Saturday, January 23, 2010

Dying

By Katie

Hindsight is 20/20 right? There are people who look over their lives and say they wouldn't have changed a thing. Oh boy I wish I could say that. There are a lot of things I would have done differently. I would have not made a lot of the mistakes I made that I still bear the consequences from. But, everyone makes mistakes…and this is my confession. I am taking responsibility and owning what I have done…and hopefully I will learn from this and not repeat it.

Here is what I am processing today….

God told me to love Him first and then love others and esteem them as better than myself. That was the first thing He told me to focus on after my husband and I separated over a decade ago. He prepared me in advance. He warned me that I was about to be majorly deceived…but I missed what He was sayin. In my deeds I tried to put others first…but in my heart, I was number one. People kept telling me, but I didn't believe them. I didn't realize it until now…now that I have "loved" everyone right out of my life.

I have been grieving over this. I have had bitterness over this…and I have been selfish.


I thought I was selfless and pleasing God because I gave up a lot of personal desires and time to serve God and others through my family, friendships and others. I put everything into giving my children good memories of their childhood. I thought I did good to be at their sports/band/play practices and performances. I invested much time and effort and money into their well-being and education. I did the usual things to keep the home running. I read books on raising kids, attended seminars, was heavily involved in church and even took the kids on a mission trip overseas. I burned my candle at both ends for an entire decade trying to do everything right, trying to do what I believed to be God's will. This included working and going to college. I did. I did. I did. I. I. I.

When the kids were involved in sports and other activities, I often got very upset because I had so much to do and resented that there was another practice, another game. But I went and cheered them on. I became very stressed at trying to manage work, school and motherhood. I spent much of my life feeling overwhelmed and weary. I began to feel taken for granted and started reminding them of all I do for them. I thought it would help to get some appreciation.


The same thing happened with my best friend and roommate. She helped a lot with the financial end of things. In return, I did everything I could to see to her happiness in the deeds I did. I cooked, shopped, did my best to maintain the home while going to work and school. She is a musician and I went to many of her performances as well to support her as well as my children. I enjoyed every one. I believed that accountability was showing love and began holding her accountable for how she spent her time and who she spent it with. I overstepped boundaries because I allowed myself to be deceived into believing I was in God's will because we were accountability partners.

So, I was trying to keep the home, keep up with the kids, go to school, work, and run everyone's life. I believed that I was being submissive when in reality, I became a control freak. I was deceived. I saw myself submissive because I did what I was expected to do and I let everyone dictate to me what I should do and I worked myself to exhaustion. I wanted accolades but received criticism and became resentful. I did most of this while having a Christian blog, going to church, learning how to live…but trying to control things apart from God…all the while believing I was trusting Him and letting Him have the controls of my life. I was slowly and craftily deceived.

I even became my own enemy in trying to love myself! I allowed self centered thoughts to control my actions. I started to see myself as a failure and a hopeless mess. The enemy of my soul started whispering to me, and taking advantage of my weakness in my exhaustion and weariness. When we are serving God, we do not grow weary or faint. That should have been a huge clue to me…but I totally missed it. I began to focus on how I was feeling invisible and unappreciated until somebody needed me to do something. I began to focus on my loneliness and how I felt used and unloved. I then made it a point to remind my friend and family every day about all I sacrificed for them and how I only wanted them to spend some quality time with me…and that I didn't think it was too much to ask in return. I didn't realize that quality time is time spent out of want…not guilt or obligation. Then when they spent time with me, I resented that they spent it out of guilt or obligation and that they didn't really want to. They couldn't win. They were annoyed by my requests and sick of hearing about how they treated me so terribly. I became more resentful and more angry. I created an environment that caused everyone in my household to become focused on themselves and we all began to hurt one another. I was so deceived and I couldn't understand why they thought a little time sacrificed was asking too much. I thought I was fun to be around, but I had become a very unpleasant person. I couldn't understand how it is that I could totally give up my life to make theirs better and bought into a lie that they believed they could just take what they wanted and expect more…and not want me around until it was convenient for them.

It got to the point that all my family ever heard from me is how I would like their time since I gave them so much. I constantly reminded them about how good I was to them and all that I had sacrificed and given to them….so I unintentionally tried to manipulate them through guilt to give me what I wanted (company and appreciation). I never stopped wanting to please them and do

good things for them…I just became resentful because I didn't get the response I expected. I didn't do what I did to get something back…but when I was met with a lack of appreciation, sometimes ridicule and often complaint...I unintentionally retaliated with "reminders", causing a guilt trip. I was shooting myself in the foot. I just nagged (unknowingly) the ones I loved right out of my life and I suffer the consequences even now because they have gone on with their lives and for the most part…I am not a part of it. I now understand why God told me to love Him first and I understand better about loving others. I did not love. I took advantage. I abused. I did everything I accused others of doing to me.

What I would have done differently…..

I would have let go and let God. I would have kept my mouth shut and not gotten so obviously irritated whenever there was "one more thing" to do. I would have not created an environment of eggshells in my family by being on edge and ready to "blow" at the next request…all the time. I would not have reminded them on a daily basis of all the good things I did for them and that they should show more gratitude. This made everything I did, every sacrifice, for nothing…a waste. I ruined it. I was a killjoy. If I could change anything I did in the past, I would not have alienated the ones I claimed to love so much. I am always talking about how we suffer the consequences of our poor decisions…and now I am doing that.

I would have spent more time on my knees and less time running my mouth. I did what I did out of love, but became selfish and felt like I deserved something in return. I defeated my whole effort. All I wanted was to create a stable, loving environment for my home and to give my children happy childhood memories. But, what they have is memories of a grumpy, selfish mom who they began to fear to ask for anything. They were afraid to ask for money because I would lecture them on finances. They were afraid to ask to go anywhere for fear of a lecture on how exhausted I was. Often, when time was spent with me, it was out of guilt and not pleasurable for them…then I lectured them because they didn't want to spend time with me. The same thing happened with my best friend.

I didn't feel like she desired to spend time with me like I desired to spend time with her. I began to lecture her on how she spent her time and on priorities. Out of guilt, she would squeeze me in here and there in hopes to make me stop my endless nagging. But, it didn't work. I felt her discontentment and lectured her about spending time with me just to ease her conscience. I even lectured her on working and hobbies interfering with church…on the surface I believed I was doing this for her good…but now I wonder if I didn't do it out of selfishness thinking it would give us more "quality" time together.

In all my efforts to sacrifice my time and energies in the name of selflessness and being "others" focused, I became extremely self centered and didn't even see it. I was deceived in the midst of all my attempts to be "godly" and became very ungodly. Now, I am staring into the mirror of God and I do not see Christ in me…I see a lot of ugly.

I am on retreat right now. I came here to find forgiveness towards others who have hurt me. Now, I only seek forgiveness that I so desperately need. I pray I will learn from my mistakes and turn and never repeat them again. I am truly sorry. In my efforts to make your life wonderful…I made you miserable.

My prayer now is not God…change their hearts…it is, Father, change mine. Make me over.

In Jesus Name,

Amen



I am guilty of pointing out splinters in others' eyes when I had a huge TREE in my face. I am guilty of selfishness, pride, not putting God first, causing disunity and division. I am guilty of focusing on all the bad things that happened as if nothing good did. We had lots of good times in spite of my bad attitude. I cherish those memories and will try to place my thoughts there from this point forward. God is teaching me about focus this year. Every year he grows a specific area of my life and each one builds upon the ones before. I am shocked to look back and remember the first theme He gave me, "Love God and others". He told me this because He knew the deceiver was coming…and I still fell. It's a slow fade. If you are weary of doing good, it's very likely that in your efforts to do good, something is very wrong and needs to change. If you are serving God WITH God then you will not grow faint or weary. If you are serving God WITHOUT Him then you are trying to grow good fruit apart from the branch and you will only wither and die. But, the good thing is, a seed has to die before it can produce fruit. Your only hope is in Christ...the Vine.

I hope that my enlightenment has killed this part of me that needed to die and I will begin to walk in new life abiding in Christ (that is another theme God gave me 2 years ago). I hope that people will see the change God has made in me…and that He will be glorified! I think I am finally FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Unforgiveness

Author: Katie

At the risk of totally humiliating myself , I am writing a public confession. I pray that God will bring good from this.

I thought I was the kind of person who didn’t have a problem with holding grudges but then circumstances occurred in my life to show me that even I am susceptible to this deception of wanting justice and vindication where I feel I have been wronged…all about me. How did I get to this place? It was a slow and deceptive fade into selfishness. I am confessing this sin of unforgiveness and selfishness that is overwhelming and poisoning me. This grudge and bitterness I hold is towards people who once held a very special place in my heart. I keep justifying to myself that I have a right to this, but truthfully, there is no justification there is only God’s Word which says that this is sin and it is harmful to my relationship with Him. He forgave me and if I don’t forgive as He has forgiven then I am not reflecting Him or bringing glory to His name. More than I am sinning against those who have wounded me…I am sinning against God and it has deprived me of the Spirit’s power in my life and thrown me into a time of desert wandering. I know this but I can’t seem to let go, to trust God and let Him have it. Why? He can fix this. I am only making it worse.

Brothers and sisters, I covet your prayers that I will be healed from this…that I will find a way to turn from it and stay turned. It is self-preservation that keeps me in this state of darkness. My faith is weak. I know my God is bigger than this…but I also know He will not choose for me. It is my prayer for strength to choose for myself and to believe that He alone is the one who should deal with those who have wounded me. He will let them know if and what they have done wrong in His time. It’s not my job to make them understand and I can’t show them Truth because I’m not really sure what that is myself. But, when I let go and let Him have the controls and trust Him again, He will let me know Truth and He will give me understanding towards why I have been so deeply hurt. Maybe I don’t want to know. Maybe that's my problem.

I have never harbored bitterness like this before and I don’t know why I continue to put myself through this. It serves no purpose and is only destructive to my well-being, my testimony, my relationships to others and my relationship to God. It is a waste…I know this…so why do I find some twisted sense of security in it? I do what I don’t want to do.

God help me

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Tuesday, December 01, 2009

A Testimony of Spiritual Growing Pains Through Friendship

Author:  Susan L. Prince

I have one of the best and deepest friendships one could have with my friend and sister in Christ, Katie. We became quick friends when I responded to her prayer request ten years ago. From that moment on, it was apparent that God brought us together to enjoy a friendship.

We have shared many laughs and deep conversations. We have loved deeply and served one another in different ways. We studied God's Word together and grew spiritually.  It was a relationship that set God at the center and as a result, our friendship flourished and we both were blessed by it.

As with any relationship, they often come with struggles.  Our friendship has not been immune to that, but today we can praise God because He grew us into friends, grew us through our friendship, and grows us through our struggles relationally to this day. We have been able to teach each other many things and for that I am ever thankful.  It has not been an easy journey at times, but I know "that in all things God works for the good of those who love him." 

Many changes have occured in both of our lives over the past few years especially; the kids have both grown and moved on, Katie is now married and living in another state, and I am living alone in this house our "framily" once shared.  We are where God intends us to be at this time, and I am confident that the gift of friendship that God has given to Katie and me will continue for all our lives.

Recently I had the opportunity to share with Northbrook Church some of what I have learned through the mistakes that I made in my relationship with Katie and how I failed to yield my will to God's, especially with regard to submitting to one another and submitting to spiritual authority.  This sin of failing to submit resulted in me falling out of God's will and that naturally leads to suffering dire consequences, and in my case lead me into a spiritual desert place which I have shared about before. 

I shared last June on the Sisters' Weblog A Little Something I've Learned About Spiritual Authority.  (it is a three part series run back to back so you can read all of it scrolling up the page.)   The past few years have been difficult for both Katie and I, some of which is documented on this blog.  I know some of my actions and words have been hurtful to Katie and for that I am sorry, but again, Jesus is the Lord of both of us, so in His amazing ways, He is restoring our friendship to something even better!  I am forever grateful for His mercy and grace. 

I want to make available to you the testimony I shared with my church on Sunday, 11/14/09.  Sin had damaged my relationship with my Father, but His love is faithful and He used circumstances and His people to help open my eyes to spiritual truths that only He can teach me.  You can listen to the audio file of my testimony HERE, and catch the entire message Chuck delivered HERE.  Below I will include the list of six things I learned about this type of submission as a summary.

Things I learned about submitting to one another:

  1. We are to put aside our pride and recognize that we can be easily deceived.
  2. God puts us in a body of believers purposefully so that we can edify others and speak into each other’s lives – as iron sharpens iron
  3. Our brothers and sisters in the Lord love us and exist to encourage us in the Lord.  They do not wish to harm us.
  4. Those walking in the spirit have Godly insight into your life, and this is especially true for our spiritual leaders.
  5. God commands us to honor spiritual leaders – He has entrusted them with an awesome responsibility and He divinely equips them to watch over our spiritual well being.
  6. If we fear God, we will submit to one another because we WANT to promote His glory and we WANT to build one another up in order to fulfill our destinies in God’s plan.

Listen to my testimony delivered to Northbrook Church for the message "Submit to One Another"

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Thursday, November 26, 2009

Whatever is Good

Author: Katie

God’s word proves itself. I need not try to prove it. It only takes one believer to test what it says and today, it proved itself to me once again. History tells of how man is doomed to repeat his mistakes over and over from Adam and Eve in the garden to Katrina Dunkin.

This morning, I cried out to Him with a broken and contrite heart. I asked forgiveness for dwelling on things that make me miserable. His Word tells us to focus on what is good and lovely, admirable...that being Him and the work He is doing and the fact that He loves me and wants me to cast all my cares upon Him.

I find myself repeating this cycle over and over. I focus on Him, I rise above my circumstances. I have peace and a wonderful testimony of His love, mercy and grace on my lips. I live a life that is attractive to those who are seeking to know Christ. They want what I have. I feel no need to defend myself because Christ is my vindication. But, then something happens and it becomes my focus. I lose sight of the One who loves me. The words on my mouth and the meditations of my heart are unacceptable and I find myself not dwelling in His presence…although He never leaves me. My life is not appealing to those who are seeking Christ and my testimony of Him is defeated. I get depressed, and miserable and I can’t seem to snap out of it until I realize what I’m doing and I fall on my face before God with a broken and contrite heart…Then, I find myself back in His grace, restored, whole.

This morning I found myself in that place of brokenness. I cried out to God in repentance for focusing on what makes me miserable and feeling hopeless and helpless. I asked Him to help me break out of this cycle. Then I read my devotion for the day….

“You have not cried to Me with all your hearts, but you have complained that I have not heard your prayers. As it is written ‘He [the Lord] is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him’ (Hebrews 11:6), And again: ‘You will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with ALL your heart’ (Jeremiah 29:13).

Look no more to My hand to supply freely your needs when you have not humbled your hearts and cleansed your hands and come to me with the sacrifice I have required – even a broken and contrite heart. You need not expect Me to speak to you when your ears are heavy from listening to evil reports…..”


I also read, “Your eyes will not look upon My face while they are still engaged in viewing the faults and imperfections in the brethren.” Of this, I am guilty…of bitterness against my best friend and sister in Christ. I confess unforgiveness to God and everyone. I confess bitterness, and I ask for prayer…and I ask my friend to forgive me because I am full of faults and imperfections and I have no business pointing out those of others. God help me…it’s a pride thing.

Again, I must remind myself that victory is birthed from calamity…I need to stop complaining and fault finding, and trying to defend myself. I need to let God defend me..and thank God and praise Him in ALL things because He works everything for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28)…that is the good I need to focus on in the midst of calamity…not the calamity. Then I will praise Him and glorify Him no matter what life throws at me…and that is what I was created to do!

“When you look to Me in truth and sincerity and repentance, you shall indeed see Me, and having seen Me, you wil look upon your brothers and sisters with love and understanding and patience knowing full well the needs in your own heart and life…”

“I will withhold my chastening rod when you turn to Me in repentance…”

“The heart that grieves over sin shall experience genuine comfort. There is nothing like it in any of the comforts of the world. If you bathe My feet in your tears, I shall clasp you to my heart in love. I cannot describe to you My love. I can only give it to you.”


This truth has been proven in my life over and over and over…and now again. His grace is truly sufficient and the only perfect love is God’s love.

I am reminded today of 1 Thessolonians 5: 16-18

Rejoice ALWAYS
Pray WITHOUT CEASING
IN EVERYTHING give thanks

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Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Calamity Gives Birth to Victory! (Author: Katie)

The last 2 years of my life have been what seems to be a trail of one calamity after another. I have battled spiritually until I have found myself completely on the brink of a mental/spiritual breakdown. But instead of collapsing into oblivion of mental illness, I ran to my Father and collapsed in His arms. I battle…this warfare…daily and I am not so blind as to believe this struggle will ever end this side of heaven. This is life on Earth… a preparation and teaching time for eternal life with God.

Calamity teaches us how loved we are and that God is always there, in control and always with us. It teaches us how much we need Him and that He is the only One we can truly depend on always. The biggest thing I am learning is said quite perfectly in my devotional book, “Come Away my Beloved” by Frances J. Roberts. One sentence sums it all up in a nutshell….

“There can be no permanent loss in the life of My children, for out of the seeds of every calamity rises a whole crop of new victories.”

The author writes from God’s perspective, as if He is talking to his children…through His love letter…where He really does talk to us. It goes on to read…

“[This] is the way I have made it. The greatest evidence of this truth is Calvary.”

This is His story...for His glory....

I am experiencing a new crop of victories birthed from the chain of heart breaking events. He is healing me…and growing me…and blessing me….slowly but surely and eventually, completely.

I only want Him to receive the glory for the great things He has done. Apart from Him I am nothing and I can do nothing…but in Him…all things are possible.

By God’s grace I have a new and wonderful victory that keeps multiplying….I am Mrs. Katrina Dunkin!

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Sunday, November 01, 2009

Today Wasn't Just Another Sunday

Author: Susan L. Prince

I awakened this morning like I do each Sunday, although this day I was not working and looked forward to heading to Northbrook Church to gather with my church family and worship together. Northbrook has been my home church since 2001, so I have a large family!

There are many things going on personally in my head and heart that I can't share here, but I will share some things today because my experience at church was so profound. It is difficult sometimes to share this stuff because what is so deep and meaningful to me may sound trivial and "stupid" to the reader, but it is a risk I am going to take. This blog is meant to glorify God and today He really did surprise me with some things and I just need to document it in some way.

When I walked in the door at Northbrook this morning I was greeted by name with smiles and hugs from my brothers and sisters in Christ. It was such a warm feeling of love in the air. :) It just seems sweeter now that I live alone to have people genuinely happy to see me.

I chatted some and then headed in to take my seat, third row in the section on the right side, second chair in from the aisle on the left. I noticed a couple behind me that I had not met so I introduced myself and met Gina and Raymond. I said "hello" to a few other family members and watched as other Northbrookers made their way over to greet Gina and Raymond. It made me remember my first visit to Northbrook and how I immediately felt loved. I hope Gina and Raymond experienced some of that today.

I took my seat again and observed that the elements were reverently on display at the front. Honestly, I have not partaken in the sharing the Lord's Supper the past few times the opportunity presented itself. I chose not to partake on those occasions because my heart just wasn't "right". The Lord's Supper is something I revere and take very seriously. There are times I literally shake when I hold the elements and consider what Jesus Christ did for me on that cross and think about how much love it took to stay on that cross, suffering and dying. I think hold me Jesus, I'm shaking like a leaf.

When I saw that my Northbrook family would be sharing in the Lord's Supper today, before the service started I sat and reflected at my seat. I was thinking that my heart is there, it is ready, and it is His. I thought, today I will be able to partake.

The service started with a single voice singing strains of a hymn and then we heard scripture read by many different people and children. All these scriptures shared the truth about God's love and how much He does love us. It was impactful to me because I had already been led to ponder all that.

As the praise and worship music started by the band on stage, the wife of one of the band members came up next to me and asked if she and her family could sit in the row of seats next to me. Of course! So, I quickly moved my stuff from the seat that was to my right, but realized that wasn't quite enough room and then I had to leave "my" seat and move to the seat on the end.

This doesn't seem like a big deal, but to me it was. It was a very big deal. That end seat was "Katie's". That was my friend Katie's seat. I sat next to her for eight years as she worshiped. So, it felt weird. It felt so different to sit there, in "Katie's seat". I was somewhat befuddled.

When the band finished, the woman's husband came and sat next to his wife, which was next to me, in "my" seat.

Suddenly a wave of emotion overcame me because it was now "official"; the era has come to an end. My entire framily is gone and Katie wasn't there and life is marching on. I've even been "kicked out" of my seat. It was symbolic. It really got to me. I think it is finally sinking in how different my life is now. I know the both of us are in God's will, and that is all good, but my heart has finally accepted that I am enduring a major life adjustment. In a way it really surprised how it all started to hit me. My life as I knew it is over. God is moving me onto new things. God is moving Katie onto new things.

Chuck, my pastor, then stood before us to present the elements, that which represents Christ's body and blood. My eyes were already welling up and as Chuck began to share a word with us, he got choked up. He couldn't speak because he was overcome with emotion. I have seen this in him before when we partake in the Lord's Supper. It is a very meaningful time and it seemed extra special today for some reason; at least it was for me.

When Chuck finally spoke he said "Have you ever just been so overcome with the realization that you are loved?" He continued on to share that he feels that way when we share in communion, when he thinks about his family, when he thinks about the church, when he thinks about his wife, etc. It was impactful to me because I was really feeling the love today. As soon as I entered the Gathering Place, brothers greeted me, I found sisters to get hugs from and talk with, listened to people share about how much God loves me and then I was about to do something that Christ commanded us to do in order to remember His sacrifice, which was totally done out of absolute, never-ending, pure love for me.

It was powerful. God reminded me that Christ took on the form of a man for me. He is the Almighty, yet He did not consider equality with God something to be grasped. Can you imagine confining yourself to live in a feeble body covered with skin, when you are an omnipotent, eternal being? As a man he endured the hardships of life we all deal with, and much more. He lived a perfect life and then died a death like any common criminal of that day. The people who cheered Him waving palm branches as He entered the city at the beginning of the week were sorely disappointed by him by the end of the week and even spat on him and cursed Him. Then He laid down His life. Yes, man crucified Him, but that would not have happened without his permission. He literally laid his life down! He did that for me. For YOU! Bloggles the mind!

That is true love. Agape love. He died for the very people that spit on Him, curse His name, and nailed Him to a tree. He died for me. Me.

So, I sat reflecting on that as well as the framily that I was so desperately missing, knowing that I have loved deeply and knowing that I am loved deeply. It was so very humbling.

Chuck asked anyone willing to serve to come up and pass out the elements and so I took of the bread and I took the cup. We waited to eat together and then to share of the drink. As I crushed the bread between my teeth, I envisioned the body of my Savior, broken and dying as He hung on a cross, and as I drank of the cup I understand that He poured his blood out as a sacrifice for my sin.

After sharing the Lord's Supper Chuck delivered an inspired message on the scripture about Jesus washing the disciple's feet. I want to share more about that in another post, but one thing that stuck with me is something Chuck said about foot washing, he said "it is humbling on both sides of the water."

It was an emotional day for me as I remember life and what it was like these past ten years, and how it is now and that I can trust God for a future rich with opportunities to serve Him.

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Saturday, October 03, 2009

Speechless

Author - Susan L. Prince

"In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters."

When we were driving up through The Great Smoky Mountains I caught a quick glimpse of a beautiful sight through a very small opening between the trees. It was just enough for me to get a quick glance at the scene, but still left me ignorant of what was to come and what I was about to see.

As we neared the top I was getting eager to get out of the confines of the vehicle we were in to behold a scene painted by the hand of God. I leaped from the car as soon as we parked and I surveyed what was before me. I stood there speechless, looking out over the expanse of mountain tops peering up through cloud cover that left me without words.

Now and then I would muster a simple "wow". "WOW!" That was about all I could come up with.

I thought about how my friend Ellen pointed out to me one day that everything God created is visually pleasing. What I saw that morning blows visually pleasing out of the water! It was stunning! Absolutely amazing! There are no adjectives to adequately describe what I witnessed that morning. I could barely breathe I was so astounded.

I kept imagining the Spirit of God hovering there.




Below are more pictures of our trip to The Smokies on Flickr.

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Sunday, September 13, 2009

What God is Doing

Author: Katie

This blog is supposed to be about what God is doing in the lives of two sisters. The lack of posts may convey a message that He isn't doing anything. To the contrary, He is doing much. What He is doing is taking these two sisters down different paths in life. One of us moved on some time ago...the other is finally aware of what is going on...duh...and trying to do adjust and do the same.

Letting go is not easy but in life there is a time, a season, and a purpose for everything and He works everything out for good! The season for the "Sisters" has passed. As for this sister...I am getting married! This is very very good.

So, I guess this "disconnect" as we take two different roads explains the lack of posting seen here at the Sisters' Weblog. What an awesome adventure and journey we have travelled. Now that our paths are going in different directions, for this sister...the taste is bittersweet because it is sad to see our journey together come to an end...it was so sudden and unexpected... but it is so sweet because God is at work all around us every day and nothing happens that He is unaware of.

One final word of encouragement for any readers who still may be with us....

All I can say is trust Him even when things don't look like you think they should..especially during times when everything seems hopeless. His love never fails. People come and go in life, God gives and takes away according to His own good purpose. He is the one sure constant and His love is steadfast...always. He is everything we need to get through a life filled with unexpected twists and turns. Apart from Him we can do nothing.

One thing I have learned more than anything through all the experiences written about about in our blog and more.....this life...my life...life itself...it's about one relationship and one Person...God. I will continue to strive to live in a way that brings Him glory. I will fail at times...but then I will grow. This is the good of Romans 8:28. My suffering is what makes me like Christ and I want to be like Him so I will learn to find joy and praise Him during those hard times that purify, mold, and grow me more into His likeness...this is good. And as for suffering...it only lasts for a night... I can get through the difficult times by remembering that joy always comes in the "mourning" and in the morning.

Each day brings with it new trials and new blessings. The great news is that we can focus on the blessings as we go through the trials...and count the trials as blessings as they mold us more into the loving, holy character of Christ. It's not easy to do this...but with God all things are possible..but we must abide in Him because apart fron Him we can do nothing.


Philippians 3: 7-14

7But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. 10I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.
12Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
My prayer is that He will manifest Himself you, beloved readers and that you will understand the surpassing greatness of Jesus Christ and that God will fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. It is our hope (I think I can speak for Sue as well) that the posts you have read on this blog have helped point you in that direction.

Many of you have been such as source of wisdom, challenge, comfort, encouragement and growth to us over the years. Thank you..each and every one for your contributions. God bless you. Amen.

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Posted by Katie at 2:52 PM

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Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Another Awesome Followup - Fellowshipping in suffering makes us stronger

http://www.rbc.org/bible-study/strength-for-the-journey/daily-strength.aspx

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Posted by Katie at 9:26 AM

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Thursday, July 30, 2009

Follow Up

This is a link to my daily devotion. I found it interesting that it seems to follow up on what I posted yesterday...for those who might be confused....I hope it helps.

http://www.rbc.org/bible-study/strength-for-the-journey/daily-strength.aspx

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Posted by Katie at 9:15 AM

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Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Fellowshipping in the Suffering

Author: Katie

Fellowshipping in the sufferings of Christ….

This is a blessing but it doesn’t always feel like it because what it means is that I have to be willing to be wrongfully accused, be willing to take on the punishment of those who persecute me. I must be willing to experience rejection from those I love the most (excruciating)…and I have to understand that often I will be the last on the list of important relationships/people in the lives of those I love. I have to be willing to accept that the people I love will be too busy to spend time with me and that they might see me as a fairy godmother of some sorts…only there to meet their needs, hear their requests, and make them as comfortable as they desire to be…to receive praise when I do something that makes them feel good, ignored when everything is going well, and cursed when I don't give them what they want or think they need. I am learning how much God suffers at my hand every day because everything I am experiencing is what He goes through because of me. I reject, I get too busy doing things that don't matter and focusing on things that are temporal and will never love me back to the neglect of my relationship with Christ who truly loves me. I get angry when things don't go my way. I ignore Him when I am comfortable...and He takes it. His love doesn't waiver or become more or less. I want to love like that...but it hurts so bad.

