How I Came to Know My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ

As are most testimonies, it is a rather lengthy read. The basics are that God brought me to a point in my life where I was a mess. I was in such a deep depression that I really had no hope for a future for myself. It was during this time that I knew I needed to get to know God more. I knew, somehow, deep inside of me, that He could make me feel better. That's all I wanted. I wanted not to hurt so much anymore. I wanted to feel loved and like I had a purpose to live. He drew me to Himself. I responded to His call and through a series of events and special people He placed in my life, He changed me. He came into my heart and I will never be the same.




My Testimony





The decision...

I was saved April 4, 1999. It was Easter Sunday. I was looking forward to the service that day because in my heart I knew it was time to ask Jesus to come on in! I sat in anticipation of the invitation to go forward, but was still wondering if I had the courage. My friend Irma was singing and had been praying for me to make my decision, and praying that God would give me the courage. I had been struggling and struggling. I was amazed by how God worked it all out.

Depression...

Months prior I had become depressed. Something I had not ever experienced before. It was like I woke up one morning with a broken heart. I had never been awake before. At 32 my whole world was a question mark. I had never been awake before!! No career. No dreams. No family of my own. Rejected by my closest friend. I was rudely awakened by reality and did not like what I saw. I was scared. I was alone. I was so lonely. I was in great despair. Deep depression. Couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t eat. Wanted to die.

My depression and the seeds that had been planted...

I wandered around in a daze most of the time, just trying to make it through each day, although most of the time I was wondering what was the point? I knew I had to do something and it must have been God calling. I knew my only hope was going to be Jesus Christ. Why did I know this? Only answer to that question is: God. Anyway, how do I get to know Him? I was not sure. I wanted to find a church to go to, but which one? Well, I have a friend. A former colleague of mine from my teaching days. We occasionally talked on spiritual matters and over the years kept in touch through letters. I never really took what she had to say on spiritual matters very seriously, but I soon learned I was thankful she planted the seeds so many years ago. I started writing and writing and writing in a letter to her. I do not remember exactly what I shared with her, I only know that I went back and forth with myself if I should send it or not. Praise God I did! I waited anxiously for her reply, although I was also a bit nervous. I just knew she would come through for me.

Locked out...

Well, the following week on a Monday evening I came home. It was just beginning to get dark and I had to make a trip into the house for something and then return to my truck again. When I came back out, I realized I had locked myself out of the house, as well as out of my truck. I have NEVER done that before, or since. Weird. I knew my roommate would soon be home so while I waited I decided to check the mail. When I did, I saw a box on the doorstep. It was from my friend! At that moment I knew exactly what she had sent to me! I tore it open and sure enough...a Bible. Well, I had nothing else to do, since I was locked out of the house and my truck, so I opened it up and started reading. (God must have wanted me to start in immediately!) She sent a letter along with it, and I now know that what she sent was her witness of the saving power of Jesus Christ. I read that letter over and over and over again...my eyes were burning as I cried and cried. I was so broken. She told me to begin reading in my bible and to read John. That is what I did. And I kept reading!

Tearing down the walls...

In her letter she told me to find a church that teaches scripture. In my ignorance I thought all churches teach scripture. WRONG!! She told me she would be in prayer about that. Throughout the rest of the week I made plans to attend a church here in town. Since I was baptized and confirmed Catholic, I found a Catholic church, in the yellow pages, to attend on Sunday. God had other plans. On Saturday my roommate mentioned that she had been invited by an employee to go to her church. My roommate asked if I would like to come along. I figured since I was planning on attending a mass anyway, I would instead go where I was invited, to the church my roommate was invited to. That day changed my life. It was the first Sunday in March and the message that day was all about Joshua and “tearing down the walls”. I had walls. Strong walls built up all around me, but that day they were suddenly weakened. I felt love and hope for the first time in awhile that day. It was awesome! I bawled through a lot of the service. God was breaking me. He broke me good!

Ups and downs...

I shot off a letter to my friend and told her all about the service and the church and what I experienced that special Sunday. I was excited! I also sent a “thank-you” to my roommates employee, Irma, for having invited us to come to church. Then came Monday.

Back came my depression the following day. It was not easy to stay focused on my church experience and the excitement quickly died off. Tuesday I did not work and felt I needed to talk to someone over at the church. I had been introduced to Pastor at church so I thought I would call him just to talk. I dialed up the church and when the phone was answered I could not speak. I wanted help, but I couldn’t ask for it. I hung up. I didn’t know what to do.

A phone call that changed my life...

