and verse an application to our day to living. That has helped me a lot in being able to apply the God to my daily life. And I fail everyday...

I would encourage you to start in the book of John, the fourth of the New Testament gospels. I would recommend you read, meditate on one Chapter each day.

When you hurt ... go to the book of Psalms

When you are seeking right living ... go to the book of James

When you are looking for meaning or the lack there of in life ... read Ecclesiastes

Talk with God, tell Him how you feel, really feel. He is aware of all your thoughts and feelings. You will tell Him absolutely nothing that will surprise Him. The Lord desires us to share our hearts with Him.

Think of Paul, the author of much of the New Testament. He ran around after the death of Christ killing Christians! Killing em. Then he met Jesus. His life was changed. He spent the rest of his days sharing the gospel with whoever would listen, writing letters from prison to encourage fellow believers to stay the course.

Think of King David ... he committed adultery then killed the woman's husband to cover up his sin. Through it all, David loved God and desired to live for HIM. God never took away the consequences of David's sin but I know He blessed David in his life, in his reign as King. I know David is with Jesus in eternity today.

Think of Peter ... Peter one of the chosen 12 who denied even knowing Christ the night Christ was betrayed. Yet the Lord restored Peter.

Sue, this is an exciting time in your life. I would say the most exciting time. Maturity has taught me this the older I get there is not a whole lot in life to get upset about not a whole lot that is truly urgent. Matter of fact for me the only thing that is truly urgent is a person’s salvation. The reason being anyone of us could die at anytime ... where will eternity be spent? Living eternally with the Lord or living eternity in separation from the Lord.

I could ramble on and on but I believe it is best I stop here.

I believe we will have much to share in the coming weeks and months.

I will be in prayer for you.

Yes, Sue you may write in the Bible, I purchased it for you. Underline, write notes, read it, believe it. The bible is the divine word of God and will stand the test of time. I am basing my whole life and being on the validity of the word!!

Stay in touch, my friend.

There is nothing outside of the forgiveness of God, keep telling yourself that over and over. Change is not easy it is very scary.

The Lord will help you, strengthen you to do what needs to be done ... just ask and rely upon His perfect timing.

Love,

I've left off my friend's name because I know her well enough that she wouldn't want the attention...she'd pass it off to God. Her humility is one of the things I admire about her. So, in a sense, this is a love letter from God, he just used my friend to get it to me!

Labels: christianity, Personal Interest

Posted by Susan L. Prince at 10:32 AM

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Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Spiritual Depression

I have been in a spiritual desert. It is going on 2-3 years. I can't pray like I want, the prayers hit the firewall of the ceiling in my room and stay there. Or bounce back to earth and lay lifeless on the floor. My soul is parched and I feel nothing. No God. Are you there God? It's me Sue.

It has taken me a long time to even admit this, so bear with me.

My friend Katie has been aware of my predicament for a long while and shamefully I've all but ignored her encouragement and advice.

Through an email exchange early in the summer, my friend Deb sensed my spiritually desperate situation and turned me on to a message that was delivered by a pastor at her church in Ohio. (Jim Mindling at the Church of the Open Door in Elyria, OH) She was right in assessing that it was a message I needed to hear. In it, I heard some amazing things.

I've pondered the things in that message and have listened to it numerous times. It comforts me because I learned that I am in good company when it comes to people suffering through the dry desert of spiritual depression, that even Jesus felt spiritually depressed or how else could one explain the agony in the garden or his cry to His Father on the cross?

I also learned that I should thank God for this season in my life. God has always used the desert to teach amazing things and transform His people. I was encouraged that God chose to walk through this with me.

Through the lessons I am learning, partly inspired by the message I heard, I decided that I can't just sit around waiting for some Divine Intervention to zap me out of it. I'm in this place for a reason, and that I may just learn why, or from it at least, as I make the moves to emerge from the desert. I learned that I need to talk to God.

Unfortunately I am finding this a very ominous stumbling block at the moment. I am not very disciplined in this area. I was at one time, but now lines are down.

Realizing that part of the reason I am stuck is that I haven't trusted God, nor have I trusted the people He put into my life. I have since reached out to a select few people to share my struggle with. I am working on being a transparent Christian and part of that included opening up more intimately with those more spiritually mature than I. It is a frightening thing, but very needed.