So, I ask myself…how can this be good for me? The pain is excruciating and tests my endurance and ability to stand strong in my faith every single day. Why do I continue to ask God to allow me to experience the suffering of Christ? Because It allows me to better grasp how deep and wide and far the love of God reaches for me. This is the glory that comes from the suffering…the glory of God. I experience His love and love others the way He does... like I cannot unless I am willing to accept this call…and so when I find myself in a place where I want to throw in the towel…I will not give up. I will trudge forward and press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

So even in the midst of this suffering…my God…I will try my best not to hang my head low. I will strive to not complain. I will continue to praise You! I will rejoice in the love I am experiencing in the midst of it all…I can do this because I know, Father that You are bigger than all of it and that the joy of the Lord is my strength. I praise You for this call to fellowship. Suffering is the path to truly experiencing Your love...a love that is beyond human comprehension and can be found only in You. I cannot represent you accurately to the lost unless I experience accurately the cross.

The price I pay is nothing compared to the price You have paid. Help me to stand.

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Posted by Katie at 10:47 AM

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Monday, July 27, 2009

Finding Joy

Author: Katie

Every year God gives me an area of my life to focus on...one that needs growth. This year He gave me joy. No, He did not make me happy (which is what I thought would happen when I understood where He was planning to work in my life). I expected that finally, everything in my life was going to come together and all the things I have been praying for would all fall into place and finally I would have happiness.

I should have known better. Happiness is temporary. Joy is forever. If I have learned anything over the last several years, I have learned that His ways and thoughts are most certainly not like mine. So, after I returned from the retreat in which I discovered the theme of my life this year, I suffered many many attacks on my faith which resulted in great loss in many ways. However, I am learning in the loss that there is so much more to gain.

I am learning that I trust in circumstances and relationships too much...earthly things that I am learning more and more every day are very temporal. Even the strongest relationships can change in a moment's notice and be lost forever. Circumstances rise and fall with every change of wind and my emotions rise and fall with them.

God is teaching me that true joy does not depend on circumstances or earthly relationships...or any eartly thing for that matter. Joy is found hidden deep beneath the circumstances and in only one relationship. I will have joy when I find that place deep within and let my relationship with Christ be at the core of my being and the complete source of my joy...not people...not circumstances.

I am also learning that it doesn't happen overnight. I still have ups and downs but the hills and valleys of this roller coaster ride are becoming smaller and smoother...yet I know the ride isn't over yet. I still fear loss and I still have a broken heart and I still focus too much on relationships that really shouldn't matter at the expense of those that should matter more. I try to hold on to what I should let go of...what doesn't belong to me nor ever did to begin with. I want Philippians 3: 8-10 to be my testimony.

I want to live to consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I want to consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death....

This is the path to joy...the path through suffering...it begins with dying to my flesh...to selfishness. The more I strive to reach this place...the more I see how selfish I really am. God, help me to die in a way that brings You glory and resurrect me to find eternal and consistent joy in You and You alone. I know this road will carry me through suffering and as much as it already hurts...I know that I will find strength in Christ and joy in praise. And so I praise you for this storm that will lead me on the path to pure joy that is only found in You. Mold me...strengthen me...make me holy that I can be a purer image of You. To You be the glory for the work that You never cease doing until it has been completed. For You work all things for good as you mold those who love You and are called according to Your purpose.. into Your perfect image! I am called. I am being purified. I am growing. I am being emptied. It hurts...a lot...but I shall continue to reach for the goal which is in Christ. Blessed be the name of the Lord!

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Posted by Katie at 5:57 PM

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Thursday, July 16, 2009

I've Got Bigger Issues Than That

Author: Susan L. Prince

I have much bigger issues than Internet addiction and a cluttered life.

I have sin.

It is called bitterness.

It is eating me alive and destroying relationships.

Pray for me.

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 6:01 PM

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Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Addiction Conviction

Author: Susan L. Prince

I've been posting about what God has convicted me of recently. The first one is simple and I have been convicted about that for awhile, and it really hit me hard on a retreat weekend at Natchez Trace back in April? May? One of those months! LOL

The first is my obvious addiction to the computer, namely the Internet. I don't really do anything special online, just surf, read blogs, the news, Facebook and piddle really. The problem is that it does take time away from God. He hates that and is letting me know it. The solution to this is to curb my time online.

I was made very aware of this being a problem when I was on retreat Katie had her laptop there. She left the room and there I was, alone in a hotel room with a computer. I literally knew I shouldn't power it on and was sitting there on the bed listening to my worship music, trying to pray and study the Word, but that computer was distracting me. I had the thought...wow, I understand what alcoholics must endure when they want that drink, know it's not good for them, and then are left alone in a room with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. I fought the desire to get online for a while, but then I figured, only for a few minutes and could no longer resist. I gave in.

Appalled that I was letting an addiction control me, I came home from that retreat vowing to restrict my online time, and did so for about five minutes. I'm having a bit of trouble with that obviously. That makes me beat myself up.

The second thing I am convicted about is that I need to simplify my life. I am reading "So, You Want to Be Like Christ? Eight Essentials to Get You There" by Charles R. Swindoll. The second discipline Swindoll explores is Simplicity. He asks "do you spend adequate alone time with God?"

This is something I learned that I needed to do when I first started meeting with my friend, mentor, and accountability partner Karen. She calls it guarded time and encouraged me to guard time that I set aside for quiet time before the Lord. This is not an easy thing for me and when I started being accountable to her for this time, on a scale of one to ten I said I was a two. I was able to raise that to about a four, but dropped off some.

Swindoll later in that chapter asks "have you become a cluttered person within?" Now, I despise clutter! I am miserable in the midst of clutter. I like a room that is fairly simple, not a lot of stuff on the walls and lacking in knick knacks. I like decor, but simple and tasteful. Simple.

Then a paragraph later he said look in the trunk of your car, your closet and do I have to rake stuff off the passenger seat of the car when someone gets in. He made me see that clutter has worked itself into my life. I have to admit, my surroundings are cluttered and they represent my mind.

In my quest to practice "guarded time" I have been made aware that I have a problem clearing my mind. Just like I have a problem clearing material things out of the physical realm in which I live, I also have difficulty clearing a path through to solitude in my spiritual life.

I have started changing some of my habits and forcing myself to go sit on the backyard swing and be quiet. I have taken day retreats over to the lake to sit and be quiet, but I end up frustrated because I can't quiet my mind. Swindoll has helped me realize all the clutter and now I am convicted about it and need to work toward cleaning it up. Simplify simplify simplify! He says that simplicity leads to intimacy. I want to experience the next level of intimacy with my God!

I want to start with simplifying my life; decluttering my home, my car, and letting go of any obligations that are not beneficial to me or working to distract me from intimacy with God. I plan to go room by room clearing out the unnecessary stuff and once the physical world in which I live is streamlined and in order, I am hoping my mind will be calmer and settle down so I can allow God to work there and clear out the unnecessary stuff lurking there.

And like my Internet addiction, I appear to have trouble getting this done too. I am highly unmotivated to declutter my home. I want it done, but don't want to do it! LOL

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 12:42 PM

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Monday, July 06, 2009

What Am I Convicted About?

Author: Susan L. Prince

I had some prayer time on lunch hour today. I wanted to use that time to whittle down the issues that God has convicted me about. Two things:

  • Computer and Internet Addiction (this is a given I know, but this is more about how to fix the problem at this point and how to give it to God because I haven't been able to kick it on my own.)
  • Simplifying my life
Tomorrow I will use part of my day off praying about how exactly I should go about remedying the situation.

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 10:00 PM

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Conviction is Just a Word

I'm convicted.

I've been saying that a lot lately.

Saying it and doing something about it are two entirely different things. I haven't done much to change what behaviors I say I'm convicted about.

Having been spending more time studying God's word and using some "helps" books, praying considerably more these days than I have for years, and also spending more time absorbing the words of teachers, mentors and friends in the faith have pointed out some areas of opportunity for me to change some things.

Conviction is not a bad thing, in fact, it is a very good thing because it is something God uses as He draws me unto Himself. He is jealous for me to know Him intimately and when something is possibly hindering my relationship with Him, He implants something into my heart, my soul, that helps me to see that there is something standing in the way. He is ready and willing to help me remove it so I have complete access to Him, but for whatever reason, I am sometimes reluctant.

It really is a stupid thing, to be reluctant to change something that will benefit me. Why do we do that? Why do humans do this?

I think what I need to do is take some time to pray about these things I have been convicted about recently and ask God how to go about correcting some of the issues. He is kind and gentle, merciful. He wants me to get rid of this stuff that is coming between us so I know that He will help me. Actually, the issue is not so much how to go about getting rid of the issues, it is having the strength and determination to do it. He'll help me with that too!

Conviction has a purpose, but we need to choose to do something about it. Without action, conviction is just a word.

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 9:18 AM

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Monday, June 29, 2009

Somebody, Please, Smack Me Upside the Head

In my last three posts I shared with you what God revealed to me about my sin of failing to submit to spiritual authority. I shared some of the consequences of rejecting those in authority over me and how freeing it is to submit and how important it is to heed the instruction of those God has placed over you. Today I want to share some of the things in my life that brought me to the point that I recognized my sin and was finally able to do something about it. I want to share because I think it will highlight the way God works in our lives, through His Church, the Body of Christ, His Word, and through circumstances.

It is hard to know exactly where to start, but I will start at the point that I realized that I was in a spiritual desert. You can read more about that here and/or here. I heard a message (Jim Mindling of Open Door Christian Church in Elyria, OH) one day that opened my eyes to the fact that I was in a dry place spiritually and that I was in that desert place for a reason. Up until that point, I just felt like a failure in my Christian walk because I was so stuck and felt useless in the Kingdom. Here is one of the first places that God started using people in my life to bring me up out of the desert.

My friend Debbie, who was the person who originally shared the gospel with me, told me one day in early summer of 2007 that she had heard a message and that message was for me. She felt it would speak into my life and help me with the place I was in spiritually. She had no idea how life changing hearing that message would be, so I chalk it up to the providence of God.

At the same time I heard that message and was pondering it, our church began a summer series in our SaLT groups that explored how small groups should look and what their purpose within our churches should be. That study impacted me because it forced me to see how I was not transparent with the people in my group. Small groups within our churches should promote and foster deep meaningful relationships amongst believers and if I am not sharing about where I am spiritually, how are the people I surround myself supposed to know how to pray for me, or how to help me?

I really took that study seriously and it also made me consider another message I had heard earlier in 2007 about "doing life together". I started thinking about how I had been in the same SaLT group for years, but didn't feel intimately connected with anyone in it. I wasn't sharing life with anybody, I was meeting with them weekly studying God's Word, but not living it out. I was not experiencing any type of spiritual connection and thus was missing the point of "Sharing and Learning Truth" or "Serving and Learning Together" or "Sharing and Learning Together" or whatever SaLT stands for! I became acutely aware that as Christians we do need to be intentional about reaching out to our brothers and sisters in Christ, carrying one another's burdens, praying with one another, confessing our sins to one another and learning to love God together. We weren't meant to do it on our own. So, one day in a SummerSaLT gathering I confessed I was in a spiritual desert and that it was sad that people in my group may have had no idea.

I am introverted and so for me to reach out to people takes some extra effort on my part and requires me to really step out of my comfort zone. I made a conscious decision to go to a woman in my group that I felt would be good mentor because of her spiritual maturity and also for the fact that she seemed to be affected by the study of what a small group should be as well. It seemed we both were desiring to experience "doing life together". What is interesting to note here is that for years my friend Katie felt that Karen would be a good match for me in that sense and so through Katie's urging, I went to Karen. We both prayed about it and a connection was formed. We began to meet for prayer, study and fellowship consistently every couple of weeks and have been doing so ever since. It has enriched my life tremendously!

Many months later, in January of 2008, God placed another person in my life. Again, armed with my readiness to step out of my comfort zone of introvertedness and "do life together" I went out on a limb and contacted a person whom I had only had limited "conversation" with online. When we met we immediately hit it off and a year and a half later we are close friends. What has been so special to me about the relationship with my friend Ellen, is that there is a comfortableness in sharing. Also, because she was just getting to know me and came to my life with an unpredjudiced view of who I am, she was able to see things in it that I never had before. She helped me to see things that needed some attention and encouraged me to see things with a different perspective. She was very patient with me as I have stumbled through this past year! LOL

Last May I took my first steps out of the spiritual desert I was stranded in for so long. For the first time in years I was experiencing a newness with God again. I was feeling His Presence in my life. I could pray again! With a renewed sensitivity to the Spirit of the Living God, I was about to go through some spiritual struggles that would eventually lead me into a place of revelation, confession, repentance and growth.

My friend Katie has also been instrumental throughout my spiritual struggle in the desert and loved me unconditionally through it all. She has always been a source of comfort in that way and has put up with a lot of the consequences of my being there. She dealt with my critical spirit, skeptism, doubt, short-temper, and all other things associated with not being in right relationship with God. She has also adjusted to me as I've been growing in the emergence of a new spiritual place in my life. Believe me, it hasn't been easy.

For years I placed the blame on my lack of spiritual growth on various things like other people, broken things in my house, finances not being where I'd like them, studying too much brainiac stuff at church and not paying attention to heart conditions, but never did I look to myself. The people God put in my life, Katie, Karen, Ellen, as well as many at Northbrook Church, by praying for me and helping me see certain things finally broke through.

Finally I got the smack upside the head I needed and went to counsel with a pastor. (Some of that I shared about in previous posts so I won't go back there with this post. ) When I think back to first being told to listen to a message about being in a spiritual desert and then watching how God orchestrated events, circumstances and people all around me to gently prompt me out of the desert and into His oasis, I'm in awe. It bloggles the mind! He was gentle and merciful through this whole process and to Him belongs the glory!

I've learned so much through this experience, and one main thing I hope to always remember is to listen to the people God has placed in my life. Not everybody is matter of fact and gets to the point right away and some Godly wisdom and insight was shared with me but I was too blind, or stubborn, to see it. I hope that I have learned to be more attentive to the words people speak to me. I am praying that it won't take someone smacking me upside the head to point out my sin, but if it does, I pray that God puts that person, or people, there with the conviction to do it. I sure am thankful that He did this time.

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 9:14 AM

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Thursday, June 25, 2009

Identify the Enemy and Win (Part II)

In part one of this blog I shared how God spoke to me through creation and how I prayed for Him to show me the truth about my life and bring any lies into the light. He did and still is….

Later that night, He showed me who the real enemy was and how I had been deceived for years. The battle was not between me and others. The "others" were on my side and the enemy was disguised as my advocate. I saw those who loved me as though they were out to destroy me and the one who sought to destroy me as my friend. I had been going through a time of heavy oppression and I didn't even know it! I was deceived into rebellion, isolation, loneliness, and heartbreak. What should have been a place I could run to for rest had become a polluted waste. It was a slow fade that happened without my detection over a long period of time.

This was the great awakening that brought me to the other side of a long and difficult battle for freedom. It brought me to my knees in repentance and I let it all go. I handed it over to the only One who could carry my load…finally. God shined His light in the darkness, helping me to discern the truth from the lies. Now, with His help, I am cleaning up the mess and rebuilding from the ruins. Since that night of revelation, I have learned so much more and I am continuing to learn. That night, the scales fell from my eyes. I was able to identify the true enemy and it brought victory to a long and seemingly hopeless battle.

Since then, there has been a well spring of joy flooding up and out of me! I am able to love those I once saw as my enemies..and see how much they have been loving me. Even better, I have put my dependence on God because I have realized that it is humanly impossible for people to fill me with joy. Circumstances cannot bring me joy. These things can bring moments of happiness but not lasting joy rooted deep within. My joy can only come from the Holy Spirit of God.

Often we blame others and circumstances for the darkness we experience when really, we only need to take a closer look at the pollution we have allowed to seep within our own heart. God opened my eyes and brought His light into the darkness. He has exposed the pollution and cleaned the mess I made. What is even more amazing is that even when my heart was filthy...He did not leave. He sat in the midst of it all and waited for me to meet Him there...just like I left the peninsula at first, but was drawn to go back and seek Him in the midst of it all…and that is where I found Him. He is still changing me, growing me, and purifying me with His righteousness more and more every day. He is creating in me a clean heart and renewing a steadfast spirit within me daily (Psalm 51:10 NIV).

This isn't much different than when God's people in Ezra turned from God and intermarried with those who would pollute their lives and turn them from God. It isn't much different than when Eve was deceived in the Garden of Eden. The same enemy who lived then still roams the earth seeking whom He will devour (I Peter 5:8). But when God's people humble themselves and pray and seek His face and turn from their wicked ways, He will hear from Heaven, forgive their sin and heal their land (2 Chron. 7:14). He is a God of new beginnings, of forgiveness and of love. He alone is the source of pure joy everlasting. I once again have placed my hope in God and God alone. He has made me clean. Now I can grow.

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Posted by Katie at 9:50 PM

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Identify the Enemy and Win (Part I)

Ezra 9:10-11
"But now, O our God, what can we say after this? For we have disregarded the commands you gave through your servants and prophets when you said: 'The land you are entering to possess is a land polluted by the corruption of its peoples. by their detestable practices they have filled it with their impurity from one end to the other.'"

Who would ever think that I might actually receive revelation from the book of Ezra? This just goes to show that God's Word is truly alive and we have fellowship with Him when we study His Truth and are obedient to what we learn.

A good friend and colleague said something to me recently that changed my life. It was in regards to the spiritual battle I have been fighting. He told me, "The battle is fought in prayer". Jesus didn't win the battle on the cross, the battle was already won by then. He won the battle in the garden when He prayed. This was a defining moment for me. I went home that night and surrendered to pray fervently until I reached the promised land of peace.

My prayers began turning up the heat and the battle was becoming almost unbearable. Finally, one day, I took a day trip with Sue to go back to Pickwick, a place where we once found peace and joy in God's presence. My heart was broken and I felt like I was about to go under. God seemed so far away. Looking back, I do believe God brought us there that day.

I fought the idea of going on this trip. I was too depressed. But, she talked me into it. In previous visits to this place, I had experienced so much joy and growth. But, this time, unknown to me, it was not going to be what I expected. My heart was heavy on this particular day. I felt as if life had beaten me to a pulp and I was running out of strength to go on. I needed strength that only God could give.

We arrived at our favorite place on the peninsula to great disappointment. We began to make our way to the very end where many years ago, we would relax and enjoy the beauty of God's creation. As we made our way there, we began no notice a stench in the air. As we continued to walk, we found the source of the stench. First we observed a few feathers, then more and more as we continued on further (hoping things would improve). Sue commented that it looked like there was some kind of bird fight. It wasn't long before we had to turn around and go back. The area had been saturated with carcasses of dead animals, fish, and pollution. Our favorite spot had been severely neglected.

From a distance it still looked beautiful. But as we took a deeper look, we began to see the filth and it was truly disgusting. We moved to a different area where it was nicer but I was drawn to go back and see if God was trying to tell me something in all of it.

I walked along the shore to avoid the worst, made my way to the very end of the peninsula, sat on a rock and watched the waves roll in. I spent a very long time contemplating and praying about the things I was struggling with. My surroundings began to paint a picture of my life. I had no idea how God was about to move. He always speaks to me through His creation and I knew He had a message for me. So, I began to pray and ask Him what He wanted me to learn from this experience.

He began with calling my attention again to the fact that once this place was once a beautiful place to find rest and peace. But neglect and carelessness transformed it into a polluted mess. Beneath all of that waste, however, there was still a beautiful place. It only needed some tender, loving care and attention to restore it to what it was before. It was then that I began to take a deeper look at a polluted mess within...the place in my heart where once I would run to and meet with God. I had let so many things in life pollute that place. I unknowingly carried baggage that was so old and it "smelled" as bad as the peninsula. I had let co-dependency, pride, selfishness, envy, and insecurity, create a mess not much unlike that which I was observing around me. This was the reason for my darkness...not people or circumstances. I had let circumstances determine my peace. I had been looking to people for joy, thinking that because God wasn't flesh, that He could not fill that need. When in reality, it's because he is not flesh that he can! I spent hours with God and very little time with Sue that day at the river. I prayed. I cried. I cried hard. I asked for wisdom. Eventually, I asked Him to show me the truth and bring darkness to light, no matter how painful it might be. This was the beginning of victory and the path that would lead me to joy.

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Posted by Katie at 4:43 PM

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A Little Something I've Learned About Spiritual Authority (Part III)

For years the message I was getting from leadership that warned me about a possible co-dependency issue was always there in the back of my brain no matter how I tried to dismiss it. I don't want to give the impression that they were hounding me or constantly "holding me accountable" or anything like that. Quite the contrary; they said it and I rejected it. I rejected their belief that I was in bondage to a co-dependent relationship, and basically that was it. They just kept on loving me, edifying me, encouraging me and helping me when I needed help. They are spiritually minded enough to understand that I simply wasn't ready to receive their instruction and were willing to wait until I was.

Over the years I had been growing more discontent with the state of my life and a lot of it had to deal with my idea of what "dying to self" meant. This is where my co-dependency issue and spiritual immaturity collided and led to my sin of rebellion and failure to submit to authority.

Followers of the Sisters' Weblog know that since 2001 I have been sharing a home with Katie and her two children. It takes a lot of sacrifice and work to be successful in any family and/or framily (the term we coined to describe the bringing together of friends + family), and for that matter any relationship, and I got this idea in my head that I was dying to self in all of it. I sacrificed a lot of time, energy and finances. I began to be torn about it because I believe Christians are called to die to self and we are always to put others' before ourselves but to what end? I really began to struggle because I started to wonder if I had overstepped my boundaries? Had a given until it hurts? And beyond? I started to beat myself up over all of these questions and more. This was very detrimental to my spiritual life and it was all so very confusing.

Here is where the problem was with me; I basically took over and controlled everything in the framily when it came to day to day stuff, finances and "fixing things" to the point where it became such a bondage. I got tired of "having to do everything", but that's just it, I didn't have to do everything! I wanted to do everything and wouldn't let others do anything. Like a control freak! I began to carry burdens that were not mine. I carried them until they weighed me down to the point I was crushed and became useless.

I didn't conscientiously make the decision to do this, but it is what gradually started to happen to the point where I was getting so frustrated and worn out, even became resentful. Please understand that I am not placing any blame on any other party, this is totally on me and my issue with needing to help other people to the point it becomes destructive to me, and to them.

Another aspect is that I want to make others' happy. I will constantly do things so other people benefit, even if it is to my detriment. People don't even have to ask me for help, I just offer it and do it. This can become a problem because I will allow myself to be put in situations that I always feel a “need" to yield to another person's wants or needs. After awhile this starts to get to me because I start thinking "Hey! What about me?" and then I struggle because I should not have thoughts like that when I should be dying to self. This is so difficult for me to explain, but the main point is, I have an unhealthy need to make others happy and justify it by saying "I'm dying to self". The problem is then amplified because I am "dying to self" outside of the will of God. Anything I do outside of God's will is my will, and there is no dying to self in that at all. This would include not being obedient to spiritual authority.

My spiritual leaders saw this destructive behavior, as well as some other things that were destructive to me spiritually, and lovingly over the years tried to help me see it. They had insight into that which I could not see.

When things got to the point where I just couldn't handle it anymore, I had a friend who said to me one day "If you had obeyed years ago ... it may not have gotten this bad." Those words really struck a chord in me. It's not that I didn't know it, but she forced me to admit it to myself. She encouraged me to trust my pastor and other leaders and trust that God can give them insight into my life spiritually. I took a step of faith and as a result I have learned to trust them in order for them to speak truth to me, help me to see areas of weakness and help me to overcome any bondages associated with them.

My pastor lovingly pointed out to me when I finally was willing to submit to spiritual authority, wouldn't have yielding to leadership have been dying to self? It was easier to do what you wanted to do than to do what we were trying to help you see needed done. BAM! That was a true moment of enlightenment to me about dying to self. He was right. All along I was doing what I wanted to do and the end result was very destructive.

I also repented to him and told him I realize that I had not submitted to his spiritual authority over my life. I didn't get an "I told you so", what I got instead was a life affirming "I love this!"

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 3:06 PM

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A Little Something I've Learned About Spiritual Authority (Part II)

I mentioned in the last post that there were people around me, including some leaders in my church, who on occasion "hinted" to me that I may have an issue with co-dependency. I never really took that warning seriously and in fact was able to shrug it off without much effort, even to the point where I denied a problem and would say "they don't know what they are talking about", "I am responsible for my own life"or "they don't know my life, how can they know anything?".

Hindsight is 20/20 and as I look back over the years I can actually start to see why I ended up in a spiritual depression. Even as I was in it, I was blaming my presence there on various things including discontentment with my life and job, and studying so much theology that my brain was packed and my heart was empty. But, now I see exactly what it was! It was the thing that separates us from the love of God. It was sin.

My sin was rebellion. I rebelled against the spiritual authority in my life. I absolutely refused to submit to them. Much of this was done out of ignorance, but ignorance is never a defense, and it was also out of a lack of trust not only in my leaders, but obviously in my lack of trust in God. I didn't trust His anointed. That is never good!

Hebrews 13:17 tells me to obey my spiritual leaders. I Timothy 5:17-18 reminds me that elders are to be honored. I Peter 5:2-3 tells elders they are to guide the local church by setting its vision and direction, and in that to lead the members individually and collectively into productivity. A spiritual leader called by God is obviously entrusted by God with an awesome responsibility that He divinely equips them to do. Who am I to say that they don't know what they are talking about?

God put me into a body of believers and in that body are leaders that God has anointed. These people have been given a responsibility to watch over my spiritual well being and when I resist that, I am not allowing them to speak truth into my life. I am not allowing God to speak truth into my life! When you don't allow God to speak into your life --- you end up in a dry, dark and lonely desert wondering why you don't hear from God. No wonder!

None of this revelation was made known to me in an instant. It took months of working through it in prayer and with the help of intervention from other believers. I guess I'm going into a Part III which will delve a bit into the process of how all this was revealed to me, what all I have learned, and how it has affected me.

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 11:25 AM

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A Little Something I've Learned About Spiritual Authority

For those of you who faithfully follow the Sisters' Weblog, I feel I must apologize for the lack of posting for the better part of a year now. There are reasons for the lack of posting, but most of them revolve around the fact that for the past year and a half to two years, I have been enduring a spiritual growth spurt. A lot of the learning I have acquired has required me to think and contemplate, meditate, pray, and maybe not announce everything I have experienced to the entire world through the blog. Also, during this season of growth I have thought things and I have said and done things that were less than pleasing to the Lord. I must tell the reader as well that I want what I share to edify and not tear down. It has been a difficult season to be sure, but as God would have it, He has and is using it for His purpose and to grow me more into the likeness of His Son.

A little over a year ago I emerged from a spiritual desert and with somewhat new eyes I have been more aware of His Presence in my life and how He is working in it. With a renewed sense of purpose and understanding I stepped out of the darkness of the desert and into the Light which exposed some things that I never saw before in myself. It exposed weaknesses and sin.

While there are multiple things I learned about myself in my Christian walk over the course of this past year or so, I have narrowed this post down to the one major breakthrough and that is what I learned about yielding to spiritual authority.

Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you. (Hebrews 13:17)
For many years I have had those in authority over me telling me, or rather inferring to me, that I have a co-dependent relationship.

I balked at that. For years. But, what I didn't realize is that my pastor and leaders in my church had insight spiritually that I did not have.