Twenty minutes later the phone rang. I answered and it was the employee of my roommate who was calling to talk to me. I didn’t understand why, but she asked if I would like to have lunch with her to talk about the service Sunday. I happily agreed. Why? Why did I agree to meet for lunch? A few months prior I would have thought “Jesus freak” and tossed her off...but not this time. It was God calling me. So, we met for lunch.

A startling revelation...

We talked about the sermon and different spiritual things and I came to realize I never had a relationship with God. Never a personal relationship.

A little background...

I attended church for 20 years. Each and every single Sunday and every holy day in between. I remember hating when Christmas came on a Friday or Saturday, it meant church then and again Sunday. How much church can a kid take? I was enrolled in Parish School of Religion classes k-12. I was chairman of the religion committee in our church youth group. My parents were very involved with the Catholic Youth Organization and held meetings with the high school/college aged kids each week at our house. I enjoyed those “kids” who came to our house each week. I remember giant poster boards hanging in rows all around the basement that contained scripture passages that were themes for different CYO retreats. I attended many retreats when I was old enough to. I grew up with this all around me. We switched churches for a brief period and at the new one I even got to be an altar girl. In those days there were not too many altar girls, I may have been one of the very first! I remember instead of playing “house” as a kid, I played “Mass”! Potato chips make great communion wafers and all I needed was a missalette from the church...it was my script! Had my rosary and children’s bible in hand, and conducted Mass!!! All that, and I was missing the whole point: Jesus Christ.

I dialed...they answered...I hung up. God placed another call...

At lunch it just so happened that Irma had invited Pastor along. He joined us and we all three talked. They had no clue that hours earlier I had called the church looking to talk! God provided my needs!! We had great conversation and I learned about other ministries being offered through the church. I couldn’t wait for Sunday!!!

I saw the door...I was invited...

Another great service! I was always so pumped up after church! The Pastor’s message always spoke to me. God was speaking to me through Pastor. It was awesome! At the invitation I wanted to go up front. But I didn’t. I couldn’t.

Irma and I met again the following Tuesday to talk. She was sent to me by God. She was and is such an encouragement to me. We kept in communication through letters and by meeting to talk each week. She would encourage me to “hand it all over” and “let God take it”. For some reason I just couldn’t do it. I wanted to, I knew it was what I needed to do, but for some stupid reason I had difficulty.

Knock, knock, knock...

Well, finally, on Easter Sunday I went to church with every intention of giving my life to Christ. Still had to go and actually submit, but I really really wanted to do it. I had been praying for much strength and faith. I went into the church and sat where I had each week prior, and by myself. Pastor came over to me and said “Sue, come with me...grab your stuff” and he sat me down next to his wife and son. Pastor’s sermon was all about making a “declaration” of our faith. When the invitation was given I kept looking to Irma who was singing with the group the song “My All in All”. She encouraged me with her eyes to go to the front. I was nervous. I was stepping out. I finally mustered up enough courage and stepped out and went to the front to accept Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior. I made my declaration public! Pastor wanted to affirm that he did not seat me with his family with hopes of that happening...and I know that to be true. I knew that April 4, 1999, Easter Sunday was the first day of Eternity for me. God planned it that way

My moment of Salvation...

I WEPT. I was so overcome with emotion because, well BECAUSE! The greatest thing ever to occur in a person’s life just happened to me!! WOOOOOOHOOOOOO!!!!!! I remember one gentleman coming to welcome me into the family of Christ and asking Irma “Is this who we have been praying for?” I was so blessed that people I had never even met had been praying for me! Little ol’ me! The rest is a blur. Can’t really remember what happened after that...still I am not sure how I even got home! It was so exciting! All I wanted to do was shout to the Lord and to everyone else! But, no one was listening. My roommate didn’t seem to understand what I had done. What Christ had just done for me. So I went upstairs and typed out an e-mail to the person I wanted to tell most of all...my friend and ex-colleague who sent me my Bible. I told her that I was saved! Then I wrote and told my mom that I declared Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior! She was happy for me! It was a very exciting day.

Ok..., now what? I thought.

My first lesson as a Christian...

Well, I was now a Christian. What does that mean? I was so excited to begin living my life for the Lord. I was on fire! I was so happy and felt alive and free from sin. A load was lifted off of me. However, that night I had an argument with my friend and lost self-control. I expected to be miraculously transformed into a Christ-like human and I obviously was not. My first learning experience as a Christian...learning to be like Christ is a process. God works in and through you but you have to let Him. My first day as a Christian had a bitter lesson in it for me. I have the Holy Spirit living in me...the Spirit of God, and He teaches me about the will of God. When I go against that will I am convicted of the sin. I was heavily convicted about my sin that night and repented big time! I have had to learn to listen to the Spirit before I act, and sometimes I can do that, other times I fail, but I keep on praying for God to give me strength and forgiveness. He is so patient with me and I praise Him for that!