So, my friend and I are studying together and I meet with her every other week or so to share, pray and encourage one another. She is encouraging me to have "guarded time" with the Lord. She is constantly asking how that is going, and I have to say that it is not going very well just yet...but things are improving. I don't know why it is so hard, but it is.

I have also contacted a person I have sort of been "avoiding". I have been ashamed to communicate with one of the women who mentored me early in my Christian walk. I feel like a failure and that I have let her and people who were there for me at the beginning of my walk with Christ down because I have wandered so far into a desert. Eight years saved and nothing to show for it!

I am genuinely trying to get out of this pit! I am trying to be transparent and I am beginning to see why it is Biblical and something that God requires. I think simply sharing that I am feeling so weak and desperate has already helped lighten this burden. I've learned how foolish I have been to avoid those people who can help me the most! I'm such a dork!

With some strong women of faith around me, some effort on my part to spend time with God, and by learning to be a transparent Christian, I will emerge much more spiritually mature and be ready to be used by God for His Divine Purpose.

(Originally posted 12/28/07 but reposted to bump to top)

Labels: christianity, Personal Interest

Posted by Susan L. Prince at 10:55 PM

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Monday, December 31, 2007

Recovering Pharisee

I am a Pharisee.

Full of pride and self-righteousness. Often I don't let it show (well, except to those closest to me), but I know it's there. God knows it's there.

A friend recommended this book, "12 Steps for the Recovering Pharisee".

I chuckle when I read it. Not a haha funny chuckle, but a sort of wow, I can't believe he just said that and it's sad but true. I have those same thoughts and feelings! I chuckle at the uncanny likeness of bad attitude I share with the author as he describes my attitude at times to a T.

You know those thoughts Christian! Yes, you! Christian! What exactly are your thoughts when you are behind that slow driver whose left turn signal is still blinking from the turn a mile back when you are running late? Or, what are your thoughts about that woman in line in front of you at the department store that can't find her credit card, then when she does it doesn't work, so she fishes for another card that doesn't work and you have places to go things to do. Are your thoughts Christlike?

Do you roll your eyes back into your skull when the prayer request list at Sunday School goes into it's third hour?

How have you treated your loved ones today? Quick with the tongue? That small part of the body that James says is so full of evil.

Anyway, it is a book of self-examination and of helpful encouragement for attitude adjustment. I've finished only the first chapter, but just reading through the list of the "12 Steps" I feel hopeful that I can admit my failings and work toward building my relationship with Christ to take on more of His likeness.

The 12 Steps

1. We admit that our single most unmitigated pleasure is to judge other people.

2. Have come to believe that our means of obtaining greatness is to make everyone lower than ourselves in our own mind.

3. Realize that we detest mercy being given to those who, unlike us, haven't worked for it and don't deserve it.

4. Have decided that we don't want to get what we deserve after all, and we don't want anyone else to either.

5. Will cease all attempts to apply teaching and rebuke to anyone but ourselves.

6. Are ready to have God remove all these defects of attitude and character.

7. Embrace the belief that we are, and will always be, experts at sinning.

8. Are looking closely at the lives of famous men and women of the Bible who turned out to be ordinary sinners like us.

9. Are seeking through prayer and meditation to make a conscious effort to consider other better than ourselves.

10. Embrace the state of astonishment as a permanent and glorious reality.

11. Choose to rid ourselves of any attitude that is not bathed in gratitude.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we will try to carry this message to others who think that Christians are better than everyone else.

This should be a very challenging book and I pray that I don't just read it and add to the stack of books on my shelf that collect dust. I'm hopeful that by allowing God to shine His Light on me, and my Pharisaical attitude, that He can heal me and grow me. My hope is in Him...only He can change me!

Labels: christianity, Personal Interest

Posted by Susan L. Prince at 8:58 PM

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Sunday, December 30, 2007

I Become

"I become what I behold"

Heard that lyric in a song today. (Earthsuit - Osmosis Land)

Made me consider what do I behold?

Labels: christianity, Personal Interest

Posted by Susan L. Prince at 10:13 PM

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Saturday, December 01, 2007

Working Faith

Labels: christianity, church<