So, what was my sin in all this? My sins were many, but the biggest was that I didn't recognize my leaders as spiritual authority over me, therefore I rebelled and didn't submit them. I was spiritually blind.

This post is starting to get rather long and I do want to get into how exactly the revelation of these things came to be understood, so I will consider this Part I, next to come in Part II is some of how I began to see that when I am spiritually blinded, others' may have insight into my life that I just can't see.

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 8:34 AM

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Sunday, May 03, 2009

A Spiritual Retreat to Natchez Trace

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 12:04 AM

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Wednesday, April 15, 2009

What Is My Alternative?

As Katie and I make our way through Beth Moore's "Esther: It's Tough Being a Woman" study, we often take time out to evaluate what we are learning and how the spiritual principles may be applied to our individual lives. Yesterday was a quite convicting lesson, at least for me.

In the lesson of Week 5 Day 5 we examined the behavior of Zeresh, Haman's wife, and how she endeavored to get rid of Haman's little problem called Mordecai. Moore's point was that often we get so sick of dealing with the drama of a loved one's life, that sometimes we basically want to take matters into our own hands, deal with it in what ever way possible that would end the drama quickly and efficiently.

Toward the end of the lesson there were five questions that we were to answer with a "yes" or a "no". These are the questions:

  • Do I have a low tolerance for the discomforts and upsets of those around me?
  • Do I feel pressured to come up with solutions to a loved one's persisting problems?
  • Do I ever grow weary enough of my loved one's problem that I could be tempted to give advice normally uncharacteristic of me?
  • Do I tend to get inordinately wrapped up in my loved one's conflicts with people and develop strong feelings like jealously, resentment, or hatred toward their opponent?
  • Do I tend to take a quick trip from passionate to irrational?
So, I answered them all and read the very next statement:
If you answered any of the above questions with "yes", what is your alternative?
Ok, that was NOT what I was expecting. Immediately I was so convicted of wrong attitudes. I mean the love and concern I have for my loved ones is genuine, but the way it controls me and causes me to behave when trouble comes, is totally inappropriate as the lesson made that undeniably clear.

I answered four of the five questions "yes".

For a person gifted with wisdom, my love while strong and good, surely has not always been reflected wisely. This is something that needs to change. And now.

It was difficult to look in the mirror at myself today, but thank God I was forced to.

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 9:39 PM

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Saturday, April 11, 2009

Trampoline Bible Study

Katie and I spent the afternoon on the trampoline out in the backyard. We enjoyed that time under the trees that recently have just burst out into springtime green. We noticed a robin in the dogwood tree sitting on the eggs in her nest there and got a decent picture of that.

We did our Esther study by Beth Moore on the trampoline today and really enjoyed immersing ourselves in the Word and enjoying our time with one another on this beautiful day.

God is good!



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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 5:49 PM

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Thursday, April 02, 2009

Look What God has Done! Part 3...The Rest of the Story?

In my previous posts I have shared a journey from brokenness to restoration, from devastation to wholeness, from ashes to beauty. Here is the final post....

Three days ago, I completed my bachelor's degree at the top of my class and received an achievement award and a leadership award. I am not saying these things to brag on myself (okay, well, maybe just a little). However, this has only bee possible because of God's provision along with hard work and the sacrifice of many. He provided my best friend who has sacrificed more than I can ever repay. He provided my church, other good friends and mentors who have helped me through difficult times emotionally, spiritually, and financially.

Ten years ago my life was in utter destruction. Today, I am about to have a brand new beginning once again. This time however, my life is moving from glory to glory. I am a new person with a new family (so to speak). I have grown so much in my walk with Him, as a woman, homemaker, provider, and a mom. I have watched my kids grow into beautiful young adults.

Now, I am undergoing a crisis of belief as God is once again stretching me. He is taking me out of my comfort zone. It's time for me to dive in like Sue did years ago. I can only hope she has been half as blessed as I have been over the last 10 years...in spite of all the very difficult trials that had to be endured (some of them actually even appear funny looking back).

Now God is moving again. He is calling me and my daughter away from the place I have called home for the last decade..and from the state that has been my home for more than 25 years. This time He is calling me to the very same people who stepped in and took my kids every other weekend when they were small (to model a Christian marriage/family and to give mom a day off). This family has shared Thanksgiving dinner with us almost every year for the last 9 years. Our kids became best friends. Now, they have invited me and my daughter to temporarily reside with them in Atlanta as they assist us in gaining complete independence.

This is very frightening to me and a huge leap of faith. It is a very difficult move as I am happy in my current place of residence with my best friend for life. I will miss so much and my heart breaks at the thought of leaving. But, I must follow God's lead. If I have learned anything over the years, I have learned that God's way is truly best and when I try to do it my way...I get in a mess!

So, in summary...I started from a life of dysfunction, co-dependence, feelings of worthlessness, ignorance, and brokenness. I had two children who had no hope for a future the way things were going. God made it possible for me to raise those 2 children to be strong, healthy young adults (in spite of being a single mom with little education). He has taught me how to be a good mother (by surrounding me with healthy, strong, Godly people and sending my son strong male role models to provide the masculine influence that I couldn't). He has given me opportunities to be a minister to those who's shoes I once walked in. He has given me the opportunity to graduate from college (and I am not finished yet by the way...there has been talk of seminary in Atlanta). He has given my kids opportunities beyond anything they could have been afforded apart from Him. More and more I am beginning to stand on my own two feet financially and in every other way. He has humbled me. He has grown me deeper in my walk with Him. He has given me vision. He has given me and my family beauty from the ashes. Has worked everything out for good for my framily that loves Him and is called according to His purpose. He has given us a new life. He has given us esteem. He has given us dignity and worth in Him. Look what God has done!

The price was heavy. There were times of deep suffering and despair...all for His glory and I praise Him! And the story is still being written!

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Posted by Katie at 7:59 PM

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Look What God has Done! Part 2

In the first portion of this blog, I shared about how God sent me my best friend and Sister in Christ to help me rebuild a lifetime of destruction....Now, as the late Paul Harvey would say...I bring you...."The rest of the story"

.....I tried working in hopes to get my mind off of the brokenness I was suffering and have an income to help pay the bills. It was a nightmare. I was unable to come out ahead after paying the sitter and gas. I couldn't find a good babysitter and there was always trouble. I could only work part-time and make minimum wage. I started on Welfare and medicaid. I was very dependent on others to help me in so many ways because I was unable to help myself. God provided.

When child support seemed to be coming in regularly, God opened the door for me to attend college full time. I received my associate's degree with honors in 2004. I began working part-time again because my kids still needed me at home. I also kept the house running full-time while running around to church activities, camps, soccer practices, play practices, basketball practices, PTA meetings, and so much more. All of this running around and involvement with my kids was possible because my best friend believed that my kids needed their mom and did everything she could to help.

I volunteered with a local abuse recovery program for almost 5 years and ended up with a few surprising public speaking engagements as a result. God used me so unexpectedly and has brought so many into my life who's shoes I have worn out myself in the past. I know their pain. I understand their struggle and what they need more than anything is for somebody to understand...and offer them hope. I can do that now.

After getting my first degree, I decided I wanted to explore some culture. When I was in school I began painting. It came so easy. I never knew I had it in me. Shortly after that I was getting paid to paint murals in a local school. I also became active in community theater, landing a couple of decent roles in musicals. All along, Sue had begun playing in the symphony and I had my first experience with that as a guest of the orchestra! I also ended up seated at the table with a state representative! Oh the pleasures I have been indulged with...the plunder...that my loving Father just gave me. It all belongs to Him!

With each passing year, God has chosen a particular area, a focus in my life to stretch and grow me and my framily. Through all of it He was also growing Sue by leaps and bounds as well (and I promise you..it did not come easy)! There were so many dark times...times of utter hopelessness and despair. So many people with opinions tearing us down at every turn. But we continued to trudge through. Sue stuck with us through the worst of times....determined to see us grow.

In 2007, God called the kids and I on our first overseas mission trip. He provided for us to go and have the experience of a lifetime in Albania! I always knew I was called to missions...but my whole family? That in itself is another blog entirely! We got to minister in prisons and in neighborhoods; and ministries continue to grow from our time there. There are people and faces from that trip that I will never forget.

In the fall of 2007, I got my first full-time position and began going to school again. I was able to secure medical insurance and get off of government assistance. Shortly after I began working on my bachelor's degree, I fell into a great opportunity to do what I had always wanted to do. I began working as a ministry assistant in a local church. It was a step up from where I had been..towards the place where God is still taking me.

In 2008, My son graduated from High School, a strong Christian young man who received a standing ovation at his graduation for enlisting to serve our country. In December of 2008, he graduated Navy boot camp as the head of his division. His title: Recruit Petty Officer in Charge. There are no words to describe the pride and thankfulness that overwhelmed me in that moment!

My daughter is currently a lifeguard part-time. She has had the opportunity to save a life...and even rescue a few triathlon victims! Oh the stories she can tell! I am such a proud mom! She is a hard worker. She is an excellent college bound student getting excellent grades in advanced classes. This is all because of God's provision for both of my kids to attend a good Christian school...when it should not have been possible. He provided Sue, my church family, a job for me, and scholarships for my kids. It is a miracle that has taken place for 4 years now.

Read about the latest news in my nest and final post on what God has done.

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Posted by Katie at 7:37 PM

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Look What God has Done!

Almost 10 years ago I met my current best friend. She had just become a Christian (April 4, 1999). I was about to celebrate my 10th wedding anniversary...the date that I sent out a prayer request all over the World Wide Web. I was about to learn that God's thoughts and ways are not like mine.

During this time, my life was a dysfunctional mess. I was very co-dependent and living an an abusive environment. I was a stay-at-home mom with two young children, trying to figure out how I would ever escape the muck and mire of a dysfunctional life.

A newborn Christian named Sue responded to my desperate internet plea for my situation. She began to carry a burden for my family that she still carries even today. God made a heart connection that day that began her walk with a BIG BANG! Shortly thereafter, he began to lay it on Sue's heart to move to TN so He could use her in a decade of stretching, molding, and growing for both of us that, at times has been extremely painful to endure.

The marriage did not survive as Sue and I thought it would. We thought that God brought Sue here to help win my husband to Christ and therefore restore my marriage. It seemed logical. But my spouse's heart was hard against God. Instead, of seeing restoration, Sue ended up sacrificing her life to missions...a mission from God to help me rebuild places long devastated. Sue stepped in, willing to suffer with me, the consequences of my bad choices...to help me turn my life around...and so it has...completely.

When we met, although I was so happy in our friendship, I was a dysfunctional broken mess from a lifetime of wrong living and following poor examples. I had been a Christian and attended church faithfully and actively for most of my marriage. But, I was so naive...so broken and beaten down. I had only a high school diploma, no understanding of right living, no work experience for over a decade and two children to nurture, with little constructive guidance on parenting.

Although the divorce left a huge mark of failure for a very long time, God began restoring me right from the start. First, He provided us with a home. Sue and I and the kids moved in together and thus the word Framily was born (friend + family).

Read more about this in my next post.

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Posted by Katie at 6:21 PM

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Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Feed the Spirit...Starve the Flesh

"Feed the Spirit not the flesh...feed the Spirit not the flesh!!!!" Makes me think of a scene in the Muppet Christmas Carol....oh, I'm digressing before I even begin! Seriously.....

Sometimes I beat myself up because of the selfishness that I seem to have little control over. I can have an awesome day in the Lord, great Bible study, intimate prayer, deep revelation. He can convict me, restore me, and lift me to the highest heights...and it only takes one incident, one moment, one injustice and all that spiritual food I just digested begins to sour in my stomach as the flesh starts taking over. It is so easy to forget the beauty of the moment. So easy to get sidetracked...so easy to start focusing on what I want instead of what God wants for me.

I try to focus on scriptures that tell me to focus on what is good, and lovely...and I resent the very words that will heal. This is the battlefield for my mind...every minute..every day.

Life has a way of feeding the flesh. People say things that hurt, finances crumble, relationships die. I place my worth in what others think and say and forget that God's esteem is so much more rewarding and lasting. My deeds will never earn the respect of others. No matter how much I do or say, I will never measure up. People will always complain, find fault, and point out flaws. As I struggle to please people, I l exhaust myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually until I am bankrupt...and still I am criticized. That's just human nature. It's what people do..even the nicest people do this! I do this to other people! So, why do people seek the esteem of others when all we have to do to receive God's esteem is to desire it with all our heart?

I only have to truly seek to please my God with all my heart. I don't have to perfect pleasing God...I only have to seek His esteem over others...and in that alone He will be pleased. In that alone He honors. What? Being honored by God? Isn't it supposed to be the other way around...well, that's just the kind of God He is! That in itself is a reward beyond measure...a freedom that has no boundaries...yet it is so difficult to do. Why?

Is it because it requires faith like a child? My sister read something to me last night that I have pondered over and over. As we mature in the flesh, we become more dependent on ourselves. As we mature in the Spirit...we become less dependent on ourselves and more dependent on God. We begin to realize just how helpless we really are apart from Him. I must be maturing because I am realizing more and more every day how little I can do apart from Him (umm His Word says that I can do nothing)....and I am discovering more and more how much I need Him..His words...constantly planted and deeply rooted in my heart, soul, and mind..feeding my Spirit and starving my flesh! That is where my strength comes from. That is how I will grow. It can't be in spurts...it has to be constant..when I wake up, when I lie down, when I eat, sleep, drink, sleep, drive, work, visit with friends, talk on the phone...

When I am not feeding the Spirit...I am not starving the flesh...so I must never stop feeding my Spirit. I know it and it's obvious in my actions, conversation, and thoughts when I am starving my Spirit and feeding my flesh.

I can't feed the flesh and be satisfied...anymore than I can make every person like me all the time. But I need only hunger for Christ and his esteem to be satisfied beyond measure.

So, why should it ever be a battle? Because I do not have to seek evil...it seeks me out. And, although God is there, sometimes He does not make His presence obvious because He wants us to seek Him out....and if I seek Him with all my heart...I do find Him..and I am filled. He hears my cries and He answers. Then, I have to stay focused (I can't even do that apart from a miracle). If I just glance away for one moment...I find myself feeding the flesh yet again.

This is my confession. This is the battle of every single God fearing human being. Read about it in the Word of God. Read about Daniel, Noah, Moses, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Sarah, Esther, Job, David, Peter, Paul.....God's prophets and apostles were not even exempt from being human.

This is the greatest thing because....Christ died. He took our punishment so therefore...there is no more condemnation...NO GUILT! NO SHAME! Nosireeebob! He took all that.

The only thing God wants for us to have about our mess ups is conviction and repentence...anything else is not from Him. Christ absorbed that on the Cross. Wow, talk about injustice. Okay...I'm starting to ramble...so what?

So, I mess up! So, maybe I talked too much or too loud. Maybe I say dingy things sometimes, maybe I do dumb things...alot! Maybe I gossip, and maybe I hurt people...maybe I get convicted..maybe I will repent...maybe I do desire to please God and maybe I want His esteem more than any other..maybe I don't...maybe I will grow deeper in Him with every forgiven mistake...and maybe I'll have to start all over again tomorrow...Thank God His mercies are new EVERY morning and His love for me never changes...He will never love me more than yesterday or less than tomorrow. He will never love me less than He did from the Cross, or when He was creating the Earth...or than in this very moment. He loves me perfectly...always has...and always will...and I can only love that way when I feed the Spirit and starve the flesh.

Oh God...make me hunger to please You. When my heart is focused on what people think about me, it is not seeking to please you...I am feeding my flesh.

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Posted by Katie at 6:09 PM

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Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Spring Survives!!!!

This morning, as I drove into work, I was taken aback by the beautiful spring scenery before me. The trees’ blossoms resembled the snow that covered their barren limbs just a week ago! It’s hard to believe that everything was under a frozen blanket so recently and still spring is bursting forth right on schedule as usual! (I don’t know about you, but I find that pretty exciting!)

While I was absorbing the beauty of the morning, my thoughts were drawn to one solitary buttercup that had blossomed by my front porch for the first time this year. After several days of frigid temperatures, and being buried under a blanket of snow, I recalled glancing the flower just yesterday, still alive and just as beautiful as if the cold and snow never happened. As I marveled about this, my mind was directed to Matthew 6:25-30:

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet, I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how god clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?”

I often find myself losing sleep worrying over things that I should be trusting God to deal with. When it finally becomes overwhelming, as a last resort, I fall to my knees (when it should have been my first instinct). Philippians 4:6-7 tells us to make our requests known to God and then peace will settle our hearts and minds in Christ. It is only after I have laid my burdens before Him that I find peace and rest. We are in such a time of economic and social crisis in our world. It is likely that even the strongest in faith will be tempted to worry. Let the words of God be a constant reminder in these difficult times; to fall down before our Savior and let Him carry the weight of your burden because his burden is light (Matt. 11:30).

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Posted by Katie at 9:53 AM

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Friday, March 06, 2009

Guilt Free Prayer

I read a section called Lament in Yancey's book "Prayer" last night that was profound, well, at least to me.

"A dead-end marriage that seems to offer no way out. A surly teenager who saps the family finances and shows resentment, not appreciation...Global terrorism, a national election that goes the wrong way. A bitter and divided church. A parent with dementia. Each of these circumstances rightly calls for prayers of lament." (I could add a few things to this list that affect me personally, just like you the reader could I'm sure.)
I just always feel guilty praying about things like that, like I'm complaining and/or ticked off, which are things I, a Christ follower, should not be. I'm supposed to be grateful for all my blessings, instead, all I see sometimes is the negative, everything that is going wrong and how life isn't fair. He went on to say:
"Robertson McQuilkin, as patient a man as I know, confessed the temptation to scream at, even slap, his Alzheimer's-afflicted wife when irritation reached a certain level."
I KNOW THAT IRRITATION LEVEL! I feel like I live there almost daily for at least part of the day anyway!
Prayer offers a better alternative, just as the psalms' fierce prayers against enemies offer a better alternative than personal revenge. We need feel no guilt over such prayers of frustration, for God welcomes them."
I tried to pray guilt free last night. I didn't come natural at all.
"When I struggle with guilt, I find that inner conversation revolving around myself: attempt to rationalize or explain away my behavior, resentment against others who caused it, feelings of self-pity and remorse. Only confession can clear away that self-absorption and open my spirit to God's soft voice."
The confession part is big. Possibly where I'm stuck. Which leads to guilt. That Yancey dude wrote down MY thinking! LOL

What I read last night just kept swirling and swirling in my head all night and is still there this morning. I shall ponder it awhile longer.

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 11:14 AM

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Tuesday, March 03, 2009

In Not Of

"...for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world." (John 17:14)
"They are not of the world, even as I am not of it." (John 17:16)
Christians are not of this world. We are to live a life that is holy, or "set apart", and pleasing to the Lord.
"Jesus said, "My kingdom is not of this world...'" (John 18:36)
We love Jesus because He first loved us. He invited us to join Him in His Kingdom and those who chose life, who chose Jesus, are to live a life worthy of the Kingdom.
"If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world." (John 15:19)
As Christians, our lives should reflect our Kingdom values. Our lives should be "set apart", they should be holy lives.
"Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world." (1 John 2:15-16)
I've been thinking about being "in" and not "of" the world a lot recently. I've pointed the finger at myself because I realize I am so eager to throw stones. I've been examing how I'm working out my salvation.

I've been asking myself what does salvation look like? What does living a holy life look like? Does it look the same to everyone?

I believe that a Christian's life should look different than a non-Christian's life,

"A life that is totally and completely dependent on God will always look different!"

just as Jesus' life looked different to the non-believers of His day. His disciple's lives looked different too. A life that is totally and completely dependent on God will always look different! A person who loves the Lord with all his heart, soul, mind and strength, will live a life that expresses that relationship and I really don't see how it can be avoided.

I believe that if I grabbed a person off the street and had them spend the day with a non-believer, and then another whole day with a Christian, that those days would, or should, look different to the person off the street.

I consider whether my life looks different? I think some things do. Somethings, unfortunately do not. Other things, I know aren't different...especially my thought life.

What kind of things do I fill my life with that reflects the fact that I dwell in His Kingdom? There are a few different things about my life that I would say shows that I am not "of" this world. One is that I am very discerning about what music I listen to. I choose to listen to mainly Christian music, and music that carries positive messages. It's been quite awhile since I purchased anything secular. The radio is tuned to Christian music stations and mostly talk radio, but I listen mainly to my CDs which contain music that edify and glorifies God.

Television is another aspect in my Christian walk that has really changed. Basically, I haven't watched tv since 1999. I have a tv in the house, but no cable, which means we can receive one channel, the local ABC affiliate. I don't watch it. No one here really does, except now and then the news and Katie does enjoy Lost. I don't think the kids are being deprived either, at least not watching tv keeps them from being depraved!

I do watch movies, but again, I am very discerning about what I watch. I won't go to movies rated above PG-13, and I usually "screen" movies at Plugged In before going to view any. The movies I watch at home used to be Clean Films versions, until they were forced out of business. Still, we try to avoid movies that glamorize sex and/or violence, and have no redeeming value at all.

I am selective about what I read as well. Most of my reading material consists of Bible studies, theological studies and apologetics, and devotional material. Lately though, I haven't been reading enough of that stuff! I also read Discipleship Journal magazine and enjoy Reader's Digest, and other Christian magazines I subscribe to. I do read a lot of blogs too!

Then comes my finger pointing. One way I do NOT do very well with leading a holy

"As a Christian, our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit"

life is giving my body as a living sacrifice. I am not big on excercising and should probably do better taking care of this body. I need to improve in my eating habits. I consciously try to eat healthier foods, fruit instead of snickers bars, and water, instead of Coke, and did well for awhile, but do you realize how much easier it is to find a candy bar instead of fruit when you are hungry and trying to hold out until dinner? And I'm not very good with the water drinking! As a Christian, our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit and how we care for them should reflect that fact. I am very convicted.

I'm not always the tidiest person around either. I wonder sometimes if Christians should work a bit harder to maintain a clutter-free life and keep things simple. I pile things. Mail piles up all over the counter and my clothes pile up on my dresser. This is definitely an area I need to improve in and should, since I should be preparing for my mansion in paradise!

Another area of my life that is probably not serving Christ well all the time is the addiction I have to this computer and the Internet! I don't do anything "bad" on here, it is just possible that I spend too much time here and not with God. Katie keeps reprimanding me for making this an "idol". ugh. She's probably right.

I wonder sometimes what my life looks like to other people. I wonder if they can actually see that I live for God? I do believe it should be noticeable, and if it isn't, maybe I'm living too much like the world.

I am in this world, not of it. The world should "hate" me. If the world doesn't hate me, it is quite possible that I look too much like it.

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 10:36 PM

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Sunday, March 01, 2009

Louie Giglio - Laminin

I saw this video months and months ago, but watched it again today. It is just too cool to not pass on! I highly encourage you to view this for the next nine minutes, you won't be disappointed.

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 6:06 PM

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Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Are You Missing Him?

This morning I awakened feeling and all too familiar dread at facing the day. I wanted to pull the covers over my head and just stay in my warm, comfy bed. I began to pray out of convicton....
"Father, forgive me for my attitude. Please make your presence obvious to me today. Blow my mind!"
Without even realizing it in the moment, God was already blowing my mind because He responded immediately to my request with, "I make my presence obvious to you all day every day. You just don't notice."
From that moment on, my day changed. I got out of bed and decided to really pay attention to God's presence saturating every aspect of my life and it has been blowing my mind!

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Posted by Katie at 9:13 AM

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Sunday, January 25, 2009

He Came From His Mommy's Heart

Bil Keane's Family Circus Adoption Strip 1993 'We came from Mommy's tummy. But Joseph is adopted, so he came from his mommy's tummy'I think about adoption a lot. Recently there has been somewhat of an adoption explosion in and around my church which is soooooo cool.

Today, after finally getting motivated to clean, I was going through some old memorabilia and found something that I had hung on my refrigerator door for years. It is something I cut out from the newspaper in 1993 from the comic strip Family Circus by Bil Keane.

My motivation to clean ended quickly.

I treasured this strip for all those years and then lost it somewhere in all my moves. I Googled for it a couple of weeks ago and never did find the strip, but only found other people like me who cherish this thing called adoption recalling what the strip was from memory.

Well, I found my newspaper cutout of the strip and I am probably violating some copyright law by posting it. Oh well, it's a classic! I'll pull it off if need be, in the meantime, enjoy!

Romans 8:14-16 (King James Version)

"For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God.

For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.

The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God"
Ephesians 1:4-6 (King James Version)
"According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love:

Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will,

To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved."

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 3:25 PM

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Saturday, January 24, 2009

When You Have No Moral Standards

"If someone is that depressed and wants to kill himself because there is no hope of life getting better, I don't see any reason he shouldn't do it. Many times there is no hope of life improving." I paraphrased that from an interesting conversation I had with a friend one day.

The person, who I will call Louise, said the above and also says that she has an easy time accepting people for who or what they are; whatever race, color, creed, sexual orientation...it's just easy to accept people. This, I think, is very noble.

She also sees no problem letting people do whatever they want even if bad behaviors allow them to destroy themselves, like drugs and/or suicide and figures they get what they deserve. If a bad behavior such as smoking kills people, yet someone still chooses to smoke, then no one should say anything to that person. That person has made their choice and no one should say anything, ever, even if someone cares enough about them to ask them to stop. (This post only mentions smoking because it is the "catalyst" of the conversation point I will make below. It in no way excludes other life threatening behaviors including bad nutrition and gluttony of which I struggle myself!)

Then Louise told me that a friend of hers told her that it probably is easy to do because she has no moral standard by which she lives. Louise agreed.

The whole "no moral standard" is interesting to me, but that's a topic for another post.

Then Louise told me she was going outside to smoke. I said "I knew you would wimp out and not quit this New Years." She said "I'm not wimping out!" and I reminded her "remember what you said about having no moral standards makes it easy to accept people however they are? Well, what is the opposite of that?" and she expressed at first a quizzical but thoughtful look and then pondered it a moment before she confessed "I see your point".

I believe it is right to accept people how they are and lovingly help to restore them to a healthy life when they are in a destructive pattern. Whether the lifestyle they have chosen is alcohol, gambling, gluttony, sexual promiscuity, etc., we should not blindly "accept" this and say or nothing, especially with those we care about.

Christians are commanded to love. We are commanded to love fellow believers, but Jesus explained that this isn't anything special. It's easy to love people who are loveable. Jesus commands us to love our enemies. If an enemy is depressed and suicidal, we should not think like Scrooge in the Christmas Carol "good! Let them do it, less mouths to feed and it will help decrease the surplus population!", but instead we should react with love. Sometimes love is tough. Sometimes love means removing the drink, taking away the cigarettes, coaching someone through a nutritional dietary change, and maybe even closing the doors on a destructive relationship.

So, having no moral standard, I guess, can make it easy to take a person however they are and accept it, no matter how destructive their behaviors may be to themselves and those around them. It's also a lot less responsibility.

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 6:50 PM

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Thursday, January 22, 2009

Focus

This is from a post at my work blog site.....

I am unable to access my normal daily work today due to a problem in the registry. I don’t mess with the registry that is bad…very very bad. So, I will be waiting until tomorrow to have my computer fully functioning again (I hope). So, since I can’t access my calendar to update the website, I thought I’d at least update the blog a bit.

Aside from my computer troubles, I’m having a bit of trouble focusing today. The doctor seems to think I have vertigo. Yay. I just love getting older! I have an appointment this afternoon to find out why it is I’m so "out of sorts" (more than the usual). But, this inability to focus causes me to think about the struggles I have had in my walk with God. Over the past year, circumstances in my life have made it difficult for me to stay on the right track in Christ. I have a tendency to place my focus in places it doesn’t need to be (relationships, career, school, family, finances, circumstances, worry, etc…). In doing so, I have found myself in a place where I have lost sight of the Father’s face….where I have repeatedly wandered from abiding in Christ.