OK...now what?...

I was unsure as to what was supposed to happen now that I was born-again. I was really excited but for how long would I be so on fire? What to do now? I received a letter from the church in the mail early in the week. It gave me some encouragement and some bible verses to read which I did. I also received a call from the church telling me about a program that involved going to meetings after church each week to help me get a good start in my new life. Well, I work many Sundays and that wouldn’t work for me and I was going to miss the first one anyway as I was going to be out of town. I basically gave up hope on that idea. I was going home for my sister’s wedding and was making arrangements to meet and talk with my friend who had witnessed to me and sent me my Bible. I was so looking forward to spending time with her.

God gives me mentors...

It worked out that I was able to meet with her and told her of these experiences and also how I am not able to go to the “Getting Started Right” meetings. She suggested that I talk to someone about getting the materials at least so when I came home that is what I did the following Sunday. God had His hand in that also...He had put Deb in my life to guide me at this point in my life, then Irma and now a new person. Praise God for my church! When I asked for the materials what I got was a study partner and a great new friend in Noni! We would meet each Tuesday and study from the “Getting Started” materials and praise God and pray. I so much enjoyed her company and teaching. I was so hungry for the Word and was also struggling with different issues, which Noni could help guide me through biblically. Through it all I have been so amazed how God worked it all out through His people! He is so awesome!

My parching thirst...

I was so on fire for the Lord! I just wanted more and more and more!! It was coming up on summer and I was so afraid of losing the time with Noni since the study was only 4 weeks and she said on the last day, “see you next week?”. PRAISE GOD!! Those words were what I wanted and needed to hear! I was so excited to continue meeting with Noni and then she talked about doing an “Experiencing God” study with the Women’s Ministry at the church over the summer...a 12 week program. I was very excited to do it! YAY!

Christians surf...

While all this was going on and since I was so hungry to learn more and more about God, I started surfing the Internet and reading testimonies of Christians. I enjoyed checking out their sites and how they give glory to God. It was encouraging and uplifting and was feeding my need to know more. I decided to change my website to one that gives glory to God because He saved me! I worked and worked on it and had a blast doing it. He has been so good to me.

God provided another friend before I knew I needed one...

When I visit a person’s site I like to sign their guestbook and let them know I was there. I sometimes read comments from others who have signed. One day while reading what another had signed in a guestbook, my heart was tugged. It was tugged hard. I normally don’t e-mail “strangers”, but what she had to say spoke something to me and I felt led to respond. I don’t remember the specifics, but what I do remember is that she was asking for prayer, almost pleading for it for her marriage and her yet unsaved husband. I was deeply moved by her plea so I responded and told her that I would pray. I can’t remember exactly what I said to her, but she e-mailed me back and we exchanged ICQ #’s so we could “talk” online. I added my first Christian friend to my “buddy list”. I didn’t at this point know it, but God had given me a very special person in my life to fill needs I did not even know I had.

I wanted even more of Him...

All this had started in February 1999, after having had just sent a letter off to my friend who then sent me a bible. I began reading the word of God on my own and began seeking a church which I found. It is a church that God led me to and I praise Him for that. This church is so welcoming and I immediately felt love. I felt love there on day one. From the people, from the Pastor, and from Jesus Christ. I was so overwhelmed by the love I felt there because it was filling a part of me that was desolate. I thirsted for more of God. I couldn’t get enough!! I wanted more and more. In April I began studying with my friend Noni and eventually started in a summer class called Experiencing God. That study has been fundamental in my new life as a Christian...I rely on much of what I learned in that class to guide me everyday. It was the perfect foundation on which to start my new life and I thank God for His Perfect Timing in that. Through that class I met even more people and God gave me more friends. I went from the pit of despair, of absolute loneliness, to a wealth of new friends and sisters in Christ. I will often sit and just stare off in awe. Shake my head in disbelief as to how God was and is working all around me. I remember those nights crying out with bitter, pain-filled tears for the Lord to give me a new heart and on April 4, 1999 when I asked Jesus to be Lord of my life...His love came in at the speed of light. He gave me that new heart!! My new heart pumps with the blood of the living Christ and is filled with an over-powering joy! All I want to do is show love and live love and praise God for all the wonderful things He has given and is giving me! He is so good to me!