There is so much in God’s word to help us keep focused. Problem is, often when we lose focus, we have a tendency not to run to the Word. Actually, we are more likely (at least I know I am) to run from it. Sometimes, even when we run to the Word, because we are not focused, we do not receive the direction it gives. I am speaking from personal experience as well as from what I read on the pages of the Bible. It goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden.

So, how do I stay focused? I keep in the Word even when it doesn’t seem to be clear to me. I try my best to pray without ceasing. I hope in the promises hidden there even though my situation seems hopless. I try to go on what I know in my head instead of what I feel in my heart. I am in a place where I am weary and troubled…as many of you probably are as well. The only rest we can find in these times of despair is in Him.

So, I offer you some words from the Word in hopes that you may find rest, comfort, and focus in Him:

"I am the vine, you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit, apart from me you can do nothing."-John 15:5 NIV

This scripture is such a source of life for me. It is one of those things I have hidden in my heart that God uses to remind me when I am not abiding. It brings me back and tells me that I have my focus in the wrong place (which is why I am bogged down because I am unable to let go). This brings me to another verse I hold dear…

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." -Matt 11:28-30

The gentle and humble heart of my King…this is the love mentioned in 1 Corinthians chapter 13. We can learn from Him because He is gentle and humble in heart. We don’t have to be afraid of him being harsh when we come to Him all broken and confused. He speaks words of love and life from a gentle, humble heart. This is how we need to be towards those who come to us for help. We can not rightly teach anyone anything if we are doing it in Christ...with a loving spirit. We can not learn from those who treat us harshly when we go to them for help. But we can always run to Jesus and lay our burdens before Him without apprehension…for He is gentle and humble in heart. Oh how He loves us!

So, with that being said from an imperfect human who gets of course more often than not, here are some things to keep in mind when you feel like you have lost sight of the One who will never leave nor forsake you…

Put Him in the center of your focus. Do this by staying in the Word and praying ceaselessly. Remember the words of Paul:

"I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." -Phil. 3:14 (That is another blog in itself!)

"Let your eyes look straight ahead, keep your gaze directly before you. " -Prove 4:25 NIV

Where is your gaze? Is it on your problems? Is it on relationships? Is it on Christ? Fix your eyes upon Jesus…then let them look straight ahead at all times. Let Christ be directly before you! As the beloved hymn sings, "Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in His wonderful face…and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace."

"So, be careful to do what your God has commanded you; do not turn aside to the right or to the left. Walk in all the way that the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live and prosper and prolong your days in the land that you will possess." -Deuteronomy 5:32-33 NIV

A Prayer:

Psalm 119:33-40

33 Teach me, O LORD, to follow your decrees; then I will keep them to the end.
34 Give me understanding, and I will keep your law and obey it with all my heart.
35 Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight.
36 Turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gain.
37 Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word.
38 Fulfill your promise to your servant, so that you may be feared.
39 Take away the disgrace I dread, for your laws are good.
40 How I long for your precepts! Preserve my life in your righteousness.

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Posted by Katie at 1:46 PM

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Sunday, November 23, 2008

God is Alive and Active

I wrote a post once about being older and wiser and some of the things I hate about that. You can read that post here. I was inspired to write that post because it is difficult to watch someone you love and care about rebel against God. It is difficult to watch them throw away potential and blessings for the things of this world.

Today I am rejoicing because the subject of that post has turned back to God! God never stops wooing His chosen. HE IS SO MERCIFUL!

That post was written almost three years ago and I can tell you that my heart has broken for that person and those caught in similar circumstances. I never stopped praying and thanks to MySpace and Facebook, I was able to keep tabs on some of the goings on in that person's life, even though it disturbed me at times, it also gave me the sense of urgency I needed to continue praying.

Not too long ago contact was reestablished, and yesterday we met for lunch. I have tears welling up now as I recall the experience of hearing her share about her life and what God is doing in it. She even confessed that she has kept tabs on me! LOL She said she always kept things I have said, or Katie has said to her, in the back of her mind. Finally she relented to the conviction of the Holy Spirit! Praise God!

Prayers need to continue so that God will surround her with Godly role models who can walk with her through this spiritual journey. I am praying that God sends to her and her husband a couple wise in the ways of God, that they would help the both of them grow in the Word and in Christ. I am so excited at the possibilities here!

I just can't stop smiling! I am basking in His love today and enjoying the wonder of His unfailing mercy, endless forgiveness and infinite patience.

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 3:59 PM

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Saturday, November 22, 2008

When Christians Get Dirty

Jesus answered, "A person who has had a bath needs only to wash his feet; his whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you." For he knew who was going to betray him, and that was why he said not every one was clean.

When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. "Do you understand what I have done for you?" he asked them. "You call me 'Teacher' and 'Lord,' and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them. (John 13:10-17)
While reading Hidden In Plain Sight: The Secret of More by Mark Buchanan, the author helped me to gain insight into the "foot washing" principle.Hidden in Plain Sight

When we accept Christ as Savior...He saves us for God and from God and washes us clean. In God's sight, we are blemish free because He sees us through the sinlessness of His Son, Jesus who stands in our place.

Jesus taught the disciples that once He makes us clean, we are cleeeaaan, totally clean...but now and then, we may get a little "dirt" on our feet, or in our lives. In other words, Christians may get a little "dirty" simply by living in this world and all Christians have a responsibility to our brothers and sisters to help wipe away that "dirt".

Jesus said "Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet." What He is saying is that He washed us clean, but things in this world will tarnish us...it can creep into our lives and make us dirty.

Consider that slow driver that was "in your way" on the day you were running a bit late for work...what were your thoughts? Were they Godly?

Consider the television programs or movies you watch...would you watch them if Jesus were your guest this evening? Would He approve?

How about the music you have been listening to lately? Does it glorify God?

Have you been poking around Internet sites that are totally inappropriate?

Are you harboring any grudges against anyone?

Taken the Lord's name in vain? Ever say "Oh My God!" when surprised/startled?

PigpenThere are many many ways that the world's crud affixes itself to us. We may not even notice the dirt on us piling up, and we won't notice because like Pigpen, we won't be bothered by "girls or mosquitos". In fact, if we aren't noticing it, we may be worshiping the lord of this earth, rather than the One True God. Jesus tells us to help one another wash this crud away in our lives. We are responsible to one another to do this. We should help one another get rid of the dirt that infects our lives! We sometimes refer to this as accountability.

The word accountability often brings to mind a person holding another person accountable for some grievous sin. Jesus wasn't talking to his disciples here about horrific sin, but about simple, small and sometime unnoticeable things that could subtly cause harm to His children and hinder a relationship with Him. He was warning us in a way, to watch out for the small stuff.

We are to be holy, and set apart from the world. The world is dirty, and we must count on our brothers and sisters to help us brush off the dirt that gets on our feet every day.


Reposted from August 2007

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 9:48 PM

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Sunday, November 16, 2008

Sunlight Burning at Midnight

You might think I'm weird, but the foliage in my back yard is at its beautiful peak right now. I have a golden umbrella over a large portion of my yard and two dogwood trees with red leaves. Then in the distance all the other trees in the neighborhood are changing too. Leaves are everywhere and my back yard is covered with them. At dusk on this crisp fall evening, I couldn't stop myself...I put my Frenchesca Battistelli music on and went out back to dance and praise God under the golden umbrella of foliage. One of the lines in the song, "Beautiful" is about God's love being like sunlight burning at midnight making my life something so Beautiful Beautiful. I Looked up through the trees and I could see spots of the blue sky and a few stars peaking out. I thought about stars and how they are like sunlight burning at midnight. It was one of those moments when I received a small taste of heaven on earth!

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Posted by Katie at 11:00 PM

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Harvesting

Harvesting

I am harvesting blessings amongst my trials. Justin is so far away and I miss him so much. Here, I have to deal with the aftermath of a terrible car accident and a traumatized daughter. The blessings....

Justin is doing so well and I am so incredibly proud of him. So many from friends and church members are writing and sharing letters with me that they have written back and forth. Tiffany and I have been surrounded by a plethora of love and support from our church family. They have rallied around us and there are a few who are trying to help me get going with another vehicle...and get Tiffany driving again. So far I have not been able to coax her to get back behind the wheel.

I took her to a progressive dinner tonight. It is an annual youth event with our church. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this; it is when the youth group travels from home to home to eat 1 course of a 4 course meal at each stop. They go to one home for appetizers, then the main course, then the desserts, then cocoa/coffee/tea/cider. This year they combined the last two in one house. That was the house where I volunteered to serve. It was such a sweet time of fellowship.

So, I started the day with a nice warm bath. Then, I met my best friend and daughter for lunch. Then, I came home and found lots of energy through the crisp, blustery fall weather. So, I finished cleaning and organizing Justin's room. It looks like a new place!

I wrapped up the day with the progressive dinner. We had dessert, cider, and hot cocoa, a cozy fireplace, great piano music (furnished by one of our youth), and lots of fun conversation.

Then, as I was leaving, I walked out the door to the smell of fireplaces burning...beautiful colored leaves, and a cool crisp fall breeze. It was perfect. I thanked God for my harvest of blessings!

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Posted by Katie at 10:54 PM

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Friday, November 07, 2008

From Death to Life

Hebrews 2: 14- Because God’s children are human beings—made of flesh and blood—the Son also became flesh and blood. For only as a human being could he die, and only by dying could he break the power of the devil, who had the power of death. 15 Only in this way could he set free all who have lived their lives as slaves to the fear of dying.

I have just come out of a place in my life filled with fear, pain, and sorrow. I was enslaved to pride, selfishness, self-pity, self loathing, fear of loss, fear of lonliness, fear of rejection. I wondered how a woman of faith could ever come to be in this position. I doubted my own salvation. I kept trying to fix things, trying to handle situations that God repeatedly told me to let go of and let Him handle. But I thought I knew better.

I am guilty of trying to control and manipulate situations (make no mistake about it...it was situations...not people) that I should have left to God. I just kept making a bigger mess by trying to "do the right thing" when the only right thing was to surrender to Him. I held on to things that were not for me to hold on to. When I don't let go of what I have, I miss out on so much more that He has for me. I know this now.

I am so thankful for my Savior who became human so he could experience death in order to conquer it once and for all. He never had to do that. I don't deserve it and never will. Oh how He loves me! Oh how He loves us! He died to break the power of the devil...who I recently gave some authority in my life. I have been believing lies that He has been pouring into my brain on a daily basis. I gradually became weaker and weaker as I surrendered to emotions and oppression instead of surrendering to my Lord who never left me alone for one second. He stayed there, reaching out to me, waiting...waiting...waiting....for me to surrender all to Him. It is what He died for. He broke the power of death and I felt as if I was dying spiritually...and I must confess, there were a lot of moments where I wanted to die physically. He died to set me free from this but, I just couldn't see it. I couldn't let go. I didn't trust Him or anyone else.

He stepped in at my lowest point. When I was ready and prayed to see Truth (even if I didn't like it), He showed me that I needed to stop looking at others and letting my joy depend on people. I needed to stop pointing my finger at others' flaws and start investigating my own. I needed to stop being a victim of my own selfishness, fear and pride and start trusting Him with the things that seemed to be killing me.

I reached the point of total brokenness and surrender. I finally gave it all over to Him....and He set me free and yes I am free indeed! He embraced the cross he bore for me...and all mankind...so I must embrace my own cross that causes me to die to myself in order that I might experience the same victory over death that Christ did....and life in Him.

I have been resurrected in a sense...just like the day I got saved. I have died to my old self again. God saved me once..but every time I die to things that need to be gone..I experience new life again. I have died to who I was a few weeks ago and God has brought me to life as a new creation once again. I am changed. I am growing.

I prayed for Him to empty me this year. He told me I was going to go through a season of letting go as a result. I had NOOOO clue what was about to take place. It blindsided me. It was overwhelming and I was NOT prepared for what He was about to do....but He did it. He emptied me....and now has filled me again...with Himself...in ways He could not before because other things were in the way. I have been restored to grace. I have been born again again...and baptized in the Holy Spirit! I am alive, alive, alive....hallelujah! All praise be to the Lord my God...the King of glory!!!! He loves me...and that IS more than enough!!!!!!

I AM BACK PEOPLE! Wooohoooooo!!!!!!

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Posted by Katie at 4:38 PM

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Chosen

Yay! The photo I took while in Las Vegas last year was chosen for inclusion by Schmap Tourguide Company. Go see my pic and more on the Las Vegas - Hiking & Climbing page.

How fun!

No, no money for it, just credit for the pic, but still, how fun!

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 8:21 AM

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Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Thank You

For all of you who have been lifting me up in prayer...THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! I truly believe I have been delivered from a very long and difficult time in the desert! God has moved in my life over the last week and it hasn't been fun, let me tell you. But, I have finally let go of some thing I needed to let go of and accepted some things I couldn't accept. I have learned from mistakes along the way and I am at peace with God. I know who I am in Him and I know Whose I am. I know the truth about me and the Truth that lives in me...and that is what is at the top of my list of important things in the world! I have been restored to fellowship with my Lord. I have received a new beginning. Please continue to pray as the process is not complete...I have grown so much but I still have some things in my life that need to change...and some 40 year old habits that need to be modified. Praise be to the One who leads me by the still waters where He restores my soul.

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Posted by Katie at 10:36 PM

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Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Be Still

Be still doesn't mean do nothing. It means have peace while trusting Christ. I have lost any sense of peace. Sometimes I find it for a moment. I have hope...but it doesn't last. What is wrong with me?

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Posted by Katie at 11:51 AM

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Sunday, October 26, 2008

Manipulator

I have always been one to be transparent so here it is. I am falling from Grace. I have fought the battle and I have lost. This journey is over.


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Posted by Katie at 9:57 AM

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God Tested

God tested me today. He blessed me then tested me. I failed miserably.

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Posted by Katie at 1:40 AM

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Sunday, October 19, 2008

Breaking

God is dealing with me on things.

One person said to me yesterday, "Sue, I think God is breaking you."

Another asked me, "Do you pray for brokenness?"

I wonder, does it matter if I pray for it or not? If God is dealing with me, or breaking me, do I need to pray for it? Will He not accomplish breaking me whether or not I pray for it?

I keep getting things coming at me from all directions. There are thoughts and feelings going on in me that I just keep to myself, maybe because there are no words. Maybe because I am denying them. Maybe I am rebelling.

Mostly God is dealing with me in the area of my critical spirit, my judgmental attitude, my murmuring. Unfortunately, in the process it seems like it has intensified and my heart is unsettled, making me even more irritable.

Someone gave me a spiritual excercise to do when I feel the criticism welling inside me. It is not easy. It might actually be more difficult than enduring physical therapy, which anyone that knows me understands that is a HUGE statement.

When I feel the judgmental attitude stirred I am supposed to STOP! and then immediately ask God to realign my heart. I am to look at that situation and thank God for some aspect of it. The example given to me was if a driver runs the red light at an intersection and nearly hits me, as soon as I start thinking "That jerk! blah blah blah!" I'm to stop, ask God to realign my heart and thank Him for protecting me from an accident.

It is so much easier said than done.

One of the reasons Katie thinks we aren't getting along is because God has given her the responsibility of holding me accountable. She is helping me with this exercise and points out to me when my attitude needs realigned.

Do you know how many times this is? LOL It is a lot! Unfortunately. As a result, I get "snippy". She really shouldn't take it personally though, because it is difficult to have sin pointed out. I'm really feeling like filthy rags these days.

Just on our way to and from dinner she pointed things out. I get frustrated with myself. I really don't think I realized how bad my attitude had gotten!

I will get through this. God is breaking me and on the other side, He will be glorified.

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 5:09 AM

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Saturday, October 18, 2008

How's This for Transparency?

I have a confession. The Sisters are no longer who we were when this site was created. Seeking to glorify God in all we do as sisters in Christ is no longer how we live together. So much has changed and I fear that if our focus does not get where it needs to be soon, that we may not even be able to call one another best friends anymore. I feel sad when I read our blog now and I reminisce of how things used to be. Times change. People change. God brings people into our lives for a season..and he takes them out. So, is one season ending and another beginning? Only God has that answer. I know I don't want it to. The last 8 years, in spite of the difficulties, have been the best years and I am thankful for the beautiful memories that I will always cherish! I don't know what God is doing, but I want us to respond appropriately. He is definitely moving and changing things...and it hurts. Please pray for us as we are in a time of difficult transitions (spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically).

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Posted by Katie at 9:20 PM

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I Am

I am not who I claim to be on this blog.

This blog is a lie.

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 9:17 PM

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Saturday, October 11, 2008

Brokenness

Brokenness.Broken Vessel

Brokenness is something I am not experiencing.

Dare I say it is something I want to?

Brokenness is a staple of true maturity in the faith, and when embraced is a most freeing experience. The process of being broken isn't necessary pleasant, and in fact can be very painful, but once embraced, the faithful can prosper in ways that are undescribable.

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control can never be acheived on human strength alone. These are fruits of the Spirit and only by embracing brokenness can one totally turn themselves over to God. In turning over ourselves, we allow God to do His work in us. In brokenness, like soil being turned, we become fertile ground in which a seed can sprout and fruit can grow and prosper.

Bucking HorseA wild horse bucks the rider off it's bareback, frenzied with fury of unbridled energy, yet once saddled, tamed and ridden, or broken, that beast's energy becomes focused and the horse becomes a useful force. An energized, wild, though immature Christian is less effective in His Kingdom than an energized, mature, focused and broken Christian.

In brokenness we become as clay, soft and ready to be molded into what The Artist intends to create.

I was there once. I was clay. I was a ball of energy focused and determined to please God. I was fertile soil and fruit was growing.

What has happened?

I learned a lot about brokenness while reading Embracing Brokenness: How God Refines Us Through Life's Disappointments, by Alan E. Nelson but possibly the most important thing I learned is that I am not living a life of brokenness. Not even close.

And I'm afraid to pray for it.

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 11:12 PM

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God's Love

God's love is amazing. His grace is truly sufficient. Today was a wonderful day! I only shed a brief tear one time this morning. I spent the day reorganizing Justin's room (something I have wanted to do for a very long time). It proved to be very therapeutic. I feel so much better. I am finding more pride than grief today. I hope Justin is doing okay.

Sue took me to see the Billy Graham movie today. I highly recommend it! It was a great movie! I don't know how much of it actually happened but it was still very inspiring. My sister has been a trooper for me through this whole ordeal. She will go to any length to see that I am happy. Today, she took me shopping for a toilet seat. Lots of interesting conversation can develop while shopping for toilet seats...especially with other customers. We had a few laughs...and bought an old, lumpy pumpkin!

God is with me. Whenever I cry out...he comforts me. Today, His power was felt in huge ways!

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Posted by Katie at 8:15 PM

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Wednesday, October 01, 2008

A Psalm of the Lost

Try something different and read the 23rd Psalm in the "negative". Seems funny at first, but, then think of the reality of what it means to the lost.

It is no longer funny.

Psalm 23 revised:

The LORD is not my shepherd, I shall always be in want.
He does not make me lie down in green pastures,
he does not lead me beside quiet waters, he never restores my soul.
He does not guide me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

When I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will always fear evil, for you are not with me;
your rod and your staff, they do not comfort me.

You do not prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You do not anoint my head with oil; my cup is empty.
Surely goodness and love will be far from me
all the days of my life, and I will never dwell in the house of the LORD.




A psalm of the lost.

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 10:20 PM

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Monday, September 29, 2008

Do You Ever Feel Holy?

I have had days that I have felt holy. Yes, holy. Me...I have felt holy.

It has been a long time since I have felt holy. I want to feel holy again.

I am not saying that I am holy. I am not holy. But, sometimes I have felt so close to God that I feel holy. It is not my holiness, it is His.

What does holy mean? Apparantly it has a number of meanings...the one that is closest to what I am trying to say I think is the meaning "consecrated: set apart for religious purposes" or "saintly: devoted to the service of God"

God called me into His service. He set me apart.

God is holy, that is, He is set apart. Set apart from all else to be worshipped and glorified. All He calls to Himself are set apart, and through Christ and His sacrifice we are made holy. It is God's holiness that sets us apart. It is God's holiness that I feel when I feel holy. It is when I am closest to Him that I feel set apart. Afterall, the Creator of the Universe knows me by name and knows the number of hairs on my head.

These days I have felt distant. I haven't felt that "holiness". Why? It is because I have forgotten that He set me apart. I have forgotten that He is holy and I should set Him apart in my life. God is holy and therefore I should set Him apart from my everyday activities and spend time with Him. Only Him, for he is holy. When I do that, He blesses me, for I am covered in His Holiness. When I spend time with God, praying and talking to Him alone, His holiness is overwhelming. I can feel His presence and know that He is with me, that He is my protector, my Father and the Lover of my soul.

I can walk in full confidence that He is in control and watching over me. I can enjoy His presence as He intended me to and I can feel holy.

Repost from October 23, 2003

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 7:26 PM

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Thursday, September 18, 2008

Freedom

God is alive and He is concerned with every aspect of every life. I can feel Him again. I have been emptied. I have let go...and now I do believe I feel His filling. It's so late and I am so tired that I can't write it all down. But, I have finally been able to let go of the things I have been holding on to..things God told me months ago that He would ask me to let go of. I had to humble myself and ask for forgiveness. When I did...something inside changed. I felt lighter and I began to breathe easier. He told me that freedom would come when I let go and that I needed to trust Him but I couldn't. So, He emptied me so completely until I had no other thing to do but relinquish what I held so dear. In doing so, I am finding myself free from the bondage I alone got myself into.

So much is so clear to me now. I feel life and breath and the things that were hurting me so bad don't hurt anymore. The problems that were there are still there...but they just aren't a problem for me. I realize that I can't change my circumstances. I can't change others. I can only change me and how I respond to the circumstances. I didn't know how to change myself or how to stop responding the way I was. But I kept praying and so many prayer warriors have been carrying me through this. I felt so alone even though I knew I wasn't..and I wasn't. So many have been praying and last night was an incredible time of prayer. Somebody has been doing battle through intercession on my behalf and I want to praise God for you right now. Keep praying. The battle isn't over but I can say this...I feel much stronger and able to fight harder now than before.

I felt like I had lost everything but when I realized I couldn't save it...I accepted the loss. Then, all of a sudden, it just didn't matter anymore. I thought I was losing my best friend for life. Now, it's okay. Because I am focused...and I can only lose what the Father takes from me. It all belongs to Him anyhow.

Now, I am ready to surrender to what He wants instead of what I think I deserve. I have a ways to go but I think I will get there. I have tossed the idols. I can see my Father's face and I can see my reflection in His eyes. I have hope now.

I will go home soon. My prayer now is that I won't lose focus in the midst of my every day life. I want this testimony of God to live on.

Lord, help me to fulfill the committments I have made today...the committment to love you and to love others and put self on a shelf.

Father, show me Your glory!

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Posted by Katie at 11:58 PM

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Wednesday, September 17, 2008

He Loves Me

God sent me an angel tonight. Her name is Patti. She understands. She has been in her own dark night of the soul...she knows. She knows exactly where I am. She does not condemn. She does not judge. She heard my hearts cry. She has walked through the darkness in her own life against her own will...but has willingly chosen to walk with me through mine. She told me exactly how I was feeling because she truly understands. She prayed with me. Now..I just need to breathe in the Spirit of Life...and breath out the lies, the hurt, the anger, the anxiety and everything that encompasses the darkness that has been consuming my world. God bless you Patti. She told me that God is underneath me...holding me up...that He is not angry with me, He is not disappointed, and He is healing.

There is so much more but I am so tired. I need to sleep now.

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Posted by Katie at 3:08 PM

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Scents of Joy

I am so blessed in this very moment and I am beginning to feel hope again. God is sending people to me...the least likely people to reach out and show compassion and understanding. Funny, when the ones you always are able to go to aren't there for you anymore...He uses the least likely.

I spoke with a sister in Christ earlier today. She called about a commitment I had made. I told her I had to back out and gave her a brief rundown. I was transparent...and she accepted that. She was so supportive.

Then, I came down stairs to the scents of pumkin muffins baking in the oven. Jeanie was in her typical dinner apron. Pots were steaming with fresh corn on the cob and green beans. Tonight I will enjoy a home cooked family dinner. The smell of the muffins caused a warmth and joy to bubble up inside me that surprised me. It was a level of joy I haven't felt for a long time....muffins. It wasn't just the scent that moved in my heart so much as the heart behind the scent. Somebody who cares is cooking a home cooked meal for me and expects nothing in return....a meal...for me...for me. Although Dave is out of town today...we will still have a family dinner tonight. Me, Jeanie, David, and Marie.

I am sitting on the deck out back as I write this. The air is cool and crisp. My heart is calm and I feel at peace. I pray that this moment will last. I actually feel that some healing is beginning to take place.....muffins. God uses the strangest things. Right now, I am praising God for a nose that works right!

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Posted by Katie at 3:08 PM

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Sorting out the Chaos

I've had some good talks with my friend, Jeanie, here in Atlanta. Sometimes we just talk about stuff and sometimes we talk about my struggles. The good thing about Jeanie is that she doesn't force me to talk about the issue when she thinks I should. She just invites me to have tea on the dock by the lake (which is her back yard...literally). We watch the ducks and turtles and just chat about life in general. Then as it comes up, I start to work through some things...try to dig deeper and discover solutions. We talk about faith and the struggles that come there. During our talks, she is always very careful to reassure me that I am quite normal and my reaction to these circumstances are quite normal. She has helped me to see that I am not being irrational about some things. I thought I was misinterpreting circumstances or making them out to be worse than they are. But, she told me that given the same circumstances, she would have reacted the same way. I think that's what has drawn me to Jeanie. She has a way of making me feel like a respectable human being no matter how messed up I might think I am.

Jeanie has given me some great books to read (to add to my pile of about 20 that I'm reading already). She is so gentle in spirit...calm...soft spoken...and understanding. I wish I could be more like that.

I realize that I am in transition. Transition is hard. There so much unknown and it has all happened so fast. I have enjoyed several years of stability. I have had a home, a framily, and a best friend. We had routines, connections, struggles, blessings....and no matter what came at us...our framily stood through it. My best friendship was solid. Now, all of that stability is being threatened as my son leaves to the Navy Special Forces in a couple weeks. I will be mothering one now. Next May, I will graduate and very likely move to a new location. I am losing my framily...and my home...and other things that are too personal to mention.

I have been hit with many things that I don't want to go into, but all in all I feel like the world that God blessed my family with has been shaken up and is beginning to look more like a pile of rubble. The idea of rebuilding yet again is overwhelming. It took so long and so much work to get this far. Now I find that I need God to restore beauty to these ashes...but I can't seem to get to the place of resting in Him and waiting with Him. My heart has been so broken in the process of all of this. So, my goal is to get to a place of acceptance. I can't change what is so I have to find a way to deal with it or let it kill me. That is what I am trying to do.

The weight is still heavy and I still can't shake the feeling of emptiness and darkness. I read this morning that faith is what keeps us sane and at peace. I have lost my faith...and in the process...I feel as if I am losing my mind and there is no presence of peace. So, I think the first and most important step I need to take is to find my faith again.

For now, I am not making a plan for my future as I am tempted to do. The Holy Spirit is hovering over this darkness, void, emptiness, chaos....just as He did before the world began. He is at peace, waiting for the right moment to create beauty from it all. I need to find my resting place where I can wait in peace with Him. That is what I need to focus on before I can do anything with the rest of this mess. It will truly take a miracle.

That is where I need to be prayed for the most at this time. I truly believe that once I get to this place...everything else will fall in place after that. I have a long way to go. Your prayers will carry me. I think that the prayers of the saints have brought me to this place and they will help me to find hope again.

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Posted by Katie at 3:08 PM

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Confessions and Lamentations II

My world is very dark right now. I have gone on retreat in a desperate attempt to find my place in Christ before I run every single person I love right out of my life. I have suffered losses that nobody...NOBODYcan fathom or understand and I know that more is to come. My peaceful world is in upheaval...an earthquake...a big one. Everything is crumbling around me. I am wounded with little hope of healing these days. I don't need anymore advice. I have heard it all. I have spent the last year plus listening to all the people I care about telling me everything that is wrong with me....my church, my family, and even my closest friends. I have heard about how in equipped I am, insensitive, selfish...all the while making my focus on loving God and loving others. How ironic. I think I missed something. Then, in hopes to balance things out I suppose, they tell me I am such a strong woman of faith. Right. Am I supposed to feel better now? I need to find God's love in all of this. I need His obvious presence in me. I can't find Him. When I do, it's only for a moment, perhaps just enough to give me hope enough to keep hanging on.

"Chin up! Make up your mind to be positive! Cut your losses and move on!" That's what everyone tells me. Easy for people who have deep friendships, spouses, nice homes, and a strong family.

"You are making yourself look pathetic. You have to make up your mind to be strong and have some self respect. You deserve better than that!"

Okay! I am strong now! I am smiling! I am moving forward and cutting my losses! I am going to speak positive! I am going to wear a mask!

Why can't somebody just come into my darkness and grieve with me? Is there anyone? Is there anyone willing to walk with me through this? Any human on the face of the earth who will just hold me and bind my wounds without giving me pointless advice?

It's like when you go to a funeral and try to say the right thing to somebody who has lost a loved one. Just about anything you say is going to make things worse. It's best not to say anything and just let the person cry and grieve. Let them say anything they want...whatever it takes to get the heaviness to lift. Just support them. Love them. Hold them...and don't abandon them.

I am grieving. No, a person didn't die...but relationships have. My life as I knew it is over. Everything has changed and I had no warnings. I am angry at the world and in turn...I have made them all angry and frustrated with me.

I am on retreat. I am praying for a miracle...for God's intervention. So far..not a whole lot has happened. I feel like I am able to think things through more clearly. I feel like I know what I need to do. I know I need to cut my losses...but I am still in the process of losing....a lot. So, I can't cut the losses if they are still in the process of happening. Wounds are still being inflicted.

I see no light at the end of this tunnel. I am weak. I am in the flesh and can't find my way out. I keep reaching for God...only to grasp him for a moment and slip away. I am ineffective in my work, as a mom, and as a student, and worst of all, as a Christian in my current state.

So, I am making myself look pathetic. Well, I feel pretty pathetic. I am just being real. I am being transparent...and as usual...that is unacceptable. I am supposed to paint on a smile and pretend that I have it together when I don't. Sorry, I think that is a very wrong, unhealthy and ungodly idea. I think it's why so many people are on medication these days...including Christians. It's what I have been doing for quite some time now...and why I have found myself in this place of darkness. Yes Ellen, I am in the dark night of the soul.

God save me.

I write all of this in hopes that anyone who reads it will cry out to God in my behalf. I can't fix things. I have to accept them and at this time, I find my heart broken in several pieces and bleeding profusely. I have no strength. When I begin to feel healing...another wound is inflicted. I have nothing left in me that will allow me to accept my circumstances. I am unhealthy and I know it. I need a miracle. I need love, not judgment and condemnation. I know I am wrong. I have confessed that. I just don't have the capacity at this time to figure out how to get from where I am to where I need to be. Please pray for me.

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Posted by Katie at 8:16 AM

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Monday, September 08, 2008

Confession and Lamentation

God days are a rarity for me these days. I guess that's why the Sisters have become a solo act. I am struggling through a time in the desert. I am a proud mom who has seen many successes over the last several years and in a few weeks I will see my firstborn off to the Navy Special Forces. I should be on top of the clouds! But, instead I find myself being swallowed up with darkness. Warfare is on and lately, I feel like I am losing the battle. I am just thankful that I know the war has already been won and this season will pass as all the others. I have been overcome with selfishness and lonliness. God wants me to let go of things I hold so dear and I can't. I can't trust Him...if only I had the faith of a mustard seed right now.

I have suffered much heartbreak this year and it just keeps coming. This I know is a time of emptying before the filling. I am praying that this trial will be like the others...like birthpains that will soon be a faded memory once the blessing arrives. Sometimes, I worry that this time there won't be a blessing...but, God has never let me down in the past and I know He is in the eye of this hurricane in my life. I need to be like Peter. I need to stop thinking so I can stop sinking. I need to focus on the Lover of my soul and just run to Him. I need to be so focused that I will walk across the stormy waves as if they were solid ground....but lately...I just think and sink.

Today started out as a wonderful day in the Lord. I felt the heaviness of depression lift from me if only for a brief time. As I felt light and hope again...the test came and I failed miserably. Will I ever get over myself enough to testify to God's grace again? Where is my witness now? Where is my testimony? How will I ever get through this? What is wrong with me?

I called a friend tonight who has put up with all my emotional garbage faithfully for the last 8 years. God has a huge reward waiting for this friend who has done nothing but deal with my grief...and done it so lovingly. I wish there was some way I could repay her for all her kindness.

She told me to go home (I was up to no good lol). And to write down anything I could think of to praise God for in my journal. She didn't say it couldn't be a public journal. So, you get to journey with me as I seek God's presence in the power of praise...so here it goes...

Father,

I praise you for your forgiveness and mercy more than anything right now. I am so undeserving of my position at the right hand of God in Christ. I praise You because you died and gave me the opportunity to receive Jesus as my Lord and Savior. You live in me. Because of the shed blood of Your One and Only, I am called the righteousness of God. I praise you because I complain and fail constantly but you just keep loving me. I praise you because you never leave me and even though it seems you are so far away...and even sometimes that you don't care at all, I know that's a lie because you promise to never leave nor forsake me. Your word says that You loved me first! You knew me and loved me even before you knit me in my mother's womb and I am created in your image! I want everyone to see that image. I have a place above the angels you send to protect me. Oh Father, I have no right to ask you for anything more, yet you hear my cries and gather my tears. I make idols out of the gifts you give me and you stand with open arms waiting for this prodigal to return to you. You celebrate and lavish more blessings upon me that I do nothing to earn or deserve.

I praise you, Lord for people like Dave Gushee who has never failed to be an encourager. I praise you for the phone call today from a lady I hardly know who called just to tell me that you have laid me on her heart to pray for me. Then you led her to call me and tell me that. Why? Why did she call me? Why now?

I praise you for the church in Franklin that has been so amazing during this time of trial, the messages you have been giving and the connections you have made. I praise you for the work you are doing at the church where I work. I praise you for pastor Steve and Marsha and the messages they have been getting to me. I praise you that I got to meet pastor and his wife last week and tell them how much you are ministering and speaking to me through the messages. Christ in me...the hope of glory. Lord, I want to understand...to fully grasp Christ in me the way that you intend for me to. I don't want to miss it...not one little bit.

Father, the hardest thing to praise you for right now is this time of emptying. I think this has been the most difficult time of growth ever...but I praise you because even though my faith is so weak right now...even though darkness surrounds me. I know you are hiding somewhere on the other side of that cloak...with treasures I can't comprehend..to be lavished at just the right time...when YOU think I'm ready to have them. I know I'm far from being there. I know I am not empty yet. I still have so much of self keeping me away from the filling that awaits. I have to be completely empty. I want to be (did I really say that?). I don't want you to fill me until me is completely out of the way. I want no part of self to take away from the glory that Christ is in me. I keep pushing Christ aside and reaching for other idols.

I praise You because you don't give up on me. I praise you that even at this very moment, as I sense darts of doubt, lonliness, pain, jealousy, envy, depression and confusion flying at me...you still stand strong and firm. You have such a hold on my heart. Everything is a lesser thing compared to you so how is it I ever worship anything above you? How is it I ever want to take my eyes off of You?

What is wrong with me? You made it known to me today that You have not abandoned me and I rejoiced...then in the first moment of the first trial I turn from you. I push you aside and placed my biggest idol on the throne...me. If you are not angry with me. If you are not hurt that I have abandoned my first love...then what right do I ever have to be angry or hurt by anyone who hurts, or turns away from me? How can I ever feel alone or empty if I am filled with and abiding in You? I can't! That's how I know I am not allowing the fullness of Christ to consume me and I am not abiding.

Father, I praise You because You are Lord over my emotions. I give them to you. I can't do this without You. I can't let go of anything or anyone. I can't do anything apart from the vine. I can't even abide in You without You abiding in me. Help me to abide. Father, show me Your glory. Reveal to me all Your hidden treasures that I might see how truly blessed I am. I am in such bondage...to things that are not of You. I want to be in bondage only to You. But I can do nothing on my own. Oh, Father help me to surrender once and for all...all of it. Please take it from me and help me to find peace and rest in You.

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Posted by Katie at 11:29 PM

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Friday, August 08, 2008

Sinful Desires

Katie and I are going through a Bible Study written by Kelly Minter called "No Other Gods: Confronting Our Modern-Day Idols". We finished the first chapter yesterday and moved onto the second week of the study. At the end we are asked a pointed question for personal reflection and I've been pondering it.

"What sinful desires are obscuring your identity in Christ? I don't want you to end on the negative, so after praying and naming those things, write how dealing with those sins could expose your God-given goodness and give you a greater identity in a world of hungry people."
This wasn't an "out of the blue" question, the study built up to asking this question and basically affirms that as Christians we are "strangers and aliens" in this world. We are a peculiar people, but sinful desires can obscure our goodness in it.

Now I was being asked to identify what is obscuring my goodness.

I'm not sure it is that easy to always identify, but then I'm wondering if I don't want to admit what I have already identified, and at the VERY least, don't want to write it down on the page!

I think while identifying sin is important in banishing it forever from our lives, admitting it isn't easy and writing it down is even more difficult!

Is this something I really need to do? Have I really identified it?

Here is something really interesting that Minter wrote "fullfilling our sinful desires will snuff out this burning goodness. By indulging them we actually become the reverse of peculiar and strange. We become ----hold your breath---normal."

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 12:00 PM

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Friday, July 25, 2008

Daily Puritan Quote

I am not normally a quote reader, but I saw one today as I perused my Google Reader that caught my attention. I followed it to A Puritan at Heart and it reads:

Murmuring is a great sin...it is the scum of discontent or the vent of impatience, or such bold expostulations and complaints as flow from an exulcerated mind ...First men mutter, then complain. The heart boils with impatience and then the froth is cast out in passionate speeches and complaints. Humble complaints are not murmurings, else there would be no place for prayer; but bold expostulations are murmurings when we complain rather of God than to God. [Thomas Manton]
I read this and was immediately under conviction. One thing that emerging from my spiritual depression has shown me is that my spirit has become critical and cynical. I do way too much murmuring, and much of it has led to complaining.

There has been a discontentment in my heart and this is not a good thing.

At first I thought it interesting to connect murmuring with impatience, but when I read this, it dawned on me how absolutely true it is.

I think Thomas Manton worded some of what I learned in my prayer time last week very well.

So, being under that conviction I confessed and apologized to my friend and she replied "Praise God for conviction that frees us from bondage!"

Amen.

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 1:58 PM

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Monday, July 21, 2008

Kay Arthur - Famine and Calamity

Many people are Googling for: "Kay Arthur" "prophecy" "famine and calamity" "Deeper Still" and "Atlanta" among other things because they have heard pieces parts of the message Kay Arthur delivered at the Deeper Still Conference in Atlanta on June 27 and 28, 2008. I've posted about what Kay Arthur said at the conference here, but because of all the interest her message stirred, I have received a couple of emails from readers asking for more detailed information.

I have been asked by a few readers "Did she say anything about 'famine and calamity'?"

The answer is yes, yes she did speak of these things.

She warned us by beginning her talk telling us that "Our nation is in grave danger".

Arthur told us that she was made physically ill preparing for this message, that it was a hard one to deliver and something we probably don't want to hear. At various points she seemed to stumble around in her notes apologizing and explaining that she had written them and rewritten them three different times. At one point she even stated she felt she had "not done a good job" with her message, which of course the women in attendance denied and then encouraged her with a round of applause. She was not fishing for recognition, but you could tell that some were taking her message to heart, and it seemed some were fidgety and getting up out of their seats. At one point I was asking Katie why people were leaving their seats, and she said "this is a difficult message, it is too heavy for some" which seems to make sense. Regardless, it was an impacting message.

These are some additional notes that I took that didn't make my first post...partly because some are incomplete, and partly because I'm not sure I go for some of what Arthur shared.

Here are the rest of my notes, which are kind of random and all over the place:

---------------------------------------

The scripture references she used at various points:

  • Amos 3:8
  • Jeremiah 5 "find one seeking truth"
  • Jeremiah 6:27,28 "speaks lies and deceit, shall I not avenge myself?"
  • Jeremiah 9:1-6
  • Isaiah 59:14 "Truth has stumbled in the streets. He who turns aside from evil, makes himself prey."
The prophecies:
  • Judgement is here!
  • There are no absolutes
  • There is no truth
  • Famine in the USA - Midwest floods destroying crops, not only gas prices rising, so will food prices. Ezekiel 14:13 "send famine - cut off bread supply"
  • Lack of Knowledge - Isaiah 5:13, Hosea 4:1-6 Lack of knowledge of God. Arthur says we don't know the character of God because we aren't studying the OT. Jeremiah 6 - no delight in the Word
  • Apostasies in USA are many
  • People prefer false prophets - Jeremiah 7:1-11
  • Word of God has gotten lost in the House of God (Josiah) - It is NOT the church's responsibility to teach children the truth, it is the parents!
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Hope that helps, I think the rest was in my post. She had A LOT to say, it was hard to get it all, grasp it all, and notate it.

The part about the famine she spoke of was reminding us that "it is not the desire of God to bring judgement -- it is the necessity in His character when we will not obey". She claims that our nation is in danger of God's Judgement right now, and we could see the current natural disasters as part of that. She used the verse and prophecy in Ezekiel 14:13 about "cutting off the bread supply" when she spoke of the flooding in the Midwest (IA) destroying the crops, including wheat and corn. That is where the famine would come in and it will start to show in our food prices as supply decreases, not only in rising fuel costs. Katie also reminded me that Arthur told us about Walmart/Sam's Club limiting rice purchases. I had heard about that on the news prior to her message, but forgot she used that to support her reasoning.

I believe that the apostasies are many in our nation and that evil is made to seem good, and good made to seem evil. People do seem to easily follow false prophets and teachers rather than dig in the Word themselves and see what it really says. There was a lot in her message that I could relate with and understood what she was saying and it had me take a hard look at my role in some of those things.

What I don't go for necessarily is that God's Judgement comes through natural disasters. Natural disasters have always existed. I'm not sure that they suddenly have increased. I would argue that with the media available to us today (tv, Internet, print) that we are simply more aware of what is going on when disasters hit; when the hurricanes come in, the recent destruction of the tornadoes, the floods of the Midwest, the fires in California, etc. Arthur may be making a prophetic announcement about God's Judgement being here, but she did not ever say "God told me...blah blah blah" and never presented this as a "revelation" but more as a lesson and something to take seriously because our nation IS in danger. I see judgement more in the way that God would turn us over to our sin and we would have to face the consequences of our own immorality and poor choices, not necessarily an earthquake or some other natural disaster. I'd go for the fact that our greed and materialism might be catching up with us in the form of an economic crisis, but not so much famine...but, then again...as much as I know the Word, Kay Arthur has many more years of intensive study than I! In fact, Arthur's message came more as a warning of what could happen if we don't turn from sin, then what is happening I think.

If you are sincerely interested in what Arthur has to say on this subject, I also recommend checking out America at the Crossroads; A Call to Corporate Prayer. While she has a daunting message to bring, she also provides The Answer. (Read this post and scroll down to read the "7 Things to do in Light of This Message")

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For more info:

Deeper Still Blog
Kay Arthur: Precept Ministries International

READ KAY ARTHUR'S OFFICIAL RESPONSE TO "FAMINE AND CALAMITY"

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Friday, July 11, 2008

You've Got to be Real

The other night as I was praying, I felt God replying with "blah blah blah...Sue, you are not being real. You are saying what you think I want you to tell me what you think I want you to ask. Uh, that is not what I am here for. I know what you are really thinking/wanting/feeling,...My question is, 'do you?'"

There were quite a few moments of reflective silence as I tried to NOT control my thoughts. Then I realized that I really do control my thoughts more than I thought. Then I started getting confused in all of the jumble, sorting out what I was really thinking/wanting/feeling from what I should be thinking/wanting/feeling. I really tried to let go and allow my own thoughts regardless of if they are "right" or "wrong" bubble to the surface, kind of like "no holds barred".

God isn't there to listen to my "should be-es", He is there for my reality.

You've got to be real!

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Adoption Connection

A woman came into my store yesterday looking for a blank CD and after talking with her I learned she was using the disc to copy a video of a child to send to a person helping to handle her adoption.

I enthusiastically asked "you are adopting"?

She said "yes" and smiled.

I then reached to shake her hand and as I did I explained "I'm adopted, so I'm all about adoption!"

Then we got to chatting and I asked her all sorts of questions. At one point we both had our eyes swelling with joyous tears.

I learned she was adopting a child internationally. He is from a region near Russia, Kazakhstan I think is what she said, near China too. He is nine months old now and recently received a video of him she was very excited about.

When I asked her when she was to be able to get him she told me he should already be here but changes in the court system there have delayed things immensely and that it frustrated her. I said "it is all part of God's Perfect Timing" and she acknowledged that as well. She has two daughters that are older and they are excited and impatiently awaiting the arrival of their new brother too.

I just thought it neat that we had a connection immediately because of this thing called adoption! I could tell she was enjoying sharing about it and I was definitely enjoying hearing about it! I congratulated her as she went on her way. Adoption connects people.

Thank God there are people willing to adopt children who otherwise would not have a family.

God is all about adoption! He invites everyone into His family and because of that, and the fact that I too am adopted into my earthly family, I treasure adoption!

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Saturday, July 05, 2008

Deeper Still: The Event - Beth Moore

After lunch it was the panel discussion. The three women answered questions that people had for them and questions ranged from asking Beth Moore "How do you get your hair so big?" to "How do you keep from becoming prideful, after all you are admired by so many?" The discussions were frank and funny at times! We were all rolling when Beth talked about the "critical hair moment", that moment when while fixing your hair it could go either way...a bad hair day, or a good hair day. Her household apparently is very aware of that critical moment and know that it is no time to disturb her! LOL The answer to the pride question was basically "I remember where God brought me from." After a wild, funny and honest panel discussion with the three women speakers of the Deeper Still event, Priscilla Shirer, Kay Arthur and Beth Moore, it was time for Moore to deliver the Word God gave her to share.

First, Beth Moore reminded the audience about the important message Kay Arthur had delivered that morning. She said it was impactful and called for a time of repentance, so she gave some time for reflection and prayer. Moore said "We have the authority in scripture to leave this place 100% pure. Leave this place in forgiveness and victory --- NO condemnation!" Then while the worship band reprised "Mercy Seat" an invitation was given for those in need of prayer and having need to repent and a desire to leave 100% pure. It was a time of reflection, prayer and tears.

After that time of personal worship and prayer, Moore took the stage to deliver her message from John 1:14:

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.
When Moore spoke of the Word, she was basically affirming the message Kay Arthur gave which is that doctrine matters. She talked to us again about how the Word is Truth and we can easily become legalistic if we don't hear from God, or seek God, and/or we have sick "want-tos". She explained that some people don't want to be delivered, too often we are happy in our sin. She suggested that we pray that God will change our "want to". A "want-to" is our selfishness, how we want to do something, or have something. These are our "want-tos" and if we have a sick "want-to" we are not in God's will. Our "want to" should line up with what God wants to do.

Moore had a couple of interesting points to ponder. She talked about the transfiguration of Christ on the mountain when "His face shone like the sun, and his clothes became as white as the light. (Matt. 17) She was emphasizing that We have seen His Glory (John 1:14) and that Christ was transfigured on that mountain because His Glory was bursting forth from the shell of His flesh. I thought that a cool thought.

She went on to talk about the fact that sometimes when we see the backside of something that is when we most see God in it. She compared this idea to the fact that Moses couldn't see God as He passed by and so God hid him in the cleft of rock, but Moses could see God on the backside. Neat comparison.

She had much to share with us, but here are a couple statements I am taking out of my notes that need little explanation:
  • Jesus will not share His glory! He is the One and Only!
  • Satan is only allowed to sift us when we need sifting.
  • Relationships with false saviors end badly, you can't be somebody's all.
Jesus is full of Grace and Truth (John 1:14). What really struck me as Moore dug into the end of this verse of scripture she had us going over and over was that when scripture says Jesus is FULL of Grace, that means He is ALWAYS full of Grace. When Grace leaves Him, it is automatically replenished. It is a never ending supply. Grace upon Grace, Grace replaced by Grace perpetually. When we receive His Grace, we can and should go back for more!

Did you know that John never mentions Grace again after the beginning of His gospel? I never noticed that until Moore pointed it out and she thinks it is because John told the reader about Grace, and then the rest of his book is an expression of His Grace.

After Moore's message there was a short time of prayer and praise and worship. Then, with solo piano and his single voice, Travis Cottrell prompted the audience to sing. When all the women began to carry the music, he backed away from his keyboard and the musicians quietly left the stage almost unnoticed. 19,000 women in attendance sang "Shout to the Lord" a cappella and it was a sweet sound. A lump in the throat, goosebumps moment of awe. A beautiful and appropriate ending to a wonderful event. To God be the Glory!

***************

For More Information:

Deeper Still Blog
Beth Moore - Living Proof Ministries

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Friday, July 04, 2008

Deeper Still: The Event - Kay Arthur

I have heard Kay Arthur on the radio numerous times and over the years have read a few of her books. She refers to her listeners and/or readers often as "precious one" or "beloved". She has that motherly tone in her voice that is comforting, gentle and just makes you feel special and very loved by a caring Father. She has a love for the Word of God that is very evident whenever you hear her, and her passion for the Bible inspires her to teach others how to read it and study it for themselves. She started her ministry in 1963 and has been going strong ever since. Some might even call her the matriarch of modern women's Bible studies and she has obviously set the standard.

I had preconceived notions about what I would be hearing when it was time for Kay Arthur to speak on Saturday at the conference. I imagined a message peppered with the kind of stuff I had always heard from her in the past. I was totally off base, totally and completely. The message Arthur delivered was a hard message to hear. It was convicting and it was spoken with passion and through tears. That woman can preach! Whew!

She can also "break it down"! Check out this agile 74 year old woman dancing without "Shackles"!


Deeper Still from on Vimeo.

While there were many fun and humorous moments during the weekend, Arthur gave a very sobering and prophetic message. It obviously weighed very heavy on her heart, so much so that she confessed she was physically ill. I started thinking about the prophets of the Old Testament, like Jeremiah, who had the not-so-wonderful job of telling Israel that she better get her act together or else. He wasn't very appreciated in his day, and Kay Arthur is delivering the same kind of message this day.

"Our nation is in grave danger."

She repeated the warning emphasizing each word slowly and deliberately "our nation is in graaaave danger".

The 19,000 women in attendence at once were quieted.

Much of Arthur's message came out of Jeremiah, and some from Ezekial and Isaiah. What I found interesting is that while the text of her message was from the Old Testament, she used all of it to support her "answer" to the disconcerting Word God gave her to share.

My notes from this weekend are rather scattered, so this post may be as well, but there was so much information being dished out, it was hard to get it all down on paper. I've been able to take the past week to absorb it, and now I'm going to attempt to put it out there for everyone, because everyone needs to hear it.

After the crowd was stunned into silence, Arthur reminded us that "Truth is a Person, it is a Book, anything else is sinking sand."

The basic message was one of warning, that America is in danger of losing it's heritage and that this nation is under God's Judgement. She gave some examples about how in our country there is no absolute truth and that apostacies are many. She used some examples of how the media often distorts truth and that we don't know what to believe anymore. Right and wrong are clouded. She recommended a book by David Kupelian called "The Marketing of Evil: How Radicals, Elitists, and Pseudo-Experts Sell Us Corruption Disguised As Freedom".

She spoke about the "Word of God being lost in the House of God". In some American churches we are being taught untruths and all kinds of stuff contrary to the Word of God. There are many false teachers and prophets out there teaching things like health, wealth and prosperity, the word of faith movement and all sorts of other things. She used 2 Kings 22 when the Book of Law was found in the temple after having been "lost" and forgotten. We need to return to the Law and make a covenant to obey His Word, live in the light of the Word, gird up our loins and proclaim the Word. It is spiritual warfare and Arthur said "I could retire...but, there is no retirement in a time of war."

Arthur said "it is not the desire of God to bring judgement -- it is the necessity in His character when we will not obey".

She used some of what is happening in today's America to support her statement that we are experiencing a level of God's judgement, from the natural disasters, such as the Midwest floods that will cut off our bread supply (Ezekial 14:13), that we have a lack of knowledge of the Word of God (Isaiah 5:13, Hosea 4:1-6).

Arthur says we don't spend enough time in the Old Testament and encouraged us to dig deeper in the OT to understand God's character. Because we lack knowledge, and show no delight in the Word (Jeremiah 6), we too easily start to prefer false prophets. ( I see this in the way people are spellbound by Joel Olsteen and Oprah Winfrey.) What is so dangerous is how "good" their messages sound.

After delivering this very difficult message, Arthur gave us "7 Things to do in light of this message":

  1. Break up the fallow ground, the hardness of our soul. (Jeremiah 4:3). We need to ask God to break our hearts with the things that break His.
  2. Mourn (Jeremiah 9:17-18). We should be brokenhearted over the state of our churches and the state of our nation, and send out "destroying angels".
  3. Pray (1 Timothy 2). Pray for our nation and those in authority.
  4. Love God's Word (Jeremiah 20) Love it above yourself.
  5. Love others as Jesus loves them (Jeremiah 31:3, John 13). The church should exemplify unconditional love and show kindness to hurting people. We need to help each other through our struggles.
  6. Introduce people to Jesus Christ (Jeremiah 31:31, Jeremiah 33: 1-9, 15, 17). God will heal a nation that repents and returns to Him.
  7. Rest "Believing God is with you is the rest of faith." (I like how she made "rest" a noun in that statement.)
Interesting side note Kay Arthur shared with us that day is how she hopes to die. She said she prays to die of a quick heart attack on stage in front of a large crowd such as we were, 19,000 people. She then went on to say that her hope is in the moment she drops to the stage floor that someone, most likely from the ministry team she happens to be with I suppose, would run out and give an invitation! LOL

I was blessed having had the opportunity to hear the wisdom and prophetic proclamation come forth from an anointed mouthpiece of God. Kay Arthur delivered a daunting message that was hard for her to give, and hard for us to receive, but it was so necessary. God gave it to her for a reason, let it not be lost in the House of God.

*********************

For more information:

Deeper Still Blog
Kay Arthur: Precept Ministries International

READ KAY ARTHUR'S OFFICIAL RESPONSE TO "FAMINE AND CALAMITY" (added 08/04/08)

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 4:54 PM

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Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Deeper Still: The Event - Priscilla Shirer

I had never heard Priscilla Shirer speak/teach before, but after hearing her at Deeper Still in Atlanta, I know that she has an anointing and she is a teacher that I will be listening to again and again. You should too!

This weekend was packed with insight and teaching and a LOT OF IT! It has taken me a few days to digest it all, going over my notes and sharing with my friend to keep things fresh. Unfortunately some of this may seem all over the place, but I'm going to share it anyway, so bear with me. There is good stuff here and somebody may just need to hear/read it!

Shirer's message on Friday night was from Exodus 19 as she explained that God personally invites us to HEAR and SEE Him. It is a Divine Personal Invitation, a "divine treasure" and it is one we already have so we should celebrate it!