Experiencing God, the COB and the MAJOR LIFE ADJUSTMENT...

In my Experiencing God class I had learned that when one seeks to be in God’s will they will suffer through a Crisis of Belief. My first COB as I have come to call it was my struggle to submit and allow God to take over my life. My life has always been mine, so it was difficult to let go of it and trust in God. But, I finally did let go and let God, as the saying goes! I also learned in Experiencing God that after the Crisis of Belief, comes the Major Life Adjustment. This is the time that one adjusts their life to walk in the will of God. This is the part I dread. Why dread? It is because it will require CHANGE! That awful word we all hate...CHANGE! Changes aren’t permanent but change is. We all know change must occur, but living through it is not always easy. Since I was saved the biggest change has been the relationship with my best friend. We now live totally separate lives. We were once so close. We shared everything. Our thoughts, desires, dreams, frustrations and time. Part of my depression came from the realization that she was pulling away to be with a man she has fallen in love with. It just so happens that I fell in love too, with the Lover of my Soul! I pray she is happy. She deserves every happiness, but it really hurt to be pushed out of her life and be neglected. I knew I harbored some resentment and anger over that so as a new Christian I was constantly struggling with that and repenting and asking the Spirit to guide me through difficult encounters with her. The friends God put into my life have been a tremendous help with that. I no longer harbor resentment, I have let that go, but part of me wants the friendship back that I once had with her. I miss her. I really do. At the same time it is obvious that we are now two totally different people and that past friendship we had will never be what it was. I am living by a totally different standard now. It was very hard for me to live biblically there. I try so hard to show the love of God and shine for Him. My roommate, and friend, would just look at me like I am from outer space. I am not able to speak freely of God here and praise Him as I wish to when she is around. I try to and I fail. I know I will have to answer for this one day. I tried to communicate with her but she would not talk to me anymore. Sure I can hear about the weather, and about her bad day at work, but I no longer get the details of how she is feeling. I no longer know her thoughts on a subject. It is so weird that we have gone from being two of the closest friends, friends shared a home for almost 14 years, and now we are total strangers. My heart hurts just thinking about it. I used to believe that when I got out of my depression and started getting things right with the Lord, and that I could forgive her for the hurt, that our friendship would be stronger than ever. I had even written her a letter to that effect and apologized and talked about how I know that if our friendship can overcome this, that we will have an even stronger bond than before. It was my hope, but it is not God’s will. He has made that evident. I don’t understand how this all came about, but my Major Life Adjustment will be life without the friend I have shared all of my adult life with.

My future according to God...

Will I be alone again? NOT IF GOD HAS ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT, AND HE HAS EVERYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT! Since I was saved I have been living on a mountain of joy. I can’t even describe to the reader the joy that flows through me...I JUST PRAY THAT ALL WHO READ THIS MAY COME TO KNOW THE LORD AS I DO AND HUNGER FOR THIS JOY AND WANT IT BAD ENOUGH THAT THEY TURN OVER THEIR LIVES TO THE ALMIGHTY GOD!! WOOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!! See, I get carried away just thinking about it! Anyway, earlier I mentioned a special person who entered my life that fulfilled needs I didn’t even know I had. This is the story of Katie and me. It is how God brought two souls together to fulfill His purpose for one another. It is only a beginning.

A God inspired meeting...

I first e-mailed Katie because I saw her plea in a guestbook she signed. She sounded so desperate and was asking for prayer. I was moved by her request to pray for her husband’s salvation and to pray for her, that she was in need of much wisdom and discernment. I had never e-mailed a “stranger” before and you never really know who you are talking to. I simply said that she would be in my prayers and I may have offered some words of encouragement...can’t really remember because when I was writing the Spirit just took over. She responded and we exchanged ICQ #’s...this, for those of you who don’t know, is an Internet service that allows people to communicate “instantly” back and forth by sending typed messages. Ohhh, I just remembered that she mentioned she wanted to get to know me, or something like that, but that she was going out of town, that we could “meet” when she returned. On May 29, 1999 I ICQ’d Katrina for the first time. Little did I know where these small “encounters” were going to lead.

Another beginning...

A week later I saw Katrina pop up on my buddy list and we started talking a bit and asking the all important small talk get to know you questions. I had visited her website where she posted her testimony and so I already knew a tad bit about her, but it is fun talking to people and getting to know them.

Thus, began a friendship knit together by the Creator. I treasure my friend and the gift He gave me. Little did I know at the time that God was beginning to mold me, and change my life forever, in MAJOR ways!