She divided her talk into two sections: Context of Divine Invitation and Preparation of the Invitation

Context - God calls us into the wilderness

The context of the invitation as Shirer explained is the desert, the wilderness, that God calls us into. This spoke volumes to me because I myself have recently emerged from a desert experience and could relate to much of what she was saying. "God leads you into the desert when He is ready to reveal Himself" she said and it is in the desert that "intimacy is ignited"! How do we know it was God sending us into the desert, that God chose the wilderness for us? We know it when we get through to the other side! When we camp at the foot of the mountain! Exodus 3:12 says:

And God said, "I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God on this mountain."
She also pointed out that Job was able to really see God AFTER his desert experience, the experience of losing his family, friends, wealth and health. It was only after all that Job said "now my eyes have seen Him." God will choose the wilderness for you (Exodus 13:17-18) as He did for the Israelites when He led them around the long way toward the Red Sea.

The Blessing of Pain

At one point in her talk, Shirer told the story of a child who was born without the sensation of touch, her nerve endings were deadened. She had heard the parents of this child talk about how they thought this was a good thing because their child would not ever experience physical pain. What they learned as the child grew was drastically different than their original thinking.

Their young girl suffered severe burns on her arm when coffee on the table she was lying beneath spilled and began to trickle down the girl's arm. Feeling nothing, the child didn't move away, or cry for help. The scars of that trickle remain. Later as the girl started learning to use her hands, she became enamored with her eye and started playing with it, so much so that she scratched at it and dug it out of its socket. A patch now covers her eye. Her teeth have been removed because she would chew her tongue and bite her lips so that they bled and were being destroyed. The child's parents now say that they wish their child had the blessing of pain.

Ever notice that when we are down flat on our back the only place we can look is up to Him?

So when we are feeling the most pain in our lives, suffering through our desert, the wilderness, Shirer was quick to point out that Mt. Sinai was the furthest possible place from the Promised Land, but it led the Israelites to the biggest internal blessing they would experience. "Everything is not always as it seems" she said.

It is in the desert of Sinai that you find the mountain of God.

At one point Shirer also had us consider something. She observed "what is our first reaction when it starts to rain?" Do we run for cover? She had us think about how we often ask God to show Himself and "rain" down on us. She wondered if our reaction to God when He starts "raining" on us is the same as when the sky opens and the downpour begins. Do we run for cover?

Preparation - How God gets us ready to experience Him

1. God calls us to remember - We need to remind ourselves what He has already done for us
  • Remember what He delivered us from
  • Remember that He has lifted us up "on eagles wings”
  • Remember that He drew us to Himself, that He knows how we really are and still wants to be our friend.
2. God calls us to recognize our spiritual identity – God is the only one Who has the credentials and the authority to name us. They can call us whatever they want, but only God can name us.
  • We are His people
  • We are a Holy nation
  • We are a Kingdom of Priests
  • We are Proclaimers of Jesus
Also during this section Shirer named each book of the Bible and shared the name of God from each book according to His Character as revealed in that book. It was profound to hear her quote the words to a song called, "He Is" and you can find them here, or watch/listen to the video below.



3. God calls us to submit to new levels of surrender – To experience God, we must be willing to surrender to His Will. When God takes up residence in you, He empowers you to surrender.

Shirer ties it all together and reminds us again of the context in which God calls us into the desert, and the preparation through the desert and then gets us to the final result which is that God makes Himself able to be heard and seen by us!

She had some final thoughts and one that stuck out to me was what keeps us from going to God for ourselves? The Israelites in Exodus 20:18-19 chickened out and just wanted to send "Moe" to God to hear Him, and "get a Word". Do we depend too much on our Bible teachers, our pastors, our parents/spouses/friends, Beth Moore, Kay Arthur or Priscilla Shirer to go to God for us?

Are we sending others to "get the Word" for us?

**********************

For more info:

Deeper Still Blog
Priscilla Shirer: Going Beyond Ministries

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Saturday, June 28, 2008

Deeper Still: The Event

Katie and I are attending Deeper Still: The Event in Atlanta, GA. Last night we heard from Priscilla Shirer, and looking forward to today when we will hear from Kay Arthur and Beth Moore.

I will be sharing more later, but we've got to get moving.

Read Deeper Still: The Blog.

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 5:31 AM

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Friday, June 13, 2008

We Are Living in the Meantime

I have been reading "The Jesus I Never Knew" by Philip Yancey. This was a required reading from my New Testament class. We were only required to read a portion of the book but it's so good that I have continued to read it. I highly recommend it!

Recently, in reading about the Ascension, my eyes were opened to yet another paradox of the Bible. According to Yancey, we are living in the meantime. This is the centuries long time that we currently live in…the time when God appears to be absent. (How's that for a play on words?) To the contrary, God is not absent at all. He is ever present in the unlikely disguise of the sick, the poor, the hungry, the homeless, and the prisoners. He is the single mom, the elderly in the nursing homes, the grieving daughter, the man dying with cancer, and so many more.

The one thing I found powerfully intriguing is when Yancey writes, "Since we cannot express our love by doing anything to profit God directly, God wants us to do something profitable for the poor, who have been delegated the task of receiving Christian love." ….Amazing Grace.

I found it curious that he used the word "task" when referring to the receiving of Christian love. A task is defined as a definite piece of work assigned to, falling to, or expected of a person; duty. It is also defined as a matter of considerable labor or difficulty. So, according to Yancey, receiving Christian love is a duty of which involves considerable labor or difficulty.

Here's the paradox. In the world we live it makes sense that giving would be the task and receiving would be the blessing, right? But, in the Christian realm, the blessing is the giving and the receiving is the difficult part.

Blessed are the meek, and the poor. I see this in a different light.

It is more blessed to give than to receive. I understand!

To give sacrificially to the poor and needy is to encounter God's presence during the "meantime" while we wait for Christ's triumphant return. To receive is a blessing because the one who is receiving has been delegated that difficult task in order that God's presence might be known. It is an opportunity to allow others to receive the blessing of service to Christ. This sure sheds a new light to the question, "How can a loving God allow suffering?" It is our suffering that draws us to depend on Him. It is through reaching out through the hurting of others that Christians can have a personal encounter with God. Is this the good spoken of in Romans 8:28?

"God has designated the poor to be His receivers." – Philip Yancey

A Word From God:

"I tell you the truth, whatever you did for the least of these, you did for me" - Jesus

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Posted by Katie at 11:05 PM

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Thursday, June 12, 2008

Peace Be Still

I'm sure I'm not alone when I say that I am seeking answers for many decisions that I need to make in this life. I am unsure of so many things right now. The only thing I'm really sure of is that God has placed me on this planet to worship Him and to be a witness to His glory so that the lost might come to know Him. It's my responsibility to go into the entire world and preach the gospel of Jesus Christ. In the "meantime" I am supposed to trust Him with the plans for my life. All of these things that I am unsure of, He knows the answers for. He has a plan and a purpose that will unfold in His time. So, while I wait…it's imperative that I be still and let go of my concerns…lifting them up to the only One who really knows what to do with them. His burden is light and mine is so heavy. He wants to carry that load for me. So, why is it so hard to let go and trust? Why do I focus on the waves in the storm instead of the peace resting in the bottom of the boat? He alone can speak peace into the chaos of life. In order to have peace, I must rely on the Peace Speaker. I have to stop watching the storm. I have to trust that He already knows the outcome of my circumstances and He is in control of it all.

Known to God from eternity are all His works. –Acts 15:18

In my next post I will explain more about the "meantime"

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Posted by Katie at 11:34 PM

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Saturday, June 07, 2008

Unforgiveness

This blog is one in which I risk being transparent. Recent events in my life have caused me to see a place in my heart that can become very dark very quickly. This is the place where I find jealousy, envy and selfishness that quickly turns bitter. It's the place that makes me see the reality of my humanness and my need for a merciful, loving Savior. I feel justified in my sin...even entitled to hold a grudge. I spend my days thinking of reasons why I have a right to feel this way...how I have been treated so thoughtlessly, carelessly, judgementally, or without any consideration at all. ( I am not speaking of one particular incident here). I have been shafted, mistreated, treated unfairly, or rudely and I AM ENTITLED TO WALLOW AND HOLD A BITTER GRUDGE!!!! So there you have it....transparency. I am human. I am a sinner....and I am forgiven. So, why do I struggle to forgive?

During my devotion time, I read a book called Power Prayers to Start Your Day by Donna K. Maltese. In it she writes, "It has been said that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the offender to die". I never looked at it like that before and it helped me see my attitude in a much different light.

Unforgiveness does nothing to the offender and accomplishes nothing positive at all...ever. It only eats away at the human soul like a cancer. Normally I am quick to forgive those who offend me, but this one particulart time I was really caught off guard and knocked for a loop! I was swallowed up by envy and jealousy so quickly that I didn't even see it coming and I'm still working hard to overcome. God is so patient and so good. I am so blessed that He still loves me and gently chastises me back into His grace.

Maltese goes on futher to say, "When you release the wrongdoer from your wrath, you cut a malignant tumor out of your own life. You set a prisoner free...and discover that the prisoner you freed was yourself."

There have been many times I have granted forgiveness to those who have offended me ...without batting an eye. I can let things go and give them to God. Why is this time so much harder? Is it because of the value of the treasure I stood to lose? Maybe that's what makes a difference. One thing I know I've learned is that any treasure I have been given is a gift from God. I need not worship the treasure over the Giver and that is what I have been doing. I am the one in need of forgiveness and grace. I have chosen to turn from God in my wasted efforts to hold tight to the gift He gave me and call it MINE MINE MINE! May He have mercy on me.

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins"- Mark 11:25 NIV
People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy. - Proverbs 28:13 NLT
This is my confession.

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Friday, June 06, 2008

When Your Job Unexpectedly Goes Away

Hearing the words "your position is being eliminated" is not on the list of things I wanted to hear. It conjures up many different thoughts and feelings, not many of them good.

I heard those words today.

I shall push my worldly thoughts and feelings aside, hold my thoughts captive to Christ, and trust God.

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 5:48 PM

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Friday, May 30, 2008

Amputation

Each part gets its meaning from the body as a whole, not the other way around. The body we're talking about is Christ's body of chosen people. Each of us finds our meaning and function as a part of His body. But as a chopped-off finger or cut-off toe we wouldn't amount to much would we? Romans 12:4-5 The Message

It is not uncommon to hear a message of encouragment geared towards those who don't feel like they have a significant part in the body. Some people think that because they don't have one of the "noticable" gifts or because they are not great theologians, they have no place in the body. Their function is not necessary and the church will survive just fine without them. The Word of God tells us that the body needs every part to function right. This is often a message preached to encourage those who feel insignificant to take their place no matter how "big" or "small" it may appear to be. It is necessary for God's purpose.

When one part of the body is hurting, the rest of the body suffers. Our bodies react to injuries. It is part of the body's natural function for blood to rush to an injury. Blood cells and mucus to work together to fight off a cold. Nobody has to tell the body to do this. It just does. It's natural. Shouldn't it be that way in the body of Christ? Natural instinct to rush to the part that is sick or hurting...instead of cutting it off?

Sometimes a part of the human body becomes amputated. For the rest of the life of that body, the rest of its parts will have to adjust. The body cannot heal the part that has been removed because it is severed and cannot function anymore.

We learn in church that we are all needed in order for the body to funciton properly. What if that member of the body is sick and the body says, "You are too much work, I don't need you...go away"?

Are we, the body of Christ, inflicting further injury to already wounded body parts so that they don't function properly anymore? Are we chopping off our own fingers and toes?

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Posted by Katie at 3:57 PM

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Good Works

I read something interesting in my daily devotion today.

"We are not saved by good works but for good works."

It is common for Christians to point out to others that it is by grace we are saved through faith alone...not by anything we have done. If we are to boast, it should be in the One who deems us worthy...not in ourselves. There is nothing we can do to earn salvation. Nothing. Mankind is and will always be unworthy of the grace of God bestowed on us by the sacrifice of His One and Only Begotten.

So, since we don't have to do anything to receive the gift of salvation, then does that mean we can get saved and go back to a selfish lifestyle? Does it mean we can sin because we know that we are forgiven? I don't think so. There is evidence that a person has been saved and that's not it!

The evidence I speak of is what the Bible refers to as fruit. The fruit is produced through how we work out our faith. Our good works bring forth the fruit of the Spirit for all the world to see. Good works produce love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. The motivation to do good works comes from God through the Holy Spirit. Our works are the visual display of an unseen faith. We are saved for good works, not by them. The work we do as Christians is a testimony to the world of Whose we are.

We are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works. - Eph. 2:10

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Posted by Katie at 9:55 AM

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Monday, May 26, 2008

Stepping Out of the Desert

For those of you keeping up with the Sisters' Weblog, you will know that I, Sue, have been suffering through a spiritual depression, struggling through a very dry and dark desert, and this has been hindering my Christian walk in the Lord as well as relationships with my brothers and sisters in the faith. I have been searching and searching for a way out and my efforts have been falling quite short. Horizon to horizon I have only seen a parched land dotted with the remains of a withering harvest pining for a desert rain.

I have learned some things about enduring the desert and someday I plan to share about that, however, I recently experienced a breakthrough. I feel it is necessary to share about this if only to offer hope to those in the same place. Also, if you haven't already seen this, check out the video I posted below of Kim Walker leading worship to the song "How He Loves Us". It is quite impacting and it will literally draw you into worship. The melody will stay with you and the lyrics are something you need to hear and repeat to yourself many times a day.

I'm still cautious about claiming that the desert is in my rear view mirror, but I do know that I am taking my first steps out!

What you are about to read are my journal entries from this past Sunday (05/18/08) through Tuesday (05/20/08).

5/18/08

Justin graduated today and I am so proud! As all the celebration was going on all around today, I was keenly aware of the stirring in my heart that was aroused in worship last night. I experienced what I might call a “re-awakening” – a new sense of Whose I am. Was it so simple that all this time I’ve been spiritually dry, that all I needed was some focused worship? That all I needed was guided prayer and the time to be contemplative? I can’t explain any of this. I know I have more steps to take, but last night something special happened within me. I felt God again. I felt Him loving me. It was joyous and wondrous and meaningful. I want to go back to it. The experience has reignited hope again. I have hope that God really is alive and active in me.

Nights like last night can not be planned. Check it out – I arrive and once the worship team comes out the leader announces something “different” for the night. There will be a short message, but the evening was going to be dedicated to worship, a night of singing and praising and worship. My reaction was one of displeasure at this prospect since I’m not a “clapper” or a “worshiper”, at least not demonstratively. I thought “Oh great, just great”. So the music begins and I settle in for much more music to come. I listened for awhile and absorbed the sounds and the lyrics and then I felt a nudge to pray. People were standing and worshiping as I chose to remain in my seat having no clue that my life was about to be so heavily impacted. I finally gave in and started to pray. It was difficult for me to focus – prayer has been so difficult for so long, for so many years. Still, I persisted. I felt, literally felt, called to pray.

I guess my praying last night was my sacrifice of praise. As I persevered into prayer it became easier to focus. I let the music take me and the prompts guide me to Him. Soon I was there before Him, before His Throne.

I didn’t know what to say. I said nothing for a time. Praise Him? Thank Him? Adore Him? I was feeling at a loss, somewhat foolish, mostly unworthy. I sat with head in hands grasping for the words to talk to my King. They didn’t come easy, but little by little they began to trickle forth.

My prayer was clunky and all over the place, but I realized something – I realized He was listening. It has been a very long time since I felt God was listening to me, since I felt like He cared, really cared. It stunned me. I smiled. I treasured the moment, those few moments I sat and was talking into my Father’s ear that was turned toward me. At that moment all I could do is thank Him for listening, thank Him for that moment, the music, the atmosphere, the family of God I was in the midst of, the friends He has given me, the deeper relationships He is growing between myself and my sisters in Christ. I found myself thanking Him for life and for loving me despite how wasteful I have been with it.

This was a Divine Connection I was experiencing. Really experiencing. It can only be attributed to the Divine.

The worship continued and the music permeated my ears seeking the thoughts of my heart, hunting them down, coaxing them out and carrying them to the Lord. It started to become easier. There was a free flowing communication in this connection. I had felt that before, but it had been so long. For so long I have been reminiscing about how at one time in my spiritual life I shared an open connection with the Lover of my soul. I could hear Him and I could feel Him, and for years now I have not felt that at all. All I’ve heard is deafening silence. All I’ve felt is numb.

Now, here I was suddenly and unexpectedly swept up in His Arms. Truly, it caught me off guard. Remember? I was actually disappointed when the worship leader announced that the evening was to be devoted to worship with music and singing. I was there for the message. I was there to hear a word through teaching. That’s how God talks to me. I can’t pray, I’m not much into corporate worship so He speaks through sermons and people talking and sharing with me. He speaks to me, well at least He used to, through His Word. I wasn’t expecting burning bushes, angelic appearances, or a talking ass; I was just hoping I’d hear something from Him through a message. Instead, there would be a “short” message and lots and lots and lots or praise and worship. So, I wasn’t looking forward to the evening.

Then, it happened. He touched me. He was listening to me and I had to tell Him what I was thinking. I had to tell Him what I was feeling. Much of my time in this spiritual desert, especially over this last year, has been spent wondering why I am in the desert, how I got there and how to get out. I’ve sought to get out by various means; listening to sermons, seeking my mentors to help guide me out, asking for prayer since mine do not work, doing studies, discarding books about the Bible in favor of the Bible itself, cutting out my talk radio addiction, pulling myself away from the computer, reaching out to others in order to “do life together” and build relationships with others, stepping outside my comfort zone. None of these ideas were fruitful. Nothing worked. Not one thing I was doing, or have been trying to do, has worked. Nothing. I’d get a glimmer now and then, a little something to cling to, a small reminder that God does love me, but even though I have always believed it, and I have always known it, I wasn’t feeling it. I desperately wanted to feel it. I wanted to feel His Presence.

Then, there I was – feeling Him. Oh the joy! What I was experiencing seemed foreign to me, but I was breathing it in! I was breathing Him in. He was the air I breathe and I hate that song! (Don’t really hate it, I’m just sick of it.)

As I looked around I saw a great witness of worshipers. I was seeing outward signs of worship, but I was bursting within. I saw faces aglow, arms raised high, eyes closed and lips praising through songs, but I was quiet, contemplative, motionless, yet basking in His glory. I didn’t know these songs, but my heart was singing them to my Father anyway. My meager words are not expressing the experience and the rush of those moments that night. I kept repeating in my mind “only say the word and I shall be healed.” I had believed Him for healing once and He was faithful. He is always faithful! I shall be healed, I shall walk out of the desert!

He was alive and in me and I could feel Him! Do you understand how awesome that feeling is? Do you know how long it has been ? Do you know how refreshing this is? Thank you God!

5/19/08

So then the music was silenced. Time for the message – but I no longer wanted the message – I had already received the message! I heard! The message was delivered through that still small voice that whispered “I love you” with such pinpoint precision that it penetrated a hairline crack in the stony heart of mine. Almost instantaneously I felt a softening. A relief of sorts.

So after having been “rudely” interrupted by a message, again the music and prayer was lifted up. I soaked it all in. I soaked in Him. I was savoring this time of talking to my Father and knowing, f e e l i n g , He was listening and there with me! You HAVE NO IDEA!! NO IDEA!! Literally my face began hurting because I was smiling so much – involuntarily I might say.

I was rejoicing! I am rejoicing! I feel awake again! He Word is alive and active in me! Could this be the end of the desert? Is this the breakthrough I have been pining for? I admit I am somewhat reluctant to embrace the possibility. Which then makes me feel unworthy of Him because I’m lacking faith and not trusting that He really can lift me out of the pit in the fullness of time, which to me may seem like suddenly, out of nowhere – but to Him the timing is Perfect as is He. Could it be that He has pined for this moment too? Could it be that He has wanted this as much as I?

I want to celebrate, but I feel foolish. I want to be glad, but is it premature? Oh God make my brain bow down! Where is my child-like faith?

Is this real? Is it really You? What am I talking about? Yes, of course it is You.

Then I think about the irony of last Saturday evening. It should be highly unlikely for me that God would choose worship time to make the Divine Connection. Logically, at least for most, it would seem the perfect time, but I am not a “normal” worshiper. I like to become “invisible” during worship and allow things to go on around me. I will listen intently to melodies and rhythm and devour lyrics and the open spaces where silences fall. I will look around at faces lost in worship that feel blessed to be in His Presence. I internalize and ponder but for the life of me never expected to encounter God in the midst of worship when I only participate “on the surface.” I don’t know – worship is personal, individual and I have a tendency to withdraw from corporate worship settings – like I don’t fit there.

5/20/08

Oh God! It has been three days and I still feel refreshed and alive. I’m starting to believe this is for real. Still, I have mortal moments that snap me back and threaten to interrupt communication with my Father. Having had the sweetness of His Touch revitalize my soul though, has given me a taste to crave again. Oh God help me push these hindrances out of my way so that I will continue to encounter you in this very personal and meaningful way. (The fact that I used the word “way” twice in that sentence is bothering me.)

This is all virtually unexpected – not that I haven’t believed He would rescue me, but I didn’t see it coming. Not that night. Not in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people and unfamiliar music, unfamiliar voices, unfamiliar words, sights and sounds. I never saw it coming but oh how I have hoped that it would. Deliverance – to the Promised Land – a place He will not withhold from me. A place He has not withheld from me.

“So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about the way He loves us.”
Those are recently discovered lyrics from “How He Loves Us”, a worship song performed by Kim Walker. (See video below)

This is a gift. I wish to accept it. To embrace it. To ponder it. Treasure it.

It bloggles the mind!

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 6:35 PM

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Monday, May 19, 2008

How He Loves Us

I challenge you to watch this all the way to the end.

We are never the same after we encounter the love of God.

Kim Walker "How He Loves Us"

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 9:14 PM

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Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Prayer - An Offensive Weapon

I worked on preparing a lesson one night. A few years ago each member of our SaLT group was assigned to do a lesson one of the parts of the Armor of God. I said "I want an offensive weapon!" (they asked, "why, because you are offensive?" LOL) and I asked to do a lesson on prayer. I found some interesting stuff about prayer and also went back to some old studies I have done to gather my info. I wanted to show prayer as a weapon in spiritual warfare and also the power that is in prayer. I don't want to mess around with little handguns...I want to show the big weapons! I want to reveal the atomic bomb of prayer!

After demonstrating how prayer is an effective weapon, I wanted to look at the best example of a prayer, Jesus Christ.

I decided to look at the ways and whens of Jesus' prayers and the results of those prayers. This is a summary of what I learned.

Refueling and Gaining Strength: Jesus often retreated to the mountain side or the garden to pray alone after teaching and healing. He did this to "refuel" and to learn God's Will for his next move. (Mark 1: 5, Luke 5:15)

Avoiding Temptation: Jesus taught about prayer (obviously) and made sure it was understood that prayer was the way to avoid temptation. (Matthew 26:41, Luke 22:40)

Decision Making: In Luke 6:12 after praying Jesus came down from the mountain and chose His disciples. That was a pretty important step in his ministry! They would be the ones to carry on His teaching.

Opening Connections: In Luke 9:28 after praying he was transfigured before the disciples there with him. His face glowed and clothes became bright. That's a pretty powerful prayer and open connection to the Father!

Opening Heaven: In Luke 3:21 we learn of Jesus' baptism and when Jesus prayed, "the heaven's opened" and the dove descended to Him. What I find interesting as well is that in Acts 7:54 Stephen prayed as he was about to be stoned to death. When Stephen prayed he saw the "heavens open". Eventually his spirit went to be with the Lord.

Prayer causes the heavens to open!

Heaven opened to allow the Spirit to descend on me when I prayed to receive Christ. At my death, the heavens will again open to receive the Spirit back. cool.

If prayer opens the heavens, OPENS THE HEAVENS, why don't we pray more often? Prayer is very powerful! Heaven opening is a direct connection to God, the Creator of heaven and earth...HE OPENS HIMSELF UP WHEN WE PRAY TO HIM! That is pretty awesome! Prayer moves mountains, opens the heavens...THAT IS MORE POWERFUL THAN AN ATOMIC BOMB AND IT IS AVAILABLE TO ALL CHRISTIANS, who are called to pray, and PRAY EMPOWERING PRAYERS!

PRAY PRAY PRAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reposted from 5/13/03

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 12:39 AM

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Thursday, May 08, 2008

Questioning Forgiveness

What does God require of us to be forgiven?

Do we really need to repent?

Are we forgiven even before we sin? or after we sin?

Is forgiveness different for those who are not children of God? Are there those that God does not forgive?

I get stuck on these questions a lot. I wonder about forgiveness and the difference or similarities of "giving it to God".

If a person wrongs you and then comes to you to ask forgiveness, without a doubt you are commanded to forgive.

If a person wrongs you and never asks forgiveness and continues to wrong you, what is the point in forgiveness? Some say "forgiveness isn't for the offender in that case, it's for you, your peace of mind." But then I ask, if forgiveness is for the one who was offended, why would God ever forgive? Does God need to forgive for His peace of mind?

Are we really required to forgive those who wrong us, who never ever repent, and then continually wrong us? Or, are we asked to give that person/situation over to God. Let God deal with that person and remove ourselves from harms way?

Is forgiveness a "two-way" deal? Can there be true forgiveness if one party doesn't want it? Would God forgive me if I didn't ask?

I do wonder sometimes if we require more of ourselves than God himself requires when if comes to forgiveness. If God forgives when we repent, shouldn't we require the same?

Maybe forgiveness is the actual act of handing over an unrepentant offender to the Lord. If we can do this, we are acting biblically. We are maintaining our relationship with the Father and not allowing unforgiviness to become a sin "of the mind" that would hinder our relationship with God.

This is one of those things that keeps me up at night...pondering.

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Matthew 6:14-15)
At first glance it seems that verse is teaching that God only forgives us when and if we forgive others who may have wronged us. As I examine this closer I see that it is possibly teaching that not forgiving = sin, and that sin of unforgiveness is what is separating us from God's forgiveness.

God's forgiveness: It bloggles the mind!

Repost from 2/17/04

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 10:37 AM

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Thursday, May 01, 2008

For Tradition's Sake!

Growing up I have been exposed to many traditions. Some are family traditions while others are cultural and/or religious. Recently I have found myself on a quest for truth regarding Christmas and Easter. Now, I'm not going into all the details of the discoveries I have made regarding pagan practices vs. God glorifying practices, but I do have a problem with the fact that Christians who know the Truth continue to celebrate traditions filled with flaws.

For instance, how many kings were present at the stable when Jesus was a "babe in a manger"?

Answer: None!

There were no kings and no wisemen present when Jesus was born. Wisemen came to see King Jesus when he was a toddler and he wasn't in a manger! There is only one King who really stands out to me and he didn't come to present Jesus with gifts!

This is just one simple example of many many stories that have been passed down through the ages amongst Christians...folklore presented as truth for the sake of tradition. For years...even now, I find myself guilty of falling into patterns of living for tradition's sake. Where does that leave God?

I have to question....

Is it harmless? What if Jesus came to visit a local church at Christmas time to see the portrayal of His birth? Would he sit silently or would he correct our misinterpretations?

Where does this leave me? What will I do differently?

I don't have an answer at this time. I only know that I will continue on my quest...while searching my heart and seeking God for answers.

When asking religious leaders why Christians continue to practice things that are not true and teach them as if they are, they don't seem to think there is anything wrong with it. They think it's okay as long as the point is made.

Is it okay to create confusion for a new believer right from the start?

Lies, lies and more lies:

A friend made an excellent point. He said that we indirectly teach our children to worship Santa, the Easter Bunny, even the Tooth Fairy...eventually they learn that it's all a lie. Then we tell them about Jesus and expect them to believe?

My words are not written in judgement or accusation. Perhaps they are written from personal conviciton. Or perhaps they are simply the ponderings of my heart as I hunger for Truth.

Today's Flavor Shot:

Deuteronomy 13: 29-32
Don't worship the Lord your God the way pagan nations worship their Gods.

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Posted by Katie at 7:06 PM

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Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The Expense of Church

Katie originally posted this in March of 2003. The points are still valid and I thought I'd repost it again as food for thought.

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I remember when I was young. Christians attended church to hear the word of God taught. There were family outings at the park and tithes paid for materials for Sunday school. That was sufficient. Now, in a world of "No matter how much you have, you always want more, bigger, better", I am somewhat convicted. Has this philosophy of life penetrated into the church? The service isn't enough anymore. Even with all the talent and drama and music of today that is so awesome, we still want more. Now we go to seminars and conferences that are becoming more and more popular. Christian concerts are no longer taking up love offerings. They are charging more money for tickets than many secular music shows. I know.....they have to make a living. It's expensive to put on the big shows and seminars. I must say, I have attended and will continue to attend these things as long as God makes a way for me to do it. I do grow in many ways and I definitely benefit from it. I think the biggest reason I attend these events is not actually the event itself. It's the fellowship. It's spending the night in a hotel and traveling with my sisters in Christ. I love, getting to know them on a more personal level. I love it. I'm not here to bash anybody or criticize. I'm just trying to sort some things on my heart.

For example:

This month Sue and I are attending a conference. In order to attend, the cost (excluding hotel and all but two lunches) is $99.00 per person. This is for 3 sessions over two days. At church today, in the bulletin, we were informed that we had to pay the deposit of $40.00 for the youth trip and the remainder of the $246.00 can be paid later. Then, I was approached by the interpretive movement instructor that I would need to purchase ballet slippers, tights and leotards in order for my daughter to be a part of the Easter presentation. This should come to at least $50.00.

Today, there was an awesome sermon. I was so blessed by it and the praise and worship. I felt renewed, refreshed and stronger against the financial blows I have been receiving this year. Then, I read the bulletin, was approached about the things my daughter would need, and thought about how much money Sue and I have been asked to spend the past two weeks. Not including hotel costs for next weekend, the total comes to approximately $500.00. I must say, it put a damper on my spirit before I even walked out the door. I wanted to cry. Not because of the expense, but because I am wondering.......Is this really necessary? Jesus asks us to be like Him. He had nothing but the clothes on his back and the shoes on his feet. People followed him everywhere and he didn't charge one dime. He offered himself freely to all who came. He gave His love, His time, His attention, His loving discipline, His knowledge, His wisdom, His strength, His body, His blood, His life. He gave. GAVE! He gave it all freely and for freedom's sake.

So, do we need all this entertainment? If so, I have to wonder why? Sure it's fun. I can see this from both sides. I think it's wonderful that we have the awesome music that we have now. I love it! I love going to the concerts and I love the fulfillment that comes from conferences. It was at a Beth Moore conference where I received the calling to minister to women and to attend school for this. I am in college now because of that conference. I can see that lives are changed. I praise God that I am so blessed that somebody paid for me to go. She knew God wanted me there. He will always make a way for His will to be done. It can be really fun in the process.

When I approached a precious friend today in regards to the youth trip, I asked, "Do you really think it's necessary that the kids go on a trip that is so expensive? Shouldn't there be some conviction?" She lovingly told me that she can understand my concern but that all the churches are doing it now and it is a very fulfilling experience in many ways. She said it is in-depth Bible study, and it also helps build relationships amongst the youth. She also made the point that it can be very expensive to put up the kids and feed them for a week. I can see her point. Okay, so lets all chip in, rent a couple cabins nearby in a campground, bring our own food and relax in the midst of God's creation. That would reduce the cost wouldn't it? But, would the kids be satisfied with that? If not, then why not? Is it because all the other churches are doing bigger and better things? Oh, okay so then it's right isn't it? Or is it?

Has the church become like the world in the aspect of not being content to gather in God's house and worship God without all the added expense of ballet costumes and fancy choir robes? Can we not learn and grow in our relationships to God and one another without spending thousands of dollars every year on conferences and materials? I am not knocking what is being done. I'm just trying to see things from All perspectives including and especially Gods. Are we a part of the body because we truly seek to please Him and fulfill His purpose in our lives? Or are we just part of the body because it's fun? I love that my kids anticipate going to church. But, if the trips stopped and we went back to studying the word of God with nothing but the Holy Spirit, our church leaders, praise, worship and the Bible would everybody quit meeting? Do these trips cause us to focus or keep us from focusing on the right things?

Okay, I'm about to digress. Each week I meet in the homes of my family SaLT members. We meet together for study, reflection, and fellowship. The homes we meet in are BEAUTIFUL! I sit there and think about how I would love to have a beautiful home like this one or that one. I even get envious sometimes and have to call on God to put things back into perspective. I would love to have a beautiful home, a wonderful husband and a family gathering around the fireplace to sing Christmas carols near the grand piano at Christmas every year. Most anybody would. But, at the same time, there is this other side of me (Maybe I'm schizophrenic) that feels compelled to give up material possessions in order to be better focused and able to do the will of God. This side of me wants to forget "things" and focus on the calling God has given me. I wonder if having a house would just be a distraction from my call. It would be something that would give me roots and plant me in one place. I would have to have a steady job to pay the bills and It would take away the freedom that I would have (after my kids are grown) to pick up and go wherever God leads.

I am by no means saying that it is wrong for people to have a nice home and material possessions. God lays different convictions on different hearts and I believe it all depends on what His calling is for their life. I'm not saying that it is wrong for the youth to go on this trip. I just can't help but wonder the kind of message that is sent to the poor and needy of the world when they don't know where their next meal is coming from and they learn of the money that is being spent by the church for elaborate youth camps and trips. Aren't we called to minister to the poor and needy? This doesn't just mean baskets at Christmas time! Wouldn't this money be better spent on a missionary trip? I don't know. I am not complaining at all. I just want to know if we are dong the right thing. Just because it's what everybody else is doing doesn't make it right. I have struggled with this for years. I just pray that God will give me an answer. I pray that He will once and for all grant me peace with my convictions. Should I continue to stand against these activities or should I accept them as part of His plan that I can't see?

Well, I've babbled on long enough. I wish I could say that I feel better now. I guess it's time to pray again.

Father,
I want to be like the lilies of the field.
Amen.

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 9:50 AM

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Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Witness a Christian

Are you the same person at church as you are at work? at home? at the grocery store?

I try to be. If I wouldn't feel comfortable doing or saying something at church, I won't do it or say it at work, home, or the store. Do I sometimes? Unfortunately, and regretfully I do. Sometimes I do not draw on the strength of the Spirit to have a heart like Christ. I am often convicted about the state of my heart, not having right attitudes, choosing inappropriate words, and behaving in ways opposite that how a person representing Christ should behave. (Kind of like Paul, eh?)

When I do not have on the full armor of God, I am susceptible to the enemy. The enemy is not stupid, and he knows exactly the areas in which I am weak. That is exactly where he attacks. In my situation it is usually my time. I want my time to be MY time...know what I mean? Sometimes I feel so selfish just wanting some time to MYself, but I need it and desire it. I am also a very impatient person but God is working in that area of my life. I can tell because I keep ending up in circumstances that require a great deal of patience! Katie keeps telling me "If you would hurry up and get some patience, you might not find yourself in these situations so much!" LOL Thing is, I know that when I do grow in that area, the situations will still be there, but it will be my reaction to them that will have matured.

The Christian walk is a journey. God is taking all the crooked lines in our lives and making them straight. Some of the crooked lines are easily bendable, while others require a bit more, well...a little more "coaxing".

It is important to remember through all of our growing what our main job is: Mark 16:15 "He said to them, 'Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation.'" Jesus commanded his followers to be witnesses. He also reminded them that they were going out like "sheep among wolves."

Jesus didn't just send them out. He "armed" them. He had taught them what, and how to teach and he also gave them a bit of advice. He said "I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves." (Matt 16:10)

I think for the majority of people, the "shrewed as snakes" comes a bit easier than the "innocent as doves" part. Jesus was telling his followers to be intelligent and watchful...He also told them that they would be watched, that their behavior is closely monitored by the world.

Christians are watched. I know I am at work, especially when circumstances arise where decisions on personnel are being made. I know my staff is wondering "how will she handle this?" Katie watches me, as my accountability partner, and calls me on my bad attitudes and if I may be straying from God's path. I never get far before she tenderly guides me back to the light. I know I am watched. The Spirit within me is the first line of defense for those moments that may jeopardize my witness.

What does "be as innocent as doves" mean? The dove is a symbol of peace, and also one of purity as evidenced by its use in early religious sacrifices. The dove symbolizes a childlike purity, an innocence, which is yet vulnerable to the evils of the world.

Evils are all around us, temptations are everywhere, but Jesus says "be innocent as doves". Easier said than done, but what are some ways we can make that happen in our own lives? I have a couple suggestions:

1. Watch what you say Ecclesiastes 10:12 "Words from a wise man's mouth are gracious, but a fool is consumed by his own lips." James 3:6 "The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell." Words can hurt. Words also reveal the heart. One that spews curses or insults is not a problem of the mouth, it is a problem of the heart. Matthew 12:34 "You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks." Instead of words that hate, words that hurt, let us use words like Paul prayed for in Ephesians 6:19-20 "Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should." A Christian should use his mouth to spread the good news.

2. Watch what you do I Peter I:13-14 "Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance." 1 John 3:17-19 "If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence." Rest in his presence. Rest? I do not rest when I know I have spoken in error. I do not rest when I know I have not done God's Will. I desire to feel that rest that God is so willing and merciful to give me. That rest comes when we are "as innocent as doves".

A Christian witness is a follower of Christ, the Son of God. We are righteous only through Christ and by nothing we have done or could do. God calls us to share His Good News with the world, and has given us guidelines and an example, Jesus, to follow. It is His Grace and Mercy that cover us when we fail, but we should "press on toward the goal" always!

Your words today...think about them. Why were they spoken? Did they demonstrate your love for Christ? or His Love for you? What's your heart condition?

Your actions today...think about them. Why did you do that? Did it demonstrate God's Love and Mercy?

The world is watching, will it witness a Christian?

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Thursday, April 24, 2008

God and His Promises

I say no, God does not break his promises. Then why am I confused when I read Numbers 14?

30 "Not one of you will enter the land I swore with uplifted hand to make your home, except Caleb son of Jephunneh and Joshua son of Nun." (NIV)

30 "Doubtless ye shall not come into the land, concerning which I sware to make you dwell therein, save Caleb the son of Jephunneh, and Joshua the son of Nun." (KJV)

29 "You will all die here in this wilderness! Because you complained against me, none of you who are twenty years old or older and were counted in the census 30will enter the land I swore to give you. The only exceptions will be Caleb son of Jephunneh and Joshua son of Nun." (NLT)

30 "Surely you shall not come into the land in which I swore to settle you, except Caleb the son of Jephunneh and Joshua the son of Nun." (NASB)
In any translation it sure looks to me like God says "I swore good things for you, but now I'm telling you that those good things aren't coming...except of course for those lucky dogs Caleb and Joshua" (lucky = obedient/faithful in the Susan L. Prince translation)

This has been bothering me...what exactly did God swear on oath to the Israelites? and did He actually break His promise? So I researched:
Genesis 17
8 The whole land of Canaan, where you are now an alien, I will give as an everlasting possession to you and your descendants after you; and I will be their God." 9 Then God said to Abraham, "As for you, you must keep my covenant, you and your descendants after you for the generations to come. 10 This is my covenant with you and your descendants after you, the covenant you are to keep: Every male among you shall be circumcised." and then we go through all the circumcision stuff blah blah blah...
Ok, so that was the covenant. There's more to it, but for now I will simply say that God promised to multiply Abraham's family and that his name would be known and be given a great nation.

Was the convenant unconditional? Hmmmmm, I think that when God makes a promise, that it really is unconditional. God will keep his promise whether or not the other party keeps theirs. In the end, God will keep His covenant, but it doesn't mean the other party will enjoy it. I think that could be what happened here in Numbers 14. The Israelites complained so much about being in the desert and not really appreciating the fact that God freed them from slavery. They wished that their misery in the desert would just end and they could die. I figure God gave them what they wanted! Still, Abraham's line made it into the land of Canaan, but that ungrateful generation didn't get to enjoy it. What a shame.

When God said "Not one of you will enter the land I swore with uplifted hand to make your home," I think that he wasn't necessarily saying "your" as in all of you here and now, but possibly he means those people. His people, as a whole, not as individuals. He also did give them responsibility when in the covenant He said "As for you, you must keep my covenant, you and your descendants after you for the generations to come"

Did God break His promise? No. Eventually those who were faithful and obedient made it there.

God has promised things for me too. I want to experience those things.

so I can experience the fullness of your glory and the life you wish to give me! Lord, please help me to have faith and trust in you. Let me yield to your Spirit and be obedient Woooooohooooooooooooo!!! I CAN'T WAIT TO LIVE IN THE LAND OF CANAAN! I WANT MY MILK AND HONEY!

So be thankful for where God has you now, whether it be in the desert, or in captivity, or in His freedom. Each stage of life He takes you through is growing you. He is molding you. You are there for a reason. Learn from the Israelites and don't complain. Realize your blessings, He loves you.

I know, easier said than done...I'M TRYING TO DO IT! I KNOW!

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Monday, April 21, 2008

God's Will

Is God's Will being accomplished? Has it always been accomplished? Will it be accomplished if I don't follow God's will? Will it be accomplished if I do my best to always stay in His Will?

I think God's Will is always accomplished. I think He is always working everything together for His good purpose. Those who don't necessarily follow God's will may create detours, but in the end, God's Will is accomplished, it's just that those that don't follow it will not get to enjoy the blessings He showers upon the obedient.

If God is always working and His Will is always done, wouldn't it be better if I just joined in? Why waste time trying to figure out His Will? I mean, He knows what it is...it must be perfect! What He is doing is always best. If I take time to try to figure out what His Will is for me, I am probably missing out on valuable time I could be spending with Him doing His Will!

Jesus said in John 5:19 "I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does. "

Jesus, I know "grew in wisdom". I don't know if He always knew (from childhood) that He was going to the cross...that is probably one of those things people could debate about. I don't believe He always knew exactly what was in store for his life at every moment...he was human, and we don't know that kind of stuff. One thing He did learn, though, was to walk close with God. He was wise, wise enough to know that God was always working, and that God is perfect. When He saw God at work, He joined right in. He was sensitive to God and what God was doing. I don't remember Jesus praying for God to "reveal Your purpose for my life", instead He acknowledged God's Will for His life. Perfect obedience. Never questioning.

Maybe I just need to pay more attention to God and less attention to me. Wax on, wax off. Just do it.

(Re post from June 18, 2003)

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Friday, April 18, 2008

God is Love, Grace, Mercy and Forgiveness

The God I serve is Love.

He is Grace.

He is Mercy and Forgiveness.

What does that mean to me?

His love for me can not be more than it is at this moment. His love can not be less. While human love is conditional, His Divine Love is unconditional. There is nothing I can do to make Him love me more, there is nothing you can do to make Him love me less. People have a tendency to love some people more than others, however, God's love is always the same, for everyone. People also find it easier to love someone who is nice to them, or treats them in a favorable way. God's love can envelope even those who despise Him. Jesus embraced His cross, He took my Sin upon Himself, and died for my sake. He became sin for me, and that sin was nailed to the cross. My sin died there and Jesus set me free from it. There is no greater love than that. (John 15:13)

Katie on retreatGod's Grace is amazing. When I recognized my sinful state for what it was, God's Grace is so amazing that there really is no shame. He even removes shame. When there is repentance, He can forgive and let me have a "do-over". I am reminded of the woman at the well (John 4:1-30), after Jesus finished speaking with this woman who had multiple husbands and was currently living with yet another man, the woman went to town to tell the people who she had just spoken with. She did not hide in shame, instead, she was bragging on Jesus and how he told her "everything she ever did". I find it wonderful that Jesus was able to speak in such love and compassion, that this woman instead of running off in embarrassment and shame, was able to walk away and speak to others about the Christ and His ways.

God uses the Holy Spirit to convict me of my sin and gently restores me. His still small voice can whisper to my heart, point out to me my sin, convict, and remind me of His love and amazing grace. His mercy and His forgiveness are gifts that He offers me to accept and I am so thankful to Him for that. His mercy exists because He has felt what I feel...He suffered as I suffer. Even as He suffered on the cross, He forgave. He forgives me for I know not what I do.Jesus the Comforter

The God I serve offers His love, grace, mercy and forgiveness. When I accept that He smiles.

I do not believe the God I serve smiles when I refuse His love and forgiveness. When I choose sin over an obedient life in Him, He does not smile. He hurts. His heart breaks for the unrepentant. I can't stand to think that I break my Lord's heart! Ever!

God will NEVER smile on sin.

The God I serve offers love, grace, mercy and forgiveness.

Thank you Father. May you give me faith and help me to remain obedient, that I may always feel your smile on me.

(Repost from April 2006)

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Sunday, April 13, 2008

Is There Something To This?

A week or so ago Katie heard a message at a church she visited. She promptly advised me to listen to the podcast because she said it was for me.

Today another friend of mine said that during a message at her church tonight that I was brought to mind. She said it is a good message for me so she brought home a copy of that message on CD so that I might listen to it.

Both messages dealt with unforgiveness and bitterness that can result.

Is there something to this?

Is God using my friends to tell me something?

I don't feel like I have unforgiveness and bitterness...but is it all just hidden and/or unconfessed sin? Are my friends seeing this in me when I can't? Could this be what is hindering my relationship with God?

Why am I up at 1:00 AM?

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Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Experiencing God

As a single person, I unfortunately, find it a lot easier to go out for breakfast than prepare my own at home. Ok, I should restate that and say as a lazy single person.

There are some disadvantages to this...spending the money and also it's most likely not the healthiest food choice, however, there are great advantages.

Some minor advantages are things like; I'm not doing any of the work of preparation or clean-up, and there is a bottomless cup of coffee. I looooove that part...too much...but, I digress.

The greatest advantage of my time spent at various eateries, are the relationships that develop over time with the servers. I genuinely try to get to know the servers that wait on me by name and chat with them when I can. I've spent years trying to share things of God with some people and today I experienced God breaking through, albeit in a small way...for now.

Today at a familar eatery, my server inquired about me and at one point asked if I have ever been married. Weird question, usually I'm asked "are you married", not "have you ever been", but anyway I told her no.

She went on to confess "I think I married the wrong person".

What was I supposed to say to that?

I must have looked somewhat stunned and there was an awkward moment there for sure. She continued on about how her blended family doesn't live like a family because everyone is doing their own thing and no one cares for each other at all. She's afraid to leave because she fears she won't be able to make it on her own. There's a bit more to the story, but I don't feel at liberty to discuss it here.

I wasn't exactly sure what to say, but I figured it was God opening some doors of communication, so I tried to share some encouragement and told her that I will pray for her and her situation. That's all I knew to do, and I have prayed for her, and will continue to lift her up.

God is so merciful and faithful, that even though I am having difficulty trusting Him, He still chooses to use me in His plan. This looks like a wonderful opportunity for me to start sharing about God. Me, experiencing God.

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Friday, April 04, 2008

We Can't See It

I was talking with a friend yesterday because that's what friends do. They talk.

I was sharing some things I don't really like about myself and at one point she pointed out that we often can't see the things that other people love about us. She said (paraphrased) "there are things I love about you and you can't see them."

Such a simple statement. I don't think she could know the profundity of it in that moment she spoke it.

I can't see what it is people love about me? I wonder why that is? Is it because I am so often alone with my own thoughts? And I know my own thoughts?

Why are we sometimes so blinded to the good things about us? Why is it that I am so apt to see how selfish I am? That I so easily focus on my shortcomings?

I mean, if someone calls himself our friend, there obviously must be something that they like about us. I don't normally call myself a friend of someone I don't really like, you know? So, I must have likable parts.

I shared in my SaLT group years ago that I had always felt that I was a good and decent person, but since becoming a Christian (April 4, 1999 - Yay! Today's my born again birthday! I'm 9!) I feel like I am a worse person now. I feel as though I was a better person before I knew the Lord. One wise woman of the Word shared with me that day that when we become Christians our eyes are opened to sin, and the impact of sin. "The closer we get to God, the more 'ick' we see in ourselves". She wasn't saying that to affirm that I was "icky", but rather to teach me that like Isaiah, "I am a man of unclean lips", but went on to explain that we shan't call anything impure that God has made clean. When God looks at me, He doesn't see my "ick", He sees me filtered through His Perfect Son.

I need to get over myself.

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Thursday, April 03, 2008

Christ. Community. Music.

I just received my last issue of CCM Magazine, and it is the LAST printed issue ever. It's going exclusively online.

A few months back, CCM Magazine changed their name/tagline from "Contemporary Christian Music Magazine" to "Christ. Community. Music. Magazine" Good change I thought because CCM doesn't mean the same today as it did two to three decades ago. Christian music has evolved and "CCM" did become quite outdated.

I'm sad. I've subscribed to the magazine for nine years and I will miss it.

While I am an online junkie, I do enjoy reading through a printed magazine; at night before bed, on lunch break at work, in the dentist's waiting room, etc. It's just nice to have a magazine lying around the house for a quick pick up read.

Supposedly the remaining issues on my subscription will rollover to ChristianDigitalStore.com for music downloads, which will suffice, but I'm still sad.

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Wednesday, April 02, 2008

I Messed Up Again

As I have been struggling through my spiritual wilderness, I was listening with intent interest to this today. (Click the link and allow it to load so you can listen while you read.)

What you will hear is just a snippet from a song, but it is a heart cry, my heart's cry at this time.

In this wilderness I sometimes feel I will never emerge from it. Now and then I will have a glimmer of hope that I am hearing from God, that I am sensing His presence, or that maybe I am not as far gone as I think that I am. Unfortunately those moments are fleeting and I am left feeling defeated again. I hold on to hope only because I do trust His Word which teaches me that He will never leave or forsake me. I cling to His promises even though it is sometimes very difficult to muddle through. I know that my Father loves me and can never not love me. He can never love me less than He already does, and He can not possibly love me more. He is love, and I am His.

In this wilderness it is so easy to just feel like I want to "chunk it". You know, just be done with trying to feel anything, it is so exhausting. Isn't that stupid? Or at least I want a "do-over".

I keep trying to do the right things. I am meeting with a woman from church every other week to do Bible study and be transparent. I'm not sure I'm being successful with transparency. I want to get to church, but my work schedule is really hindering that and I have been working more than I have been worshipping. It's really taking a toll on me and I figure it is one way satan is shooting arrows at me. I'm just having difficulty talking about where I am spiritually with anyone because I don't really know where I am. I guess I should just talk to the One who knows where I am. I should just talk to I Am.

I want to want to pray, rather than feel like I have to or that it is such a chore.

I want to be carefree in the Lord as I once was, rather than be strapped to legalistic thinking that I abhor.

I want to open my Bible and see His love, rather than decipher the metaphors and the parables.

I don't understand where I went wrong, but through some of this I can only blame myself for walking off the narrow.

"I messed up again." It's a theme in my life lately.

So, while driving today, I was listening to this music and realized that I am beating myself up. "I messed up again." "I messed up again." "I messed up again."

I keep trying to make myself worthy of God. Duh. Ummmmm...not possible Sue!

I guess I feel that if I can make myself worthy, I'll get out of this desert place I am in. That sure is taking on a lot of responsibility and if I am honest with myself, I know that I can't handle it. I'll just mess up again!

It's time to get down on my knees.

Snippet: Jennifer Knapp "Undo Me" - Jennifer Knapp Live

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Monday, February 18, 2008

Transitions

Change is good, right? I sit here with tears in my eyes as I contemplate the many changes taking place in my life. Moving out of the comfort zone for me has been bittersweet, scary, fun, wonderful, mysterious, confusing, etc...

I have been so happy the last 7 years as a framily with my kids and Sue. Now, Justin is leaving the nest and taking with him all of my "adopted" sons who more than likely won't be coming around anymore.

In His loving provision, God has placed new people in both mine and Sue's lives...possibly taking us in separate directions. This, as beautiful a blessing as it is, is also a struggle for me. I think it's possible that I'm having separation anxiety. It's all happening so fast.

I have met a wonderful person who I have begun sharing my life with. It was all so exciting in the beginning. It still is. But, as I am seeing my life moving into a new direction I'm also spending more time away from home. The relationship I am in right now is somewhat long distance and takes me away many weekends. So, my heart is torn. When I'm away I miss home. When I'm home I miss Steve.

I have loved my life here in my Humboldt home the last 7 years. God has made such wonderful transformations in this family and in me. Now, I wonder, where is He taking me? Where is He taking Sue? Is Justin going to be ok? What will life be like for Tiffany and I? Will we finally become friends? Will she be happy without her brother? What is happening with my new relationship? Will it last or will my heart be broken yet again?

I feel so melancholy about all of this overall but at this very moment I am rejoicing. Tiff has been so sick and unable to rest for the last several days. It's almost time for her pain medicine and she is resting comfortably when usually she is counting down the minutes to the next pill. I am so drained. I have classes tonight and I missed work today. These are the times when God strengthens me. I wonder how it is I keep going, but I do. I haven't had a good night's sleep since Thursday. The last few nights have been especially difficult as I have been worrying about Tiff.

All of this time of focusing on getting Tiff well has left me the opportunity to contemplate the changes taking place. I am excited, and rejoicing yet I feel anxious and sometimes have doubts. I am afraid to step out of this wonderful comfort zone in my home with my framily. I'm afraid of making wrong choices. I'm hopeful in my new relationship. I am excited for Sue and her new friendship that God has provided during this time of transition. At the same time, I am somewhat envious of Ellen sharing the time with my life long best friend that I was once able to. I miss the times Sue and I used to have before I started working , going to school, and now dating. I miss framily nights. I miss God days *tears* and I miss having breakfast with my best friend on Wednesday mornings at Cathey's.

Sue, my precious sister, you will never know how God has blessed my life and the lives of my kids through you. You mean so much more to me than I can ever find the words to express. These have been the best years of my life...really. Some of the most wonderful memories I will always cherish have been the times I have shared with you. God sent you to this family before we even understood what was about to happen. He carried us through such a difficult time of transition and in the process gave us such beautiful memories.

I'm not sure where things are going at this point but I do know changes are happening and there seems to be no stopping it. I can see God working all around us and I marvel in amazement that He takes such time for us. I think I am at a point where I might be having a crisis of belief but I know He will provide for all our needs.

I remember when I first met you, you were studying Experiencing God and experiencing your first COB. Now, in this time of transition, you are studying Experiencing God again. What is God up to???? Will we be ok? I miss you.

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Friday, February 15, 2008

Comfort Zones

In the Rollercoaster Tycoon game I play you can pick up a person, the SIM, and just drop them into another scene. The rollercoaster repair man is comfortably working on one coaster when I pick him up and dangle him near a broken down coaster on the other side of the park and drop him. Suddenly he's on the other side of the amusement park and heading toward another coaster to repair it. I took him out of his comfort zone and now he has to get his bearings in a new environment and get to work on a new task.

God does the same with me. One day things are rolling along, then all of a sudden, I'm picked up and moved to Tennessee. Eight years later, things are rolling along fine, secure in my home and new job. It's good.

Then, things start changing. I'm not feeling so "comfortable" anymore. The kids are growing up. Justin will be moving out, and he's joined the Navy! Tif will be driving soon and gaining even more independence. Katie has a man friend and sure is spending a lot of time with him. Life seems to have hit a couple of bumps in the road for me. I'm starting to feel a bit of uncertainty about the future. He's moving me out of my comfort zone.

Tonight I'm trying to be a good "not the mom" while Tif is sick with fever. I just celebrated the fact that it fell below 100°. But, caring for the sick is NOT in my comfort zone!

Speaking of caring for the sick -- I have a new friend who needs some help since she suffered a physical injury. That's really brought me out of my comfort zone because it is as though God is handing me some responsibility here. He's asking me to step out and serve someone. It's very awkward, but I'm doing it and He's blessing me. Blessing me BIG!

I've also been convicted about being more transparent in my Christian walk. God has provided me some people in my life to help me with this. It is definitely NOT an easy thing to do, be transparent, so again, I am way out of my comfort zone with this.

I am learning that there are wonderful blessings lurking beyond comfort zones. If I were to stay in my comfort zone, those blessings would remain hidden, but now that I am venturing out, I can see with new eyes, from a new perspective, and God then reveals those blessings to me. In fact, He is the source of these blessings and by stepping out, He is requiring me to trust Him. In doing so, I am experiencing Him in new ways, and will hopefully grow ever closer to Him.

I think God sometimes becomes invisible to us in our comfort zones so He moves us out. He can't stand for us not to be able to see him. I think it's like when sunlight shines in the window and you can see the air all full of dust -- that air always looks like that, but we don't notice it until the light shines through. We don't notice God unless we look out from behind the "zone" and into the Light!

We've got to move out of our comfort zones!

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Friday, February 08, 2008

Are We Close to God's Judgement?

I'm stuck on a question in my Bible study: How close do you think your country is to God's judgment? Check one:

  • I do not believe God will bring judgment on my country
  • I believe God's judgment is a long time off
  • I cannot understand why God has waited this long. I believe we are on the verge of a major judgment from God.
  • I believe we are already experiencing a disciplinary judgment like that described in Isaiah 5:1-7.
  • I believe we have already experienced part of God's judgment.
Now, once you choose and answer, you must state what evidence you can give to support it?

And what effect does your belief have on the way you live?

Looking for help here!

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 11:12 PM

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Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Gifted with Singleness

I was talking with a friend last night and I had an "ah-ha!" moment of clarity. I didn't really put it all together until this morning, but when the light came on it was actually refreshing.

I am a single 41 year old woman. To many people this is a weird thing. To the Church (universal) it is a weird thing and sometimes the Church just doesn't know what to do with singles. I'm not talking about singles in their 20s who have yet to be married, but singles 30+ who are not married, never married, and don't look to be anytime soon.

I'm here to say singles are not defective or weird. Singleness really can be a gift.

Katie, my sister in Christ, longs to be a wife. She pines for a soul mate to share her faith in God with and to share a relationship with a husband that represents the relationship of Christ to His church. As long as I have known her, this has been true. She seems to have been created to be a wife. When she hears "singleness is a gift", it is something she can't comprehend.

My other friend and sister in Christ also longs to have a deep intimate relationship with a mate. As we talked last night it became apparent to me that this longing that people have is persistent and can be very frustrating. When she hears "singleness is a gift", it is something she can't comprehend.

Just because someone is single, it doesn't mean they are gifted with it. People really need to stop throwing that phrase around to "comfort" the single person who longs to be in a relationship with a mate. It can be hurtful.

You see, I don't experience a desire to be with someone. I do not burn with passion. I do not have that longing to be anything but what I am, single, and at one point last night I even said "I must be broke".

But, this morning I remembered this:

"I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.

Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." (1 Corinthians 7:7-9)

People casually toss around the phrase "singleness is a gift" but what they mean is "don't feel bad you aren't married, God can use singles too, blah blah blah." This is a misunderstanding of what Paul is teaching to the Corinthians. It never made sense to me until now. I'd wonder why on earth, if God created us as relational beings, singleness would ever be a gift, but now I get it!

I can go to a restaurant and sit by myself totally content. Singles not gifted with singleness can find themselves less than content when the hostess says "just one?" Some attend church and feel self-conscious because they are seated alone, but not me. (Although, I am blessed to have many sisters in Christ who join me in worship and also couples who invite me to sit with them -- sometimes I may take them up on it, sometimes not.) Sometimes I wonder why other people are uncomfortable with single people sitting alone, maybe because it seems like such a foreign concept? People describe to me their desire to be "held" and be close to someone, but while I won't say I wonder what that might be like, it is not something that consumes my thought life. It really isn't a sad and pathetic thing to a person gifted with singleness!

Sometimes I think I want a relationship, but I think I "want" that only because that seems to be "normal". I even filled out a profile on Christian Cafe -- the lack of results just confirms my gift of singleness! Katie thought my lack of responses may be due to what I posted! LOL

In talking with my friends I have concluded that some people have a burning desire to be with that someone special. Sometimes that desire is so strong it can lead to temptations that are dangerous. One might say it borders on torment.

It dawned on me that many people "burn with passion". The gift of singleness is the fact that I don't burn with passion!

It is a gift to be single and not burn with passion. That is the gift of singleness.

If one burns with passion, and can't control themselves, the Bible instructs one to marry. If one is gifted to be single, praise God!

I am truly gifted with singleness. It is God's will and He invites me to join Him in His work. He uses my singleness to accomplish His work through me. My prayer is that I be obedient and moldable.

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 10:36 AM

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Monday, February 04, 2008

Staying Moldable, It's Too Hard

I am studying Henry Blackaby's "Experiencing God". Blackaby says that in our walk with God we will experience a Crisis of Belief which will require a Major Life Adjustment. When God reveals Himself to us as He pursues a loving relationship, it requires a response. He will ask us to respond and what we do next will reveal what we believe about God to be true. In other words, faith = action.

One of the women I am discipling with said "...if I am looking to God daily for His will, I am staying moldable in His hand, why would there need to be major adjustments?"

GOOD QUESTION!

I would say that the "being moldable" is the "major adjustment". If you are not moldable, you would resist any shaping whatsoever, therefore you would not make any adjustment at all.

An example: When I was moldable, God said "quit your job, leave your home, move to a foreign land". I literally was studying the Crisis of Belief (which came to be known as a "COB" in my Experiencing God class) when I was having a crisis of major proportions! A few months later I quit my job, left my home and moved to West TN. Now there's that MAJOR life adjustment! He then molded me and shaped me through those times for His work. His work was delivering one of His children from the bondage of abuse. He worked through me to do that. I experienced God in amazing ways because I allowed Him to TOTALLY MESS UP MY LIFE! *tongue in cheek* (truth in sarcasm).

However, somewhere along I had a few more COBs and started to resist them and any major life adjustments. It's too hard to stay moldable.

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 11:47 PM

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Sunday, February 03, 2008

Cha-cha--cha-changes

"Changes aren't permanent but change is."

That's one of my favorite quotes.

Life for me is slightly different today than it was a few months ago.

Katie is busy enjoying a new relationship with a man she met a couple of months ago. That is making me feel a bunch of things: uneasy, melancholy, scared, excited, happy, sad, but mostly good because I really believe she is meant to be a wife. It's just obvious that God created her for that role. So far she is having a good time learning about him and they are really hitting it off well. Looks like a possible match.

Justin is no longer a civilian. He is signed on for the Navy and will leave in September for basic. He's growing up and will soon be out on his own.

Tiffany is growing into a beautiful young woman and although my relationship with her has been strained in recent years, it seems that is changing. She is maturing and it is really nice to watch and be a part of. I hope someday she understands how important she is to me.

Katie and her kids are my framily and all these changes and possible changes have me slightly frightened that they may be moving on to new lives that won't necessarily include me as they do now. Not that I will be dumped or anything, but that things will just be different. I imagine a pretty lonely house and it's a bit disconcerting.

Nothing will be happening in the near near future, but the prospect of Katie getting married off and moving on is starting to be a real possibility and just has me thinking.

While all that is going on I have been developing some new friendships as well. I think God is providing.

I have been deepening a relationship with a wonderful woman of faith who is very special to me. I meet with her every couple of weeks at her home which is awesome. I look forward to that time together with her as we do some Bible study, just talk and get to know each other better, pray and laugh together. We will soon be meeting to discuss our latest study which is Experiencing God. I'm very excited to share with her what God is doing in my life and I can't wait to hear how He is working in hers. So God has provided a mentor and a new friend for me. I'm learning to be transparent with her and she is helping to guide me in the faith. She seems to be enjoying time with me as well, so all is cool with that!

I have also been spending time with another new friend in recent weeks. Actually the circumstances surrounding that are rather unlike me, but then again, maybe not since there is precedent for me meeting people via the Internet (see "Friends"). Yep, met this person through blogging and it seems we enjoy each others company so it looks like I have a new friend! Yay! I am an introvert and I am normally not comfortable meeting new people, but maybe that is something God is changing in me. Who knows? We have our faith in common and have spent some time discussing things and experiences just getting to know one another. I don't really know where God is leading all this, but I'm having fun and enjoying it.

So, that's just a few of the changes that I am experiencing and/or may be coming my way!

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 9:48 PM

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Saturday, February 02, 2008

Ever Have a Moment?

Ever have a moment when you wonder how a loving God can allow such a terrible thing, yet in that same moment as thoughts overlap, He's all you are hanging onto?

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 11:00 PM

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Thursday, January 24, 2008

Spiritual Depression Guest Post

I'd like to thank Ellen Kimbro of Faith Matters at the Jackson Sun for finding my thoughts on Spiritual Depression guest post worthy. Starting last January 14th , she began posting parts of my "essay" on Spiritual Depression. This writing was actually taken from some things I had shared with her through email, and she asked me to edit it into a post. I was humbled to oblige and now that the series has run, I thought I'd post it here in it's entirety.

I posted previously a basic outline of some of my struggle with spiritual depression, and this is a bit more in depth as I share some of what God has and is teaching me through it.

So here it is:

Spiritual Depression is something all Christians endure. You have either gone through a season already, you are currently suffering through one as am I, or you will in the future wander into the dark and dry place. There are different reasons people end up in a spiritual desert and they may include physical ailments, broken relationships, difficult life circumstances, financial trouble, troubling church issues...etc. This post is simply some fairly random thoughts about the spiritual depression I am currently experiencing and is intended to offer hope to the reader. There is hope because spiritual depression is one tool through which God molds you. It is also something that has been experienced by Jesus Himself! I am praying that this post may also offer some practical suggestions on things one may do while in the desert that may help one find a way out.

From my own experience in this desert I can tell you that it wasn't easy for me to finally even admit I was in a dark, dry, and seemingly lonely place. I felt guilt just for having wandered into it, and feel guilt being stuck in it. Now that I have shared my circumstance with some select people, at times it still feels dark and very dry, in fact my soul is parched, but it is not as lonely. Many before me have wandered into this desert place, many will follow after, and I have learned that indeed, there are some in here with me. I am learning to thank God for this desert because it is an experience He is allowing for a reason. I'm just now beginning to understand some of the things He is teaching me.

I want to "go back" to what it used to "feel like". I do have a desire to be "carefree in the Lord" as a friend of mine calls it. I always say "I just wish it could be like it was when I first moved here." One of my spiritual mentors asked me something the last time we met, “You say you want to go back to what it felt like when you first knew Christ and first moved here...is that what you really want?"

Some background: I was newly saved when I moved here in January 2000. Totally ON FIRE for the Lord! I remember driving down the road thinking "this is awesome! The sun is shining on my face, the wind is at my back, and the road is rising to meet me. When you are walking with Him, He makes everything come together and it all works out! Life is good!” Literally! I can literally remember that day I thought that! The sky was a deep blue, the temperature outside was mild, quite a refreshing mild in January when I was used to frigid temperatures having come from the Midwest, and a slight breeze was blowing. You see, once I was saved the Lord led me from IA to TN (long story)...I quit my job with no new one lined up. I left my home, with only a temporary solution once I arrived in TN. Once I got here, I had a new job within 4 days, had a roof over my head, and all was good. I had in mind what God's plan was for me and it was so great! I thought that living as a Christian was going to be a piece of cake and now that I was in the "bible belt", totally surrounded by people of the same faith, it was going to be easy and glorious! I was very wrong about God's plan, or at least about how things were going to unfold. I was so naive.

I answered my friend and said "I understand that my new found faith was very emotional, but it was naive." I don't want my faith in the Lord to be grounded in emotion. It is like any love relationship, it's all "feel good" at the start, but time wears on and the novelty wears off. There needs to be depth for real love to take root. There needs to be fertile soil. The love I want to have for God is a total trust kind of love. A contentment in the fact that God's love for me is for who I am and who He created me to be. There is nothing anyone can say to change God's love for me, there is nothing anyone can do to make Him love me less, and there is NOTHING I can do to make Him love me more. He just loves me. He knows nothing else! He is love!

Christians are blessed with spiritual gifts. They are given by God to edify the body and glorify Him. Unfortunately, when spiritual gifts are not honed and practiced correctly, they can have an "opposite". I've learned that my spiritual gifts of discernment, wisdom and prophecy can actually hinder me in the areas of being critical and judgmental and I am learning to deal with that. (I have a LONG way to go too!)

Those with the gift of compassion have an "opposite" as well...which may be getting pulled into the area of seeing only negative (glass half empty), feeling guilty because you can't help more, always seeing a need...etc. Now, consider Jesus Christ. He embodies compassion. His life on this earth exemplified compassion. His pure heart was troubled by the sufferings of His people. He traveled and taught as much as He could while He was here with us, (Emmanuel), and at times I bet His heart was burdened so much for us that it broke. I wonder sometimes how this reflected in His countenance. I mean, how can a man walk around and see the suffering and injustice that He did and not look downtrodden? The Bible never really says "...and this cool dude Jesus had people following him all over the place because he was so much fun to be around. He was always smiling and just had this way with people. People loved him and wanted to be near him," but, because of the fact crowds followed him...I believe he must have had charisma. He had a magnetic personality and people were attracted to that. I imagine he liked to "play", the equivalent of throwing the ball around today, tossing the Frisbee, and maybe splashing in puddles, just to be with people. That kind of thing makes people like you and want to be around you. He was invited to parties a lot and people enjoyed opening their homes to Him. I think he often wore a smile, after all, He was spending His time with those He loved dearly...although rarely do artist renditions depict a smiling Christ. Now think about that, it is such a contradiction...a man walking around, carrying the burdens of the people He loved so much...carrying them to the extreme, with such a grace and "style" that people flocked to him. He even carried the burdens to the cross! The cross IS EXTREME! (He didn't smile at that point though.) Anyway, how could He do this? How could he present Himself as someone people liked to be around? How could he keep His heart focused? He prayed. A lot. He withdrew. A lot. He had on His spiritual armor.

A note about intercessory prayer: intercessors see all the "ick" of life. Praying people through needs constantly and seeing that needs are never ceasing can be overwhelming. This might even contribute to spiritual depression. I've been there, I am there, praying for someone's needs that never seem to be met, or when they are it seems like there is another tragedy waiting around every turn. But, we must remember that all of these needs do NOT surprise our Lord, nor are they our personal burdens to bear. They are His. We can pray and we can help comfort, but ultimately, we must learn to trust that He is in control and that He will provide. He knows we can't do it which is why He taught us to take His yoke...because He is going to take ours!

We should learn from Him! At times, we need to withdraw! We need to pray! We need to put on our spiritual armor daily! AND we need to trust HIM! Jesus was NEVER on the defensive in this world, never should we be. We ARE ON OFFENSE! We have the ball! The devil is out to destroy us and he is flailing. Just like we know the final outcome, so does he, so he pulls out all the stops! He comes at us relentlessly. We need to learn to be just as relentless in our pursuit of knowing God! Just as relentless in our pursuit of trusting God. As Christians, let us encourage one another to do that!

One way to do that is through transparency. God works through broken people. People who have broken spirits can be used by God. A wild horse bucks and expends a lot of energy with no direction, but once tamed the animal is very useful for work. The same unbridled energy, once focused, is a force for good. People with broken spirits are the best worship leaders because they can encourage others to lift their lives up to the Lord. If a worship leader has it "all together" and can put on a good show...how can God use that? If a worship leader is transparent, unmasked, and prays from the heart and sings to his/her Lord with love and devotion...that is true worship. Worship is when we put God back in the place He belongs, on the throne, and we step out of the way. We are happiest when God receives the praise, not us, but Satan lies and too often we believe the lie that we are really something special because of what we "do for God". No! We are something special because of what God has already done for us!

Christians are forever going to hurt Christians. We will do this over and over and over again. I had a friend tell me once, NEVER trust in man they will ALWAYS let you down eventually. I didn't want to believe this. Again, I was naive. I couldn't understand how it is that God-fearing people could let one another down. I failed to factor in sin. ONLY trust GOD. This is very wise counsel. Man is prone to follow his heart at times, and the Bible teaches that the heart is deceitful above all things.

I've never experienced a church split, but I've heard it is awful and very painful. This is something I hope I never experience. As church bodies we sometimes fail to look to God and Jesus Christ as the Head of the church. We get off track BAD when we look to man...any man, a pastor, a worship leader, an elder, whomever. Popular preachers will sometimes change churches...and it always struck me curious that congregants will leave and follow that preacher. That is spiritual dysfunction. God places us in certain church bodies to use the spiritual gifts to glorify Him and edify the body. If we are following a man from church to church, there is something seriously wrong! God never, NEVER, gave us spiritual gifts to glorify man!

I believe Satan works in the midst of our churches more than on the streets of our cities. The devil's work moves along smoothly in the dark alleys of the city streets because there is no resistance there. Satan is sly, and sneaky, and is on the prowl in the houses of God where he can do the most damage. I don't think many Christians prepare for that because we don't like to imagine that Satan is there, in our houses of worship, but our churches are filled with sin too. When we forget that, we let our guard down, and things happen which leads to division. It is a work of Satan. He knows that divided we fall.

There is good news! God is a God of restoration. Sometimes things must be destroyed in order to be rebuilt. I think some of that "break down" happens in the desert. Praise God! There is hope for those being broken down because that will allow the healing to begin. Nothing that we experience catches God off guard. None of it! While it can come as a sudden shock to us, God knew of it all along and He has no fear. He is also working to see that all things work together for good for those who love Him.

The closer we get to God, the more we see ourselves and can see the "ick". This I understand. We are like Isaiah and when the light is shone on ourselves, we realize how unclean we are. But, we are made clean by His touch! This is a healthy kind of humility. Have you ever felt "false" when you worship? When we understand that we are not worthy of Him, and allow Him to make us righteous, that is good. But, if we are not allowing Him to make us righteous, and just thinking about how "false" and "hypocritical" we are, we are putting God in a box. That is bad. We are not trusting Him to make us clean. We are saying we are "too far gone", or "God can't fix me"...and that is all a LIE STRAIGHT FROM THE PIT OF HELL! I have believed this lie on occasion. Anyone leading worship should not believe this lie. Anyone who seeks to truly worship God in humility should not believe this lie.

It is very hard trying to encourage others when we need encouragement ourselves. I think some of us can do that for a little while, but then we get pulled under by the tide. But, again, our hope should not be in others and how others can make us feel better, it must be in Christ alone. "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."

I am struggling with bitterness and hurt and much of this stems from problems with "bad christians" having hurt me or people I love, and some I must accept the blame for myself. This is where I am attempting to go to God for forgiveness and help. I think the biggest thing I've done in this struggle is asking others to help me. As Christians we must pray diligently for ourselves and each other. We must be transparent and be able to say "hey...I need to be encouraged" and "I need help".

All Christians will at one time or another experience spiritual depression. Don't give up! Pray and seek Him even when you don't feel like it! Thank Him for this season and how you will grow from it. Be transparent and tell God how you feel. Tell yourself how you feel...admit it! Admit you are in a spiritual desert and invite those who love you to help carry you through it. You will emerge a different person, but it will be a person closer to the image in which God created you. He will be rejoicing about that and you should too!

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 10:15 AM

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Wednesday, January 16, 2008

One of the Best Letters Ever Received

Below is a letter I received from a friend years ago. I had written her asking for some help with some life situations I was dealing with at the time. This letter was her response and it changed my life. As I am currently re-examining my life in Christ, I was drawn back to this letter, back to basics if you will, and wanted to share it. This letter from my friend is one of the best letters I have ever received because within its pages contains life changing wisdom and encouragement.

Saturday, February 27, 1999

Dear Sue,

I was thankful to receive your letter and humbled. Over the years, this is something that I have prayed for, that you would come to a place where you would re-examine your life, your faith and how you are living it out in your daily life.

I will attempt in my very human perspective to answer your questions and share with you what I can about my own spiritual journey.

I can only assure you what you are experiencing is normal. God created us as two dimensional beings ... a physical dimension and a spiritual dimension. The spiritual dimension can only be filled with the presence of God. Yet, we spent our lives trying to fill it with other things ... material possessions, drugs, alcohol, pursing goals and jobs that make us feel worthwhile, relationships, etc. We reach a point where it is all meaningless and wonder what is the purpose of life and is there really eternal life ... it is all so mystical. Each person internally whether they ever acknowledge it or not is aware at some level of God, the creator of the universe.

I believe Jesus allows pain, crisis, discomfort to come into our lives. It is during those times we grow in our relationship with Him. So, while I do not want to diminish your situation, I am thankful for it as it is causing you to examine your life in Him.

I can share with you that our God is a God of GRACE (Gods total unmerited love for us), FORGIVENESS (His grace reaches lower than our worst mistakes, no matter where we have been or what we have done, we are NOT beyond HIS forgiveness and love), MERCY (a just God who Hates sin will extend HIS MERCY to us if we only ask for HIS FORGIVENESS), LOVE (it is his love for me that I am most in awe of. How could HE love me? I lived much of my life denying HIM, the one who died on the cross for my sins). HE DOES NOT CHANGE! In world where our acceptance or rejection by others is often based upon our ability to perform to their expectations, meet their needs, God just loves us.

Let me share this phrase with you that I hear for the first time at Open Door Church one Sunday in May, 1994 that totally changed my life.

There is absolutely nothing I can do to make God love me more; there is nothing you can do to make God love me less. He loves me because of who HE is, not because of who I am are or what I have done.

We all, and I mean all, have fallen short of God's standard of perfection. No one will enter the kingdom of heaven based upon any deed or act of service they have performed during their lifetime.

You can only enter the kingdom of heaven by humbling yourself before the Lord Jesus Christ and accepting what HE did on the cross and placing your faith for eternal life in HIM.

Accepting Christ, His forgiveness ... placing your faith in Him this is what secures your place in His kingdom. Please do not let anyone or any self doubts you have diminish that idea. I will say it again, "believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be SAVED!" You don't have to clean up anything in your life before Christ accepts you all you have to do is Believe.

Church. I would encourage you to find a church that preaches the gospel, the Holy Scriptures. I will be in prayer about that for you. Where you land church wise is an important step.

Sue, I can only assure you that it is not easy. Humility, submission, faith, at least for me it has not been easy. Many a night I have been on my knees weeping tears and crying out to the Lord to heal my hurts, take away the consequences of my sin.

The bible I have sent is like the one I read. It is a Life Application Bible. What that means is on the bottom of the can refer to chapter and verse an application to our day to living. That has helped me a lot in being able to apply the God to my daily life. And I fail everyday...

I would encourage you to start in the book of John, the fourth of the New Testament gospels. I would recommend you read, meditate on one Chapter each day.

When you hurt ... go to the book of Psalms

When you are seeking right living ... go to the book of James

When you are looking for meaning or the lack there of in life ... read Ecclesiastes

Talk with God, tell Him how you feel, really feel. He is aware of all your thoughts and feelings. You will tell Him absolutely nothing that will surprise Him. The Lord desires us to share our hearts with Him.

Think of Paul, the author of much of the New Testament. He ran around after the death of Christ killing Christians! Killing em. Then he met Jesus. His life was changed. He spent the rest of his days sharing the gospel with whoever would listen, writing letters from prison to encourage fellow believers to stay the course.

Think of King David ... he committed adultery then killed the woman's husband to cover up his sin. Through it all, David loved God and desired to live for HIM. God never took away the consequences of David's sin but I know He blessed David in his life, in his reign as King. I know David is with Jesus in eternity today.

Think of Peter ... Peter one of the chosen 12 who denied even knowing Christ the night Christ was betrayed. Yet the Lord restored Peter.

Sue, this is an exciting time in your life. I would say the most exciting time. Maturity has taught me this the older I get there is not a whole lot in life to get upset about not a whole lot that is truly urgent. Matter of fact for me the only thing that is truly urgent is a person’s salvation. The reason being anyone of us could die at anytime ... where will eternity be spent? Living eternally with the Lord or living eternity in separation from the Lord.

I could ramble on and on but I believe it is best I stop here.

I believe we will have much to share in the coming weeks and months.

I will be in prayer for you.

Yes, Sue you may write in the Bible, I purchased it for you. Underline, write notes, read it, believe it. The bible is the divine word of God and will stand the test of time. I am basing my whole life and being on the validity of the word!!

Stay in touch, my friend.

There is nothing outside of the forgiveness of God, keep telling yourself that over and over. Change is not easy it is very scary.

The Lord will help you, strengthen you to do what needs to be done ... just ask and rely upon His perfect timing.

Love,

I've left off my friend's name because I know her well enough that she wouldn't want the attention...she'd pass it off to God. Her humility is one of the things I admire about her. So, in a sense, this is a love letter from God, he just used my friend to get it to me!

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 10:32 AM

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Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Spiritual Depression

I have been in a spiritual desert. It is going on 2-3 years. I can't pray like I want, the prayers hit the firewall of the ceiling in my room and stay there. Or bounce back to earth and lay lifeless on the floor. My soul is parched and I feel nothing. No God. Are you there God? It's me Sue.

It has taken me a long time to even admit this, so bear with me.

My friend Katie has been aware of my predicament for a long while and shamefully I've all but ignored her encouragement and advice.

Through an email exchange early in the summer, my friend Deb sensed my spiritually desperate situation and turned me on to a message that was delivered by a pastor at her church in Ohio. (Jim Mindling at the Church of the Open Door in Elyria, OH) She was right in assessing that it was a message I needed to hear. In it, I heard some amazing things.

I've pondered the things in that message and have listened to it numerous times. It comforts me because I learned that I am in good company when it comes to people suffering through the dry desert of spiritual depression, that even Jesus felt spiritually depressed or how else could one explain the agony in the garden or his cry to His Father on the cross?

I also learned that I should thank God for this season in my life. God has always used the desert to teach amazing things and transform His people. I was encouraged that God chose to walk through this with me.

Through the lessons I am learning, partly inspired by the message I heard, I decided that I can't just sit around waiting for some Divine Intervention to zap me out of it. I'm in this place for a reason, and that I may just learn why, or from it at least, as I make the moves to emerge from the desert. I learned that I need to talk to God.

Unfortunately I am finding this a very ominous stumbling block at the moment. I am not very disciplined in this area. I was at one time, but now lines are down.

Realizing that part of the reason I am stuck is that I haven't trusted God, nor have I trusted the people He put into my life. I have since reached out to a select few people to share my struggle with. I am working on being a transparent Christian and part of that included opening up more intimately with those more spiritually mature than I. It is a frightening thing, but very needed.

So, my friend and I are studying together and I meet with her every other week or so to share, pray and encourage one another. She is encouraging me to have "guarded time" with the Lord. She is constantly asking how that is going, and I have to say that it is not going very well just yet...but things are improving. I don't know why it is so hard, but it is.

I have also contacted a person I have sort of been "avoiding". I have been ashamed to communicate with one of the women who mentored me early in my Christian walk. I feel like a failure and that I have let her and people who were there for me at the beginning of my walk with Christ down because I have wandered so far into a desert. Eight years saved and nothing to show for it!

I am genuinely trying to get out of this pit! I am trying to be transparent and I am beginning to see why it is Biblical and something that God requires. I think simply sharing that I am feeling so weak and desperate has already helped lighten this burden. I've learned how foolish I have been to avoid those people who can help me the most! I'm such a dork!

With some strong women of faith around me, some effort on my part to spend time with God, and by learning to be a transparent Christian, I will emerge much more spiritually mature and be ready to be used by God for His Divine Purpose.

(Originally posted 12/28/07 but reposted to bump to top)

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Posted by Susan L. Prince at 10:55 PM